Letters to me

Believe in truth. Still.

2012-01-29T17:38:00.000+08:00

Injustice. They are just everywhere without family and friends. How everyone preached about playing fair and sticking to the rules, even in soccer... there's something called red card. But in real life, your red card might just be your dying day.

Unfairness. It catches you when you are still so green and at disadvantage most of the time. The fight for money, for promotions, for pride and power is often so ugly. Morals twisted, respect toasted, friendship broken, bonds split and fingers starts pointing.

Why must human be like this in the end? Why cant people harmoniously live together without fighting for a throne? Why cant Thailand, one of the kindest country in the world, be the most successful country in the world? Instead why are the country with the greatest arms and highest fire power ranked the most superior in the world?

Fear is much more capable than love and respect when it comes to success.

So ugly and dirty.

Let's just continue to try my best and believe in truth and stay tune for what heavens have in stall for me =).
What belongs to me will definitely come and of course it still comes with a prize of working hard ^_^.

End of a very long and well deserved break

2012-01-08T11:38:00.001+08:00

In this month, I've splurge quite a fair bit. On numerous activities which are eye opening but among these, there's only one single greatest take away - to be happy. As you grow up, finding happiness is really a great deal of task. With competitions, society's pressure, the fight to out win one another in any means... it can get quite ugly and dirty. But this break had open my eyes once again to realize that this is just an integral part of my life that I dont really have to believe in. It does not define me. I could be here with my soul working things professionally but I could still keep my character, keep what I was before, keeping my way of life, keep the things I love. I do not really have to change myself entirely =).

I still believe in good, meritocracy, love, justice and fair play. I believe ultimately those people who used ugly means to get up there will normally fall down very hard in the end. A simple life is good, I do not need a mansion to prove my ability neither do I have to be a billionaire to tell the world I've succeeded. It comes with a little luck and a little dirtiness. Nonetheless, if the opportunity comes knocking on my door one day, I'll embrace it with open arms =).Once again, I'm blogging here to announce to the whole world that I will be working my hardest and now my smartest. It's worth it =).

Bite the bullet!

Jairus

2012-01-08T11:16:00.002+08:00

He's one of the stars of my life. When we competed years ago, I didn't know he was of such strong caliber, such strong character. There was this instant when both of us started our virgin paddling experience, we started almost together capsizing every other day in our ever unstable boat. Every time we fell we would get up but after a considerable amount of tries, I would normally sit on the shore while watching his countless attempts in the mastery of the boat. He was a worthy opponent, in fact now that I see - a formidable fighter. I think everyone in my time had seen him in action, his aspirations, his fight and his dreams, makes up a big picture of a respectable athlete in every Singaporean paddlers.

He inspired me, undoubtedly. I want to return to the arena of paddling after I sorted my iron rice bowl, representing Singapore is something I can afford for my country, a chapter of my story that I would like to write. Age 28 will be my prime, so let's work towards that. Meanwhile keeping myself fit.

‘I want to be grateful; I want to show my appreciation to all the people around me, and I want to appreciate and enjoy every moment of my life.’

Read more here

2012-01-03T23:14:00.001+08:00

I guess it's seeing these things that keeps me alive. If my life was given in exchange to save 100 more lives, it will be worth it. I'll just keep counting and seems like it ain't so bad afterall =). Feel so blessed after hearing those news. There'll always a better plan for me =).

2011-12-30T12:43:00.001+08:00

I can't stop thinking about u.

Xmas

2011-12-27T22:11:00.001+08:00

Greetings Earthlings!

It's been long since I was able to talk lightheartedly and able to smile naturally without being shouted at or being reprimanded. I had 10 days of Christmas and a beautiful finale which stays as an special episode of this year, something that makes me scared but I would hold closely to.

In these 10 days, I learnt a new sport, catch up with all my close cliques, ate all sorts of exotic food, fought the sleepless nights, watched crazy Xmas, had a very sweet Christmas and a lovely, unforgettable company.
I've changed for the better because of you =). I realised during this short break trip that infact I have been really fortunate, one of better jobs around the place with apt payslip (though a poor life), one that is noble and fulfilling. Accepting this fate is hard but giving up will be harder. So thank you for the best present of happiness, I'll be counting more of my blessings than seeing things I do not have. =)

Merry Christmas everyone! Recommend all chaps this movie titled 12 dates of Christmas, watch it to believe yourself. Cheers!

When the heart stops beating

2011-12-15T22:32:00.001+08:00

One of the hardest fall I had..

To be honest to the whole wide world, my heart stopped beating since I stepped here. It isn't like the excitement I get when I watched people on the court playing basketball, when I see the racing canoes, when I see people wind surf.

My heart stopped beating for any girl. Stopped beating for politics. Stopped beating for any purpose in life.
I'm truly sorry to myself. I was heartbroken when before I came here and it took away the best of me during the crucial times.

I'm truly sorry. Although sorry is never going to rewind history.

2 failures on my last week. That's 80% damage to my entire time here. Complacency.

From the top of the world to the valley of the deep

2011-12-13T11:48:00.000+08:00

You know I started off being really shit hot. One of the cream of my crowd, aced every sortie.

Somewhere along the way I lost that touch, that feeling. That person who is feeling at the top of the world, being superior and always able to take care of others when myself is taken care off.

But my life is at stake. Failing one sortie after another. I'm feeling down and couldn't hold myself up. I'm needing comfort and love for some reason.

Falling shouldn't be an option from now on. 4 more short days only. Fight on!

2011-12-02T09:33:00.001+08:00

I will not give up.

Sent from my iPhone

Pilot to tower.

2011-11-26T21:09:00.001+08:00

"Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land. 600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please instruct! "

"Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, which art in heaven...'"

When u realized.

2011-11-25T23:57:00.001+08:00

Humans can be very different but all of them have one thing in common - the spirit to win.

When we were still a beast, kings fought with one another for the best queens. In Olympics, we run for a medal, for a pride which seems empty but has everything to do with being superior. In exams, no one stands in our way when it comes to scoring in questions. In war, we only have one objective.. To kill or to hurt just to win.

Recently, winning have been channelled to become something else.
If winning means to court a girl, if wining is about having high alcohol tolerance, if the rich's favorite pastime is casino. Will u still want to win given even when u are from a background where sex is sacred, where alcohol is poison, where the gambling is seen as if a illegal activity. But mummy, they say it's part of a fighter pilot's life.

Peers who were good at those were indeed the cream of my batch. Marched on and progress at the speed of light. Otherwise, on the other side, people are seen as losers.

Right now, I'm here sitting under the stars pondering and reflecting. Weekends after weekends, wild nights and crazy things I've done.

I'll admit to all my readers. I've indeed changed for this "flare to win". I got a girl at the club just to prove to my peers I could hook up anyone. Got phone numbers after numbers when I'm bored of accompanying them to clubs but none to which i contacted. I've been in mess nights on Fridays drinking Guinness, Pure blonde and cold beer with instructors and chatting our sorrows and joys away. I've placed bets on the casino table and got $100 profit just to prove that I can win. I've done crazy things just to prove my capability, things I never liked to do.

But may be its time to stop winning and be a loser. It's not so bad to be a loser after all. Atleast you have a stable life instead a life filled with risk, close friends instead of surface fancy friends, a intimate girlfriend instead of many bar talk girls, atleast u keep your cash instead of giving all up in one bet.

I was never taught to be that kind of winner from the very beginning.

If you were given the chance to lead the life of a winner from this perspective, would you want this? High pay grade guaranteed and luxurious life. A bungalow with a huge car is definitely within reach.

Or simply... A simple life?

Sent from my iPhone

The great divide

2011-10-29T16:57:00.000+08:00

This post goes out to everyone out there with a heart to listen. For people who are selfless and think for others more often than themselves.

Couple of days back while watching the box office 'In Time' this simple memory hit me on wealth disparity.

When I was younger, my dad like to bring me around to world to visit places which aren't very well off. We been up in the mountains to visit terrace padi fields, been down to valley to sea fish mongers, in the mountains to visit miners. These were places in China province which are not easily accessible to the public and it usually involves long train ride and road trip to reach. We normally head out there in our buggy and befriend a reliable driver along the way to get to these places.

When we were there people see us as if we were gods with lots of wealth even though all we had was a simple jacket and a trendy sport shoe. I could specifically remember a moment when my ever passionate photographer dad wanted to take a photo of these 3 little girls and those 3 girls were trying to avoid his camera lens. Not knowing what a camera was, they freak out when they appeared on the LCD screen of the camera. One of them stood up and made a deal with Dad that if he wants to take a photo of them, he needs to mailed at least a copy back. So my dad made that promise.

What's the cost of a camera? A little device we have stucked to each and everyone of our phone where we snap pictures of happy and sad moments to share with love ones. But for these girls who are young and wanted to remember that moment in time, had never seen a camera before. A train ticket to the cities is a luxury for these people, it is equivalent to a month's pay. There's no TV, no fridge nor a washing machine in the household. Their portable water are from the water wells. This disparity in wealth will be the same for the next century unless the wealthy do something to lift these people up.

One of the biggest thought that hit me was that if I put myself in the shoes of that farmer and wanted to become that charm smart looking city boy, would I ever be able to? By planting more seeds, by plough more fields, by harvesting more grains... will I be able to?

Hope the world can be a better place for everyone.

This is not my home.

2011-10-10T21:57:00.000+08:00

In this place, where we often see backstabbing. Often see instructors march on your pride, where we hear how the most selfish people prevail and where we see good people end up in tears. Where our own ass are constantly in the spotlight and not our ability to shine. When things goes wrong here, fingers start to point, asses start to close and people starts to turn away. Only those who (claim to be the smartest) who have the cheek to be thick skin enough to step on others to get higher will shine. In this place, I would never want to try to be home.

Home is where there's a comfortable sofa, a cup of hot milo, good music with a warm ambiance is present. Most importantly filled with people who cares and loves you. Who celebrate your achievements. Who will help you even if it was a small problem. Who stands by you when you made wrong decisions and admitted wrong. Who hugs and kisses you when in joy. I've not felt real love in a long time and especially coming from a family so well knitted. Home is where mummy, daddy and sis is =).

I've been away from home for the longest of time. But this is not my home, not here. So let's keep fighting till the end.

55 days =). I can't wait. Let's fight.

I've been there

2011-09-30T18:55:00.001+08:00

I've been there.
Soaring through clouds.
Having the earth on top of my heads.
With the heavens below me, with sun rays shining me from below.
Tumble, roll and flipping through clouds.
Flying at the speed of sound.
Getting close to the ground and dancing with the winds.
I tango with the birds and I was the king of the skies.

On my master seat I have gauges of all sort. I put will on my right hand and faith on my left.
They have been my friends ever since, we have been through thick and thin; low and high; fast and slow. The beauty of cruise, the touch of aerobatics and the finesse of accuracy, my 2 friends and I have been there.

So what's stopping me? I'm here for the best. To be on top of the world and nothing less. Beat the shit out of anything's that is stopping me. Don't stop me cause you'll be hurt. You'll only survive as my enemy. I'm limitless and beyond boundaries. No obstacles stand in my way.

I'm unstoppable.

2011-09-24T09:38:00.000+08:00

Hello world.

It's always about sad news that's why I am here. To speak the words of truth and all that I need to confess, hoping to move on at the end of this self reflection.

One thing that is true. I have not been performing up to standards, behind my own power performance curve. My careless, non-meticulous and ill discipline attitude have been biting on my peak performance ever since the start. What they are looking for, is an X factor in me. Which I clearly lacked. A winner in me which will kill to win or do anything which is necessary.

I have a kind and passive personality. I don't like sucking up to superiors neither do I like being a person's dog. I need to have a deeper desire in me, a greater passion and a wilder fire. It is unsaid.

It's like liking a girl. No matter what she does, crazy or mad.. you'll still love her.

I'm in love with the freedom and discipline in air. For the anticipation and beauty of finesse aviation.

Keep going ALVIN!

Almost there

2011-09-10T08:08:00.001+08:00

My number one lesson learnt from this week. Don't forget nature. Someday it'll come at you and tear you down. No life stands in its way, big or small, it brings it all down. People say humans are the most superior creatures but they forgot it was nature that people are relying on. =)

Dance and fly with the winds. If you forget the winds, you just lost the skill of perfection in flying.

Keep pushing limits. It's a test of your capability. You are strong and worthy. For will and honour. =)

Another version of "who you are" written by Jessie J

DRUNK

2011-09-03T17:39:00.000+08:00

The feeling of having some liquid substance within you and feel like throwing up is wrong. The whole of today was spend on recovering from yesterday night. That lousy and wasted feeling. I feel like a girl for the first time, having cramps and reluctant to do anything else. Hangover the next day and proved that merlion do exist.

Never going to drink again, I'm fearful of alcohol now. It'll take a while before I'm going to allow anyone to influence me get a cup.

Now keep on track! =)

Disappointment

2011-08-28T00:20:00.001+08:00

I am disappointed at myself for not performing up to the mark at the critical time but the perfect paint is out there waiting for me. Although all the odds are against the ideals but you've been fighting odds since you are born. So this is going to be a piece of cake in comparison.

Don't give up Alvin.

For yourself. For your love ones. For chow chow and the Ferrari dream. That's all I need in my simple dream life.

Feel comfortable and appreciate the changing of patterns and features. Relax and paint the beauty of aviation.

Gambette~!

Is there anybody out there living my life the way I do? Feeling the same way I've been?

2011-08-08T21:58:00.000+08:00

Is there anyone out there...

Living my life just like me? Aiming my life purely towards success, pride and hope. Putting myself in a competitive environment where we dance to the music of survival. No love. No smiles. No truth. Lots of wealth, pride and future. As objective as scoring a goal in the game of soccer but work together because we are named "a team" and share a common goal. We play with the rules of a dynamic team, perform and put up a good show but never knowing how each another felt or worn the shoes of the person next to you.

Is there someone out there who sacrificed their freedom, who put away their youthful young adulthood for something they vie for. Whether is it to be successful, powerful, rich or prospective, left your love for sports, music, games or even hanging out with your besties.

Oh talking about besties, where are you my dear Canoeist. Sometimes I really miss you guys. I miss the companionship of close friends and how we could tell one another's feelings just by the look of the face or the way people reacted. I miss the brother and sisterhood we shared.

If you are the person, you must be a rare breed. If you are not, I envy your life living in happiness and smiles. I've been reading (or stalking) a lovely couple's blog, one of which was from my College. Seeing their smiles made my day. I like seeing people happy. Especially when they are from the bottom of their Hearts. Truth of what they feel. No hiding, no shielding, no politically correct answers.

Is there anybody out there feeling the same way I do? In my shoes and waiting for happiness to come by one day?

My mind is so free, I can be what I want to be. No obstacles too strong. No road too long. In my mind I could do no wrong.

Finally a break. The road will be long and infinite. I hope to meet "you" in time to come.

Gear up and pull up pull up!

2011-06-26T13:45:00.000+08:00

Could someone enlighten me why am I still blogging? Such a boring life, going through routines of which seems the same everyday yet my blog count is still rolling.. If you are one of those anonymous person in that count roll, may be its time to hit the "x" or identify yourself!

Anyway, tag on that board so I really know who my readers are ^_^. It's been back to one of those days again when I start stalking some friend's random blog. Interested in reading whats going on in a person's life, whether is it tom, dick or harry potter. They are always an interesting read.

We hit the roads this weekend and went to satisfy our long deprived taste butts. Got to a Dim Sum restaurant and ate like a monster. Met into some trouble with a sneaky restaurant owner who refused to give 2 tables for a customer of 14. Got to squeeze like HAM JING PENG together in one table. We had to send a message of feeling injustice after being confronted by that HongKee boss. Paid off our bills and walked out of the restaurant cancelling all subsequent orders we have. Which really amounts to a ransom.

Got to Perth city and Dragon Palace Dim Sum was way better, with ace service of course. They had quality service rather than trying to rip off our wallets. We ended up with a bill of A$400+ for a group of 14 hungry souls.

Some city building

Asian food!!

One of those bills you dont wish to see

Retro babe

Skies made with love above us all =)

Hi again. I miss you.

2011-06-11T10:45:00.002+08:00

Hello. Greetings.

So here's one joy of my life since a very long time. Hi bunny, they call me that after putting on Long Johns and doing all those Charlie Chaplin moves to instigate the audience. Got the crowd hyped up with my bunny outfit at the expense of my pride and face. Oh well, all for laughs, there were much more we would have done to get people laughing. I have a great night and God knows what you can imagine what we have done.

Anyway its been awhile since I arrived and coping well with everything here.

Words of Emotions
I know it may sound a little emo from here onwards, but I need this form of release. So excuse yourself if you don't wish to see the emo part of me.

What I am about to share is something truthful, something from the bottom of my heart have felt but not being able to express it openly in my workplace. Or no one really wish to listen to this weak part of mine right here and there's absolute no one appropriate that I could share this with except here.. No one have that spare time or patience to listen out.
But I think people who are able recognize and acknowledge weakness are the people who would able to go furtherest, instead of not facing their weakness. Ain't going to run away from this.

I miss loving a girl. Having someone to love and think all day. My life is really down without having anyone I love or really really truly, madly and deeply insanely in love with. I am powered by love, it is the very essence how all human being's positive natural motivation comes about. I love my Mum, I love my Sis but that's a different kind of love.

The feeling of wanting to live with her for eternity, to make her smile forever, make her laugh, share all my god knows what weirdo stories with her, listening out to her rantings, share a common interest, walk the world with her together or touch her soft cheeks. I miss the feeling of having a special girl that means a World to me.
Although I never had a girlfriend but I once had (a bloody long time ago and not worth trying to recall those wounds) someone really special to me. I wish to have that again... to love her as if there were no tomorrow.

Honestly, as I was sitting through a dull lecture few days back, no information was going into my head although they were all very crucial. I had no life within me, no spark, no flame. Practically going through motions of the need to be there. We had a toilet break and I took a look at my friend's FB PM about trying to set me up with a person I have a crush on, my world just lit again. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that msg and started thinking of all the possible ways I could get to know her, could do things with her, could ask her or to make her laugh. After that toilet break, I was surprisingly energized and hyped out digesting all the knowledge that was taught. But that flame only lasted a few moments only coming down to Earth and coming to reality that its not actually possible with the distance and the "shy" culture Asian have. Ultimately, my friend didnt cared much either.

All I could do now is to pray. So lord, let me meet that special someone soon. I need that special person, let me bang to her into the streets, accidentally post a fb msg or whatsoever. Whatever means, how expected or unexpected it could be. If not I'll just be a dull hag until I reach uni in 5 years time. Ah crap. Oh wells.
I am not desperate, mind you =).

Trying with my best effort to put my thoughts into words, no confusions intended down here =).

Till next time.

You wouldn't believe if I'd told you.

2011-05-17T14:53:00.000+08:00

This definitely is one of the most spontaneous trip ever. We were granted leave on the 10th and poop, we found ourselves in Phuket on the 11th. We bought the air tickets about 16 hours before the actual departure time, with much gratitude towards the establishments of budget airlines. And we booked our hotel 8 hours prior to our arrival. Worst of all, we had the impression that the airplane ticket was at departing at 7pm when it was actually at 1pm. Thanks to our regular training of resilience, we got ourselves ready in an hour and cabbed down to Airport, settled our lunch in 10 odds minutes and literally marathon (with all the undigested food and luggage we have) to the boarding gate.

With nothing in mind of what awaits us and clueless about the activities available in Phuket, we clicked on the webbie and sent a bill for any tickets that was within our price range. None of us actually been to a unguided tour to thailand before that ended ourselves a problem of conversing in their language here. In the end, we got ourselves ripped off from a taxi ride from Airport to our hotel.

But 天无绝人之路, there were many more fun and awesome activities waiting for us in Phuket. We walked with the fatique of having IPPT in the morning throughout the day, darn it was challenging because these thighs have not run at that kind of intensity for the last 4 months.

We came across these little booth which offered attractive tour packages and tourist activities. Mr JC's sweetie tongue got us a good price cut off our tour package and activities. While Mr CS's innocent and cute looking charm was an edging to get the attention of bystanders. We had a cool trip with 2 Finnish ladies and a lecturer from the University of Seoul. While our nights were drowned with beer down at a live band Pub, with good vocals and a soothing saxophonist. one of the coolest nights we had was with a Canadian Mum and her 2 daughters. Where a dude was coming to our table and showing off his charming moves for a chance to date one of mama's daughter for the night. But mama kept her kids well away from potent threats, nothing beat a mama's bear like instincts. She's an awesome mum, I'd had wish she was my wife . Not forgetting the famous Ping Pong show everyone in town is talking about, always something about seduction that made a town famous. But we had a few good laugh and found it rather boring, it destroyed my perfect picture for a pretty girl. Nonetheless, the Canadian mama painted a good one up again =).

I'm quite tired of living a single life and not letting myself loose. It would be better to open up my options. Open up to the society and receive whatever it has in store for me. Know my bottom line, no sex, no smoking and no drugs. The world out there is waiting for me to be explored =D.

I'm so thankful for embarking on this getaway trip with these 2 funny pie. How much more nonsense can we get.

Now it's time to move ourselves into our stanch to get ready for whatever shit that is waiting for us over the Oceania.

Hello lonely blog.

2011-05-02T21:09:00.001+08:00

Haha, it's been quite a lonely blog every since my college days, guess there are hardly any friends in my life right now. Rather lonely days.

I'm in a rather difficult position now and seems like that the problem is going to persist for the few years.

What's my problem?
I'm having problems trying to fit in with my group of friends down here.
Why?
All of them are attached and has a girlfriend. No one really want to spend that extra commitment to understand one another.
So why not get a girlfriend yourself?
I very much wish to but I'm in an all guy dominant environment and I can't probably be desperate trying to get a girl just to make her my girlfriend. They say love comes when you least expect it to be.
Why not confide with your family members?
There are enough problems within my family so adding on oil to the fire may cause even more unhappiness to them =/.
So when I have problems, who do I find?
I tried talking to my JC friends, Secondary school friends but somehow everyone has their own problems and are quite reluctant to listen out. Or otherwise, do not get my drift cause it's rather hard to explain to them the complication of the things going on around here.
Conclusion?
I got to swallow of all these problems and try to solve them myself. Learn to be more independent. Till one day, I wish to share all the good thing with that special someone.

The above self conversation is rather emotional I recon but hey, I'm cornered to do this. Had tried finding many options to get a life out there but failed. So meanwhile I'll stay chill until fun knocks on my door.
What's up with me for the last 4 months? Practically everyday have been books and screens from 8am to 5.30pm, tons of test and essays. Research was a personal initiative but they are crucial to score. This was one of the few time I hanged so tightly on my limit and try to keep up. To make it worst, the environment isnt exactly ideal when you have objective friends and no family around to help you stabilize your emotion. Practically, I have been in hell, mental hell, trying to fit in and change myself to be useful. Now it's coming to an end but it's only going to get worst when I head overseas. Brace yourself for more challenges but always know the right principles when it comes down to vital decisions. =). Love your family, help the weak (provided they dont backstab you), do things for a good cause and credits are just a bonus.

INSPIRATION

Dian Liang Xing Fu Wei Liang - Zhuang Jing Jie

"God gently closed my eyes, but to open my heart happy to see another

window. In the past, my eyes were open but my heart was too blind to feel love

上天轻轻地关上了我的双眼，却打开我心中另一扇看见幸福的窗"

I came across this book written about this girl named Zhuang Jing Jie, introduced by my mum <3. She had retina degradation at age of 13 when she unfortunately was involved in a car accident. The accident blinds her world and she could only physically see objects within 10cm of her focal cells vision. It was a no cure injury that impedes her learning.

She would require to sit through an exam 3 times longer the duration of a normal person due to the visual impaired. She uses a bino on the black board and a magnifying glass when writing essays. She only sleeps a few hours a day to keep up with school works. But it did not stopped her from pursueing a honours degree in engineering which put her at the position of any other normal person or even better.

I am awed by her optimism and cheerfulness to pursue better life.
A person's character are somehow shown on their faces. You could be the ugliest person in the whole wide world, but I think the most pretty people in this world are those people with a pretty heart =).

I hope to earn big bucks and helped those in N.A. to find hope through love. Cause love is probably the only way to cure all those injury or hurtful and despising eyes towards them. Don't forget this dream ok?

My feelings.

2011-04-16T13:56:00.001+08:00

"In the midst of war, our human nature to love, even the descendants of our enemies, still prevails in one way or another."

-littlebitsoficexo

Peace

2011-04-10T10:51:00.001+08:00

Stepping into this civilian world makes me feel very much like stepping into Disneyland during my childhood vacation overseas.

So comfortable and magical. It's like a wonder to living in such environment compared to the cell I've been kept in.
The freedom to make mistakes without heavy punishment. To do a backflip without people thinking that you are awkward. To socialise without looking at your status or ranks. To smile at people without having them to think "what are your objectives?"

I hope the world know how many people had dedicated their entire lives just to pose a formidable threat to aggressions and protect peace, harmony.
Some of these lives could have chose a much more joyful path with more happy returns but dedicated their lives often on some meaningless missions to deter external powers.

Peace out.

Sent from my iPod

What's with internet.

2011-04-09T20:59:00.001+08:00

You are bored at home and thinking of something to whine down after a long day of work, so you decided to open your computer as we all know.. there are abundant of encyclopedic informations in there, filled with geeky entertainment, serenading voices and god knows what up to date news feeds will be awaiting for your first attention.

So what's the first ever think you ever read when you open up that browser?

They call it facebook. Something you 'connect' with friends without actually physically be in contact with them.

Log on to your messengers hoping that someone would chat and make your day. Look through the number of people "online" or "available" choosing your next victim to harass.

What's next, then you venture into something call blogs thinking that it might give you more insights on news you might have not heard of. Or will know before anyone would have heard of.

But at the end of the day, you shut down your computer feeling the same way you did before switching on that computer.

My friends, you have fall into this trap of pseudo-dilemma-satisfaction. Instead of trying to browse through all that narcissistic photos on facebook, instead of trying to know your friends through their well paraphrased blog entries or waiting on that chat messenger for an angel to appear... Head out! See reality for the true beauty it has. Virtual is something that never exist and if you put virtual and factual together, we get 2012.

Ciao!

8G

2011-03-30T08:38:00.001+08:00

It's nerve wrecking, heart pounding, numb and all that is felt are
tiny little micro bites. It sends your face into the future, some
looked like we are in our 30s, some 50s and some in our graves. It
swells and hurts, like the feeling of drowning and ends you up with a
whole body of measles. Every breathe you take is a struggle to stay
alive.

Sitting on your brim, all is seen is a single tunnel of light, within
the already suffocating you is a small sparkle of hope to regain
conscious, wanting to feel that perfect vision you always had. It
slowly creeps till total darkness and it's uncontrollable, till the
point you fall from conscious or you release the button.

All those attentions on instruments and spatial awareness only centred
at one vision : to fight this G monster.

But when I see those darkness, I remembered you. That vision of you
that fired me up, giving me a reason to stand up again. To stand up
against all these odds. No matter if it's all backstabbers here, it
doesn't matter if I'm weak or at my limits, it doesn't matter if I'm
seeing darkness. Seeing you lights up the world. It's an unspoken and
unexplained truth. But although you died, that thought has always been
a motivation. I can't deny it, love is part of me. It's every part of
me when I'm at my limits.

Thank you and rest well :). I'll continue discovering love, the best
part of it or the bad part of it, I'll walk with it :).

G measles.

2011-03-29T21:56:00.000+08:00

Imagine it in large scale. Measles. That gross. Get off meeeeee.

My fight

2011-03-27T06:57:00.000+08:00

Fight that monster, that G monsta. 9G, fight it.

There's always a us in trust, lie in believe, end in friends, over in lover, if in life.

your kindness, i will not forget

2011-03-16T08:40:00.001+08:00

A thought flashed through my head and it happened 2 years ago when I
went Japan. When I was at Disneysea, a kawaii japanese girl dropped
her "fastpass ticket" -3 of them- and I happened to pick them up. They
were running towards one of the ride station and one of them dropped
it. I gave chase until the station and finally called out to her.
I handed over the ticket and she gave a very sincere and loud "thank
youuu" in her very own japanese assent. We exchanged few looks while
we walked away but that was the most we could do cause I wasn't bold
enough to ask for anything.

That kindness and smile had been kept in my heart until today, it
flashed cross me as I was writting my essay. Weird I know. If the
world have Japan's deep culture of understanding and sincerity, the
world would have been a better place to live in :).
I want to live in japan! No matter how badly it have been hit. Not for
the place but for the people and culture they have.

I will be there for you.

2011-03-13T09:56:00.001+08:00

One day, I'll be there for you guys. Just wait when I get my wings, I'll lift your away from worries and fear. This is my destiny, I wanna help people.

Just wait. I'm coming.

Allow and accept

2011-03-11T22:42:00.000+08:00

2 failed papers. A dislocated shoulder. 3x weekend confinement. Dog eating dog world.

Not always what it seems to be...

2011-02-27T16:05:00.000+08:00

You see. These friendship are what I really wished to keep. But things aren't as simple as it seemed to be. When you have the ability to read the true thoughts of people, what they will do next, what they really want out of you, things don't get so simple.

But I really wish to be simple and be this kid I am whenever I am off working hours, live life simple. A true heart towards true and pure friends. I still want to be there for each and everyone who was here for me on this day.

Thank you =).

When you need someone close to talk to..

2011-02-15T21:46:00.000+08:00

Crap Shit Idoit Chicken Backside.

I just failed meteorology. 2 more of this shit and I'm out of here.
Help =(.

There's a life your missing if you stay you'll never get it.

2011-02-10T13:11:00.000+08:00

There's a life your missing if you stay you'll never get it.

What's a man doing when he's turning to the prime of his life at 21? In front of a pile of notes, in an all guy environment, with so much that's required of him. Huge responsibility, so much commitment, so much big talks about our characters. How we tackle minute things, how much small little things reflects ourselves in the future.

Where's the adrenaline rush that I once felt? That I loved riding on. That feeling of seeing the worlds prettiest girl right in front of your eyes. So gorgeous, you have been thinking of her night and day. All those thoughts of wanting to spend hapoy times with her. Generating a Dozen ways you can ask for her number. That amazing girl that turns you on when exams are coming, race are starting or when you are on the brink of death. Just at the end of all those trauma, all you wish to tell her is "I love you" or confess to her your feeling. I confess that I use to like she males but what's this gay tendency happening now and then. help.

Now running is just another feeling like walking. Exams are just like reading another book.
Booking out is just like going home everyday.

The ONLY thought I fell in love with is... flying, but I'm also a human who needs affection, love and attention.

Sent from my iPod

Revelation

2011-02-09T07:50:00.000+08:00

Its a moment of unspoken words,

reflections.
self consciousness.

When truth prevails, all the world's ambiguity uncloak itself.
If you were made of water crystals, a rainbow smile across the skies.
But if you were just dust particles, a dark shadow cast over the streets.

I cancels out procrastination, excuses and all other form mask.
It's truth for itself.

When time stops

2011-02-03T23:56:00.003+08:00

Ever since the day I shaved my hair and got ready for the most enduring journey of my life, I was ready for the worst. Similarly, my life stops there. In this period of Chinese New Year, the longest holiday I had since a long time, I woke up from my routine life, a life bounded by systems and rules.. I woke up for a moment feeling like a CIVILIAN. Just like everyone out here.

Time stopped on that day I chose to put my life on the line, to lead a life with a higher purpose. I've been really missing out a lot on life. Be it hanging out with close friends, going on a movie or go out with besties to do nonsense things, they have all been missing for quite sometime. I foreseen that this is just going to get worst with time, when everyone starts to go uni... it might be harder for me to click with them. I fear the loneliness, fear the ostracism and hate the me I've become sometimes. But what to do, they require me to be so hard, unkind and fierce.. from the hour i opened my eyes till I close them, I must behave like this. Oh, good thing they spared my dreams, I still will preserve myself in dreams =). Be soft, humble and sensitive like you always have Alvin!

Test are coming and I'm failing, after not holding a pen for almost a year, it feels awkward writing with one. Weird hand writings, slow critical thinking and incomplete thought process. My brains are having a hard time trying to be the me in college, totally like some secondary school kid. Meteorology is up next and don't fall short this time =).

Pull the jump shots and make the basket count, that was what jiao lian always shouted out to me.

Gambatteeee-ni!

This is life.

2011-02-03T00:04:00.002+08:00

Weather and me.

2011-01-29T00:31:00.001+08:00

Craps, after reading my past few post, I've realised that almost all of them share the same nature of content - personal emotional "espionage". So no more, this blog shouldn't be all about my unhappiness but also my thoughts. Happy post this time.

WX
Have been studying a lot lately, almost about anything and everything in the skies. So well, when you get information overload in classes, you tend to daydream and wonderful and awkward imaginations take place.

We were learning about the many different types of clouds and they are somewhat like choosing a girlfriend

.
Let's begin with the highest cloud at 20,000ft

The family of above 20k feet. Aka. upper income class, because they are "up there".

Cirrus clouds are commonly seen in Singapore. The slimmest and wispy amongst all cloud, made up by ice crystals (diamond lovers). When you give her "warm front", this girl is smoother on its surface. Clam as she might be look and tingle you, she can deceive you in a few hours cause a heavy storm is coming your way.
This kind of girl are pretty but materialistic and dangerous, in short are like high maintenance vehicle (HMV).... AVOID.

Cirrocumulus clouds are like little patches of cloth trying to cover up the entire sky. She is very organize and align herself neatly with other clouds of her kind. Similar with her sister, cirrus, she can't without ice crystals jewelries. However, even her being so neat, she is unable to shade the earth from the scotching sun. This type of girls, on top of being a HMV, are perfectionist to no results. AVOID.

Cirrostratus clouds is a thin layer cloud that covers a large surface area of clouds in the sky. Like both her sisters - Cirrus and Cirrocumulus - she love ice crystals. But she's different and known to be the kindest among her family cause she possesses a halo. When she directly covers the sun or moon, a "halo" is shown to be hovering over her due to transparency and light reflective (caused by ice crystals). She's the kind of girl I've been considering for very long... kind yet high maintenance. Yet, I came to a conclusion that without the sun or moon, she'll still be evil. AVOID.

The family of 6,500 to 20,000 feet. Aka "middle income class".
The middle class, unlike the upper class are made up largely of water droplets and vapour. Life's more practical and comfortable at these temperature.

Altocumulus looks like cirrocumulus as she is the cousin of hers but she's more bold and thicker. Just like her cousin, she is neat and perfect. Just that she has a bad temper, in a few short hours, it'll be thunderstorms and reign on you. This is kind of girl is going grab you at your neck and make sure you pay for small mistakes, when you get caught by her, marriage will be a prison. AVOID.

Well, Altostratus there's only one thing I can say about you. You cover the sunshine of my life. The whole world looks dark with you around, I was dull and boring when you came. When my craft flies through you, you create atmospheric icing and kill my wings, sending me to death. I hate you. AVOID.

The family of less than 6,500 feet. Aka "low income group". (not even term as "class". WTH)

Stratoscumulus Stratocumulus, I love you the most. I like it how you drizzle lightly on my head or block out the sun when I'm having a hard day. You have done good to many parts of mother earth by shielding the poles directly from UV rays. Because you are drier and formed up of more stable air particles, you always stay long enough with me. But sometimes you stayed too long that it gets on my nerves, it invades my personal privacy and my whole day's schedule is affected by you because you cause long hours of drizzle. AVOID.

Oh Stratus, it's just so hard to take a photo of you. Because practically, you take no shape. It was always hard to find you because you always play hard to get. You hide amongst mist and fog, shy to show yourself. When I'm you, I could hardly see. My poor visibility was because I was always blinded by your love. But why of all girls, do you have to dump me? I know I was at fault when it comes to figuring out where was your head or toe when I hug you. Nonetheless, when you left me, I realised how pretty this world was again. Good bye love.

Cumulonimbus is horrible. Period. You drenched me the instant we met. Electrocute me with your bolts and you are mentally unstable. AVOID.

The unclassified family. Exist from Earth's surface to 20,000 ft.

Dear Cumulus, thank you for providing me with such fair weather each day. You are puffy and cute girl that all guys loves. Love at first sight describes you. Despite you having unstable air particles within. I understand that you are the kind of women which keeps all the troubles to herself and absorbs all the stress and unhappiness, showing only the happy side of you to all around. But do not keep these to yourself for you might develop into towering Towering Cumulus then to Cumulonimbus and indirectly harm those around you with tonados, typhoons, hails and watersprouts. AVOID.

---THE END---

2011-01-20T16:45:00.004+08:00

Not being able to sleep or eat are just the obvious basics.
Falling asleep and waking up are hell too.
Because you can't figure out how you and the person you love are to become strangers.
You can't even complain to other people.
Because they may badmouth her and him.
So, you cry alone.

It's ended, you've given up,
but only the memories of love come to mind.
But, the more you do that, the longer it takes to erase those memories.

So to a person who's been left,
365 days are spent in the process of breaking up.
But the thing that really hurts,
is the other person doesn't even seem to be thinking of you.

It feels like it's just you that can't let go.
That person seems to have forgotten all about you and is just happy.
All you want to do is die, but you can't die either.

Because you might never... see that person again.

And I keep asking myself..

2011-01-20T13:34:00.001+08:00

Is it possible to make things better...

How can this be done without behaving this way?
Is there a less crude method?
How can we prevent everyone from arrowing one another?

It's not a solution that I can find, if not it would well be implemented.
Just continue living in such a harsh environment i guess, until my brain can come up with a good solution.

A vow before getting on the road.

2011-01-19T10:05:00.001+08:00

In just a few short days, it will mark the start of an expedite journey. A path that many have failed and return to zero ground. If that were to happen to me eventually, I will take it with open arms and move on with life. Even if it is after 3 years.

It's okay even if I'm not walking the conventional path as all my other friends do. It is cool even when I'm only entering the university only at 25.

Here's my vow and resolutions to myself that marks my guiding star.
1. Never to look back again and regret on signing those papers.
2. Abstain from alcohol as much as possible
3. Remain smoking free
4. Entering the university no matter how reluctant I am after the few years.
5. I'm going to put in my 101% in getting my wings.
6. Don't worry about love, they can come later.

So much for self assurance =)

2011-01-15T22:48:00.000+08:00

“All I need is my one star in the sky, to wish for you everyday.”

Do know that that a aircraft drags is what makes it so responsive? Transformation of aerofoils is the difference between travelling at supersonic speed and cruising speed?

Skin deep

2011-01-10T22:26:00.000+08:00

My days had been hidden in this cloud of being surface.

Our conversation revolved around materialistic goods. Sunglasses,
cars, headphones, phones, bikes, party, alcohol, games and girls. All
baseless friendship and very surface conversation.
I was hidden in this cloud of materialistic place and I didn't realise
I was slowly absorb into that baseless world. Everyone chatting in
this place of emptiness, this room is extremely noisy but at the end
of today, tonight ended just like the start of today.

I realised all of these in a nick of a moment when she cried
yesterday, I forgot who I once was, I forgot what it means to be
myself, not to change for people around me and not to be afraid to
show this side of me.

Edging out.

2011-01-08T10:52:00.000+08:00

When you know the world like I do, it's a shame.

Party, drink, smoke, arrowing tasks, pushing responsibilities and trampling on the powerless.
Life's not as simple as if I put in the effort, I'll be credited for what I do. It comes to a point of who's the smartest and who has the best ability to take shortcuts? Probably it's how I'm looking at things now or may be it's just the way people around me are behaving. I prefer to be simple, just a simple person and oblivion to negative comments or gossip sessions. You can keep all the money and privileges, this is not me when I'm doing those things. =/

HAPPY 2011!!
2010 is almost all about marching, respect, regimentation and of course the big D - discipline. Crap, I'm totally brainwashed. Anyhow, I'm constantly reminded that I've good friends around me who have been rooting me and also met many many new friends - many of similar backgrounds, interest and no doubt .. gender.

Finally, deary diary, we have entered the era of 2011. This year is going to be smashing cause its my coming of 21st. Yes, this is also the year I would be granted wings, finally after an extremely long wait. Resolution for this year would be doing good deeds. Use my heart to think much more than my head. Keep myself simple, out of drinking and smoking. Love myself more =).

The thing about working and growing up

2010-12-29T19:12:00.001+08:00

You start making friends for the sake of needing to foster closer relationship in order to perform a certain task.

You accept gifts and treats knowing fairly well that they will be asking you for a favor, or needing help from you in the future.

Realizing that there are objectives behind every actions of those around you. Everything comes with a rationale and reasons.

You start to see the selfish side of everyone else.

I miss my childhood life.

what have i done to deserve this?

2010-12-25T09:47:00.001+08:00

What have I done to be in such a bad light.
What have I done to deserve losing my soul supporter and dream girl to
a good friend.
What have I done to be called untrustworthy by a really close friend.
Why am I called a narcissist?
Why does he say I make my friend's blood boil?
Why does my closest friends say they are wasting time with me?
Why does he say that I am insensitive?
Why am I always celebrating victory alone?
What have I done to deserve dad being like that?
Why is everyone leaving?
When are friends when you need them most, or they are here only for
the good times?
Why am I accused of being selfish when I was trying to help?
Why am I so jealous of other families.

May be the kindest people always get bullied. May be the evil people
always get what they want. May be Liars always get the girls and
money. May be the truth was never desired. May be people rather lived
in denial.

All I ever wanted in life was to fly and make people's life better and
obviously I made them worst.

What's the point of my existence? To the world, what's the point of my
existence?

What have I done...

2010-12-25T00:43:00.003+08:00

It's because you were a close friend that I became so open about it and I was just trying to help. I recognised probably I wasn't helping at all, not once was I positive in the team. From the very beginning till now. We probably was just a college team, nothing more than that...

"it's just that you were never very trustworthy

i only dont tell you things

because you are the absolute worse person to trust

great now go touch your heart and reflect upon that word "sarcasm"

if i ever trust you again, damn me i'll be a fool.

now for a fact, i know you are a narcissist.

ho ho then today is a day you achieve epiphany

because you have no idea what you've done

secondly you have absolutely no idea what kind of a person you are

you don't think before you act

and you cant even read people well

absolutely no emotional quotient whatsoever

dude, i don't think i'm going to waste any more of my time on you

i have better things to do

take care and i wish you the best of luck with your friends

you dont know how much you make their blood boil

well you made it worse with all your assumptions, it's a pity up till now you have no idea

for the record, you were a great friend

ask the canoeists, they'll give you your answer

nothing happened but it isn't the first time you've posted her name on facebook

in the past _ was more than enough

typing out her full name, seriously dude, last straw

you're too insensitive to even understand anything

what in the world

it wasnt the first time alvin quek

and dude you have no idea what i feel

seriously alvin, fuck you and stop being a pathetic piece of shit"

What's next?

2010-12-24T12:27:00.003+08:00

You may think achieving a dream may well be rewarding, but when all
your dreams just falls into place in an instant, you are caught in a
dilemma of a virtual standstill asking yourself.. "What's next?".
I dated my dream girl, I got my ambition of becoming a pilot and a
course I wanted the uni. So here I am, asking myself.. What's next for
my life.

Staring at the stars gave me no answers and looking back gave
me no clue about my future ahead. I could only live each day as if
they were brand new.
I know I always want someone to spread love and lost my heart to, but
there's currently no avenue or if not WRONG avenue for me to find one,
this will go on for the next 5 years where I'm trapped in service.

Guess I'll have to cope it myself and learnt more to be independent.
Love can wait :), although I frequently longed to belonged to someone.
And I'll still continue to indulge in this "what's next" question so
if someone could enlighten me :).

Dreams paved our ways

and pushed us to our limits

Everything that have happened in these few months is Just A Dream.

2010-10-23T15:33:00.002+08:00

What keeps me coming back here?

There are tiny moments in life when you just can't seem to comprehend how things happened the way they did. You feel lost and out of resentment, you go around searching aimlessly for a solution.

I rested my thoughts here for almost 7 years and it's time to move.

Cya!

http://letters4me.tumblr.com/

2010-10-21T22:18:00.003+08:00

Crap.

Give me an alternative solution to understanding a person. I'm confused.

Although we start out with good intentions but it turns nasty if you weren't providing with the right amount, at the right moment and in the right style.

It's like us experiencing haze, it looks like it but it is never what it was. Couldn't see the far horizons but could only work on your current path, walking towards your destination.

Like catholic faith, where you never get to see god but only heard about them.

I really don't know you at all. I don't understand your actions, your hints or any of your thoughts.

Wind! Please clear my fog.

2010-10-11T08:18:00.008+08:00

8 days of escape.

It was an abrupt decision when my Mum suddenly told me to pack up and head to Taiwan! Shortly after 2 days, I found my foot off the grounds again and take flight all the way to Taiwan. 8 days with my mummy was an outstanding achievement for me, cause for the past days, the longest consecutive days I've been home was only 2. So then, "finally we managed to catch up". That's how she put it, although I booked out everyday and still manage to send a smile each day.
To the women who loves me most in this whole wide world.

This will be probably be the only 8 days straight period that I'll be spending with you in a long while. The commitment in life is getting greater and so much I must aspire to survive successfully as an adult.

To my dearest mum, these may be the last 8 days we'll be able to spend together like that. The laughter, joy, jokes, gossip, food or shopping, I'll treasure them most.

I love you. I would want to give both dad and you the most in your elderly age, happy times and joyful moments. So I'm going to work my best for these 2 years, get my financial stability and I promise to visit this week once again. =).

Of a special friend

During my trip, i encountered this very special friend. 4 years ago, we met in Hong Kong during an exchange trip. She was my host and I was her guest. What made her such a special friend was because we had a surprising amount of things in common, eventhough we lived so far apart. Our growing up years seemed to be simingly taunted and broken in terms of our academics. She stayed back a year and so did I, bla bla bla..

That was when we started a series of letters, each made up of stories to motivate each another. Small though they may be but it made a difference in me. Although I can bleakly remember what was written in them. Haha.
We both loved outdoor, sports such as basketball, music such as hilllsongs, movies such as inception, interest such as backpacking around the world, ambitions such as helping the poverted in 3rd world countries or believes such as christianity. Practically, we shared the first half our lives encountering similiar things (close to similiar may be?)

"Distance actually doesnt mean anything, it's you that really matters".

When I entered the army, I always questioned myself about my love life. At nights, I lay on my bed thinking about my years ahead when I signed on. "When will I finally meet one?", "is it alright if I only have one girl in my entire life?". Especially when the exposure to girls i extremely limited in the force. Got a little desperate sometimes which made me a little flirty with girls. Frankly, all guys in service are some what like that too, but probably differs in degree of it. Girls! Grab your army guys, they'll willingly submit submissively. Haha.

She made me realise the importance of being myself and that love couldn't be rushed. Love should be pure and simple, made up of pure and unconditional affection for one another. Not those tactics on I how to get a girl interested in you that I've been learning from my coursemates.

She is a single up till now and not been to a single date, mainly because she's been actively engaged with her studies and helping at the NGOs. So why get attached to romance at such an age? To me, love is sometimes boring and such a drag. Live your life to the fullest now, meet more friends, climb the unclimbed peaks, break the world records and go all around the world to see the horizons. =). I'm more interested in that.

Love will drop by one day, god had everything well plan for. He has the perfect plan, one that is unexpectable and impossible to comprehend but one that will be perfect. Not the perfect woman, but the perfect girl just for me.

Be it having only 1 girlfriend or none in my entire life, I know god has his best plans lined up for me :).

Thank you fiona =).

Until our next meet up again!

2010-10-06T21:44:00.000+08:00

"There is no such thing as an ex-fighter pilot.
Once a young man straps on a jet aircraft and climbs into the heavens to do battle,

it sears his psyche forever.

At some point he will hang up his flight suit - eventually they all do -

and in the autumn of his years his eyes may dim and he may be stooped with age.

But ask him about his life and his eyes flash and his back straightens and his hands demonstrate aerial maneuvers and every conversation begins with

"There I was at ... "

and he is young again as he remembers his glory days.

He remembers the days when he sky-danced through the heavens,

when he could press a button and summon the lightning and invoke the thunder,

the days when he was a prince of the earth and a lord of the heavens.

He remembers his glory days and he is young again."

From Boyd by Robert Coram

2010-09-13T21:50:00.002+08:00

My Girl

An untold fairytale.

A forgiving mum.

One brave dad.

One sweet and understanding child.

2010-09-09T21:24:00.000+08:00

To lose it all, in the blur of the start.
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing.
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising.
Just be true to who you are.

2010-09-04T15:26:00.003+08:00

The colourings of life

Indeed, the ups and downs of life is within the hands of the beholder.

No matter how boring life could be, most of the time it's up to the individuals to make them more colourful and interesting.

More interestingly, motivation is a disease - a healthy disease that spread like a venom. And I was gladly down with this disease passed by someone who have so much passion in wakeboard.

3 weeks around this place and I found a cool new 2 close friends. Somehow, we shared the common interest and ambition made the nature our conversation smooth. Feels good when there is someone I could talk to about personal issues and talk about secrets, bitch freely when we need to =).

It really feels more comfortable when you don't have to contain all your feelings to yourself and could share it with someone who actually understands it =).

To burn these 2 months of free time I have, I decided to take part in the coming Rd Ubin. To find some goals in life along the way and to get ready for the physical requirement of my next phase. Hello macritchie =)

Some random photos taken recently. Haven't been taking lots of photos lately cause as we all know, we aren't allowed to have cameras in there! Haha.

To the most dedicated teacher <3>

And the most dedicated instructor. Cool tao dude. =)

He's really handsome btw.

And the best friends I encountered.

Thank u lord for answering my prayer =).

2010-08-28T23:01:00.001+08:00

greetings diary!

this page of my diary is lonely. being on this lonely journey have been painful. it's a bad thing when only 1 person passes.
I found myself lost and empty.
lost of someone to talk to, empty of a companion whom walk the same path as me, who understands my situation and I could pour all my problems out to.
I want to share with that someone how exciting my life have been and complain about all the stress I've been shouldering.

lord I pray for that person to come sooner. I really need him/her beside me, to share my joys and sorrows. I want to love and be loved.

lord, I just need a friend. someone I can closely relate to. a keen listener or a good social talker. to hear about his/her life and be heard at the same time. I'm not trying to be greedy, just one will do...

2010-08-22T15:44:00.002+08:00

"♫ ~ I don't wanna waste my time again, by getting wasted with so-called friends.
Cause They don't know me, but they pretend to be part of my social scenery ~ .♫"

Awesome. I just managed to find the right song to relate to how I'm feeling now.

I hate myself for going clubbing sometimes. Cause it's just not myself when I'm in there, crazy music and alcohol forced down my throat.

Just because my immediate social circle likes it there, doesn't mean that I have to follow suit, isn't it? Yes, it's a kind of norm for those people to come to club and open bottle to celebrate something. But that's not my cup of tea in any case.

Friends aren't people who make you pay for a bottle and their entry fee tickets.

Friends aren't people who gets you drunk.

Friends aren't people who encourage you on things you dislike.

2nd and never again. Unless with the best friends =).

I'd rather choose to be myself.

2010-08-18T20:51:00.000+08:00

From watch man. IT'S REALLY COOL!!

Doctor Manhattan:
Thermo-dynamic miracles... events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing.
And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter... Until your mother loves a man she has every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermo-dynamic miracle.

Laurie Juspeczyk:
But...if me, my birth, if that's a thermodynamic miracle... I mean, you could say that about anybody in the world!.

Dr. Manhattan:
Yes. Anybody in the world. ..But the world is so full of people, so crowded with these miracles that they become commonplace and we forget... I forget. We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from the another's vantage point. As if new, it may still take our breath away. Come...dry your eyes. For you are life, rarer than a quark and unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg; the clay in which the forces that shape all things leave their fingerprints most clearly.

Laurie Juspeczyk:
Is that what you are? The most powerful thing in the universe and you're just a puppet following a script?

Doctor Manhattan:
We're all puppets, Laurie. I'm just a puppet who can see the strings.

2010-08-17T21:07:00.002+08:00

I came across this comment today which is damn basted but logical:

"It's so stupid to have bus lanes. Why must poor people get to places faster than me?"

HAHAHA

2010-08-16T20:04:00.004+08:00

杜 U ♥ Me?

I'm here to make my stand. To tell the world that one shouldn't be waiting for something to happen, wait for something or someone you've waited all your life for and regret in the end. In chinese they call it "守株待兔" and it means to earn something just by waiting bluntly and not do anything about it.

Singaporeans are well taken care of, sometimes overly cared, for that 守株待兔 is a comfy norm. You have no idea, how unmotivated I am for the past few months. Life seems meaningless and everyday is just like a passing day with nothing fresh. I've been living in this dilemma of having no hope... no life... no companionship...

The thing about life is that: your life is how decide of it, it's the outcome of your own control. If you are happy about it, not only you but people around you will also be happy. Likewise for motivation or positivity. =). It doesn't matter if the job is slack or tough in nature, it can always be made fun through one way or another.

So came another new person into our office today and I'm so glad she came. Cause she brought all the positivity and motivation with her, somehow.. I finally see some light and start to do things with will power again. I'm going to study modelling, airmanship and my future planes now, make productive use of my 2 months here.

Running

Don't laugh but I look like a tortoise swabbing in a pond when I run now. Flabby and bouncy, no technique and form at all. Running feels awkward. Train up, buff up and get it back all over again. JIA YOU!!! =DD

2010-08-13T22:26:00.002+08:00

I Give My First Love to You

Not a bad show to catch =).

Theme song:-

2010-08-12T14:05:00.007+08:00

Life ain’t always easy everyday

It ain’t the end of the world

Have a drink with me and let's party tonight
Go down In history..

2010-08-07T08:16:00.001+08:00

2010-08-06T17:48:00.005+08:00

F**k. I'm in love with her.

It's written off when I was around 8 because it's a dangerous a/c that had numerous accidents. I'm so in love with her even since I was a child. Blackbird SR-71, that's one name i knew since I was a kid.

2010-08-05T22:35:00.001+08:00

Dreams and me

Here's my claim : everything begins with a dream. Human ply for things by wanting, for the very same reason why we mankind dream.
We dream for simple things like love or the biggest things like wealth. When I was young, i always dreamt that toy figurine are able to manoeuvre and jump up to life. When i grew older, i dreamt about scoring ace in exams, winning national sports competition. And for today, i dreamt about soaring in the skies.
Dreams, they are powers not to be underestimated. Power beyond control and comprehension, powers that are able to turn imaginations into realities.

The wright bothers once dreamt that man kind are able to penetrate the skies and today we witnessed the galaxy with our own eyes. People are able to live on the dream of others and made it their own brand new dream. In this complexity, a more powerful double layered dream is formed. Coupled with inspirations of the makers of these dreams, today we have a craft called the 'spaceship'.

Those hallucinations or sudden flashes of great sensational feel are probably what binds me so closely to what i achieved. Probably that's my secret weapon i've always been using, the secret to most of my successes - to dream.

Don't stop dreaming folks! =)

2010-08-02T19:59:00.003+08:00

6 weeks abroad have imposed a challenge of me being homesick.

So what's the experience for this whole time at Oz?

I definitely learnt how to live alone and to occupy myself whenever I'm lonely. For an entire week, I had to live with my only guy friend under one roof. No doubt it questions me if I'm turning gay but most of the time he is skyping with his mysterious girl, so I'm left alone for most of the time. Play ball, strike pool, gym and movie marathon alone. In a way, I'm forced to live my life myself but it isn't so bad cause there are always wonderful instructors whom coloured my life, bringing me to different places with wonderful sights and natural observatory that are unbelievably extravagant.

For the record, was there once where you could see 360dg clear horizons from one end to another? The sky seemed bigger at this place cause there aren't any high sky scrapers or urbanized gigantic features that blocks this spectacular view.

This is one of the longest periods I have been away from my family and friends. Friends, I do the miss times when I seek relief and distress when I'm out with my friends. Doing even the dumbest things like throwing popcorns or spamming hair gel.

I used to find myself constantly in need of someone to talk to and share things with someone, to anyone that willing to give a minute just to listen.

But it have come to this extent that the need have subside, I gave up finding for that someone to listen. I just laze around and instead those thoughts wanting to be shared just vapourises. It came to a point where I actually recognised that " Hey! Living alone isn't so lonely after all!"

So here begins yet another challenge : Juggling of family.

In this profession, it requires us to travel abroad very often. 6 weeks had just been the starters of the full course meal to come. When it goes into full swing, it'll probably be 2 years of not seeing home. In the next subsequent 7 months, I'll probably be sent overseas yet again for another period of 9 month straight abroad for another series of training.

In that course, it requires us to focus thoroughly on our task at hand and, probably for some of us, stay away from home for a prolonged period. Let's not think too far for the time being, take it one step at time.

For now, my mum's already missing me badly. Time to head home and give her a big hug =).

2010-07-28T20:32:00.002+08:00

“Is he alone who has courage on his right hand and faith on his left hand?”

2010-07-27T19:17:00.002+08:00

CF-18 Crashed.

I saw this on the news about 3 days back.

The pilot survived it's an amazing feat that he was able to escape although engine shutdown during a manoeuvre at 10m above ground.

Food for thought

What if he decided not to pull, the ending will be totally different. Or even when the engines starts to rattle, he shut down both engines and commence a glide descend? Could the ending be better?

Read me.

2010-07-26T17:36:00.007+08:00

Finally, something apart from work!

My favourite animal from now on!! Wombat!

This little cute thing has extremely low metabolism, an average of 14 days for a complete digestion. On top of all, they can enter BANKAI mode and run up to 40km/h!

I'm coming home in about a week. Count me in for celebrations!

2010-07-24T17:45:00.002+08:00

I wanna go home!

2010-07-20T15:24:00.003+08:00

The point of no confidence.

Have you come to a point such that you are deemed to be the best, yet you think you are not up to it?

Here's my story. I've been cocking up so much for my past 2 flights that my instructors is beginning to think that I can't fly for nuts sake. Forgetting to conduct checks and busting flap limits, these grave mistake could have put me into a dangerous situation if I were in a real higher rated planes.

Hey alvin, yes it's only you, 1 person left in this thing. But that doesn't mean you have to be any less demoralised by it. Remember the times when you were young, those time when you were left alone by friends. When you stood up from your academics, trained yourself up for any type of athletics or even stand up to those cruelty you've experienced? Who were there for you? None, and it's likewise in this situation. You no need anyone to be here for you, it's history we are replaying now, not even family or friends.

Pull yourself together and be at your highest moral.

I believe in you. I believe in your ability cause I've lived with you so long, I understand how you work, how you think and how you are so easily affected by the very little minute details of how people around you behave. Stand alone for once, smile a little more.

Do your parents proud, do yourself a greater deed and for the sake of your future wife, you are always loved =). Go ahead and fly, cowboy.

I will always love you.

2010-07-17T05:20:00.002+08:00

DeArest diary

It has been quite an emotional week for many of us here at this town. Many friends around me will be departing back to sg soon and that leaves only the 3 of the lonely souls down here. It is unbearable when you see them put in so much effort yet unable to meet the mark. This system is too cruel to begin with. With a steep learning curve and stressful environment, we are expected to do almost the impossible. Now I know how precious my space is and all the more I should not let them down. Their effort spent here will not go to waste just like that. I'll show some results by the end of the day.

I should really drain all these negative energy away from me by the start of next week. It's down to the very last 5 and self-procrastination is not an option. Got to enter that cockpit with all the hype and joy I have left.

The confusion.
Earlier this Afternoon, I had doubts. Questions like what if I did succeed, will my life be as fruitful and promising as what the recruiters and people around me had recognised. There was this sudden conversation we had that actually made me reconsider my choice. But no more =). After hearing my instructor's lifetime stories, I know this is the perfect job made on earth, for me. It might not be as luxurious and comfortable as most deem it to be but it's a challenging adventure awaiting to be unfold. I must keep a constant vigilence from this point onwards, for if otherwise I am just toying with my own life. Keep learning and do the right thing =). Stay alive!

"The best thing in life is loneliness. Becasue it teaches you everything and when you loose it, you get everything."

oh yah. And don't be scared away if you see me chatting with your more often, I'll be needing more company in the subsequent weeks. Not like I'm showing gay tendency or anything. :P

2010-07-12T19:04:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's the day. =)

Nothing to loose, everything to give.

2010-07-08T18:21:00.003+08:00

Were there times when you had too much fun that you actually forgot where you were heading and what you had set out to do? In simple terms, it means that you forgot your objective or why you are at this stage of life?

The last 2 flying happened to be my worst flights. I was always behind my aircraft, doing the wrong things to remedy and maintain the accuracy of everything. In short, they are screw ups and careless mistakes could have made a world of difference. My coordination and thought process have to get better in the quickest possible time or I'll be chopped.

I lost my momentum, the ones I once had in the beginning. I lost my motivation, the drive that I really need for next Monday. Fortunately, what I have now is... TIME =).

So I'm spending this 'time' on this blog recounting my thoughts to why am I here in the first place.

For starters, I'm here for serious business. For a job I have ALWAYSSSS wanted, dream and do anything for. Yes, desperado's haunting me. I'm not here for the fun, for the weather, girls, for the beauty of flying, for the attention I get and definitely NOT for the money. So get down to earth and drive the damn thing to accuracy you idiot, unresponsive brains.

You are more than that and definitely better than just THAT. It's not a gift or a mandatory policy that I am here. It's a privilege given to me to prove myself. Best of all, I'm paid and sent overseas at such a luxurious environment to prove myself.

Come on Alvin. Meet the demands, earn your wages well. Live life to the fullest. Play hard and work even harder.

Tomorrow will be a better sortie. I promise.

2010-07-06T19:44:00.004+08:00

Hello world.

It's been quite a week and I'm still alive.

This beginning phase of flight is stressful and taxing, high expectations coupled with steep learning curves. It's cruel place where people are marked whether the meet the mark or if not .. chopped.

Close course mates around you get chopped, it really affects the momentum and mood of everything. Motivation crumbles when we've one less person to walk together with us.

Flying is really fun. Both visually and sensationally, more than just intriguing and excitement.

However, upon coming down the plane, the feeling is exactly the same as sitting through 3 consecutive maths paper - exhausted and thoughtless. A brain juices killing sensation.

I'm beginning to understand why

the cloud cries.

rainbow smiles in different colours.

wind twirls in excitement.

the reason why the birds sing.

and why god create earth in its best nature...

If it comes, it is fate and destine. But if it's not meant to be, then god always have better plans ahead. Put in my best and the lord will do the rest. Faith.

2010-06-29T18:06:00.000+08:00

Don't give up. Perservere. Press on.

2010-06-26T20:29:00.006+08:00

7 days passed and everything had been a paradise.

Be it the food, company, entertainment, rest, weather or even the hot girls, I'm living in heavens. Too good that I feel spoilt and keeps me wondering it's changing me for the worst.

There are clear view of the horizons, the mountain ranges from east to west.

We had beer cause every friday evening in australia is a beer happening moment.

Although it looked awkward for orientals to be in a western culture, but as time pass by, we fit in naturally. I made 15 new buddies who talk cork sing song together. Somehow, I feel that we each came from similar background and that's why we can connect to each another so easily. More to come in the following week and it's only going to get tougher. Keep my cool and do the right job =). Believe in the lord. Entrust to him my worries and fears, all will go smooth with the wind.

The other day we had this self-introduction sharing session at the bar and some of them mentioned that they were getting engaged soon. Engaged the age of 25? But isn't a bit too early? For 19 and 20 year old like me, I was caught off guard when this topic came up. It wasn't one person who was planning on an engagement, it was THREE. Best of all, they had their girlfriends since 5 to 6 years back. Doush, where do I stand man, I have no plan in mind at all. Laggi best, I don't give a damn. Haha.

It's so easy to get emo when you have a room to yourself, especially so when it's so silent and quiet. You start thinking about life, about the past and your mind wonders off to some funny moments you had in college. Let out a sweet smirk and stare at the ceiling wondering how's that person. I miss your smile, I miss those times I tried hiding from you and looking at you from a far. Having perfect eye sight gave me the ability to look at people from a distance before they actually noticed me, so it's kind of a habit to pretend not to be looking when I was close. Haha.

I'm turning back into a kid again, man what have this place done to me.

Anyway, those were things of the past, spilled milk that shan't be cried over. =).

If I fail, I'll be in time for college day and most likely see you. But that's not going to be the ideal case right? I should come back in my white knight suite to congradulate the princess. Blehh... Let's have you be my motivation once again. +). To see you again next time when I'm ready and good. Dress in shining white amour and a cool horse. Not college day, probably another time.

I'm in my own one-sided fantasy land.. la la la la la la~

I'm sure no one will read this since this blog is so dead alr.

They have beer syrup here! How cool can things be? Haha.

2010-06-22T19:51:00.005+08:00

I'm growing fat with every counting day cause life here is too comfortable. Weather is perfect for breeding a big, fat and white me. The food here contributes all the more to this constant progressive growth.

Things are getting rougher, stress levels are building, requirements are accumulating and self-confidence is trembling.

It’s naive but I’m starting to question if I’m able to perform at that level, questioning my personal attributes.

Keep my prayers alive and hope for a miracle. If it’s my calling, it will be answered.

I do not ask for a perfection neither do I want to be the only one who prevails, I would just ask God to be who I am and what I’m destined to do.

I need support. Mutual support from someone special, to give me that special motivation but in these single rooms we checked in, there are only these 4 walls and me.

So awesome and strange these four walls are actually teaching me independence. Stand on my own even in times like these.

A pretty cup of clouds seen on my way here.

I know some where on this land you are having fun. Whether you acknowledge it or not, can you fly with me? It feels better to have you around.

2010-06-18T21:25:00.003+08:00

It reads..

"Because I fly, I laughed more often than other man,

I look up and see more than they do,

I know how the clouds feel,

what is it like to have blues on my laps,

to look down on birds,

to feel a freedom in a thing called stick.

Who but I slice between God's billowed legs,

and feel them laugh and crash with his step?

Who else has seen the unclimbed peaks?

The rainbow's secret?

The real reason birds sing?

Because I fly, I am the happiest man on earth."

-By anonymous.

I'm wondering why I only see her in my dreams

2010-06-17T20:54:00.002+08:00

Feeling of wanting to be wanted.

Looking at pictures of others, with many friends and family surrounding them. I started to feel a little lonely. Girlfriends and boyfriends sending them off, I wonder why am I so lonely all by myself. I feel like loving and be loved at the same time..

I want to live for someone. Someone that I won't mind dying for and want to protect. A motivation for me to carry on thus forth and live beyond life just for that one person.

Damn feelings, stop haunting me please.

2010-06-12T11:39:00.004+08:00

So begins my first virgin clubbing experience.

Don't take it personal that I'm making a big fuss out of it but because all my friends have been asking me out to club and today was finally the first..

Set off my house and saw u.d.d.e.r.s. ice creams right at my doorstep! Newly opened! Finally, some competition for the ever crowned champ ice cream chef, which seemed to run out of toppings to go with. Icecream would be much more of my choice as compared to clubbing. Tempting but nope nothing's going to prevent my foot from landing on e club's door cause it's going to be my frist time.

While taking bus 12, i passed by boring shopping malls and lonely roads at 2 hours before midnight. Yet, when i finally arrived at clarke quay, everything is a happening down here. From the showcasing of live telecast world cup at pubs to the chatterboxes in the restaurant, cheers and jeers every where. Screamings coming from the buggy ride and also from this spoil spot suicide attempt drama that i witnessed while walking towards the club.
A lady (i wouldn't exactly classify her as 'lady' for what she had done) dashed onto the road in attempt to suicide while screaming at her boyfriend. It appears this lady was being ignored by his boyfriend but come on, you can't possibly commit suicide just to catch a boy's attention?! For every time that she hops on that damn road, she just cause a series of cars to jam brake. Why would you possibly go so far for a guy? Just give up and find a new one will do, ending my life just to catch his attention? Why don't try buy a lambo instead, he might even cry his gut out when he sees one. Nvm, the important thing is that no one got hurt in the end.

I hesitated at the entrace for a while looking at those drunk and old chicks. Yeah, they look hell uncool.

Blasting speakers, blinding lights, elusive smokes fills the entire dance floor. A big bottle of chivaz(1.5L?) awaits the 12 of us. I mean wth, i'd probably only touched 1 ounce of that giant before, they expect me to tar even 1 cup of that. The speakers are worst than supersonics of aircraft, going at high pitches and blasting wave after wave. Definitely the place if you like to fracture some bones. My ears are nearly deaf and i couldn't take long hours of this. So i'm here now typing this along the quiet and smooth singapore river =D.

The police came to raid the place and we were chased out for about an hour. Cool shit. Wonder CY's around but I didn't manage to catch a glimpse of the raiders.

After they left, the clubs is back up agagin. My eyes are permanently stained by short skirts and thick eye liners. Why don't they just wear basketball shorts and be simple looking, they'd probably look a lot more prettier. Guys must be out of their mind to appreciate such beauty. Speaking about my friends, they manage to get 3 'chicks' sitting with us on our table which is totally disgusting. But i must act as if they are welcomed if not they'll otherwised be 'scared' away. Gosh.

So much for the first time. I was really trying very hard to like it, but it's definitely not my cup of tea. Clubbing is like disneyland, they mingle with your senses through audible, sensational and visual means. Except that clubbing is a total mess while disneyland gives a sweet after taste =D. My analogy. Haha.

Prettiest scene of the night

Check out the reflections of river!

2010-06-10T19:36:00.003+08:00

A rocking life.

Flying off in a pretty short time and enjoying every moment of my national serving terms. 24/7 we are obliged to study this stack of notes where we have to drill and digest every single important procedure into actions which we are taking in the coming series of flights. Practically, no one will enforce rules that we study so it's up to our own self discipline to get those theories into our heads.

In these 2 weeks, I've got to know 18 wonderful souls. Each of whom has a funny and interesting character =). Most importantly, we are happening and lively people.

However, in this lively atmosphere that we live in, lies a formidable threat that cruelly chops people. Just today, 3 of us were being chopped because of negative backbone xray scan results. Imagine studying so hard for something so memory intensive yet getting chopped because of health related issue (not even a slight chance of getting it corrected) and there's nothing much you can really do about it. As all soldiers call it.. SUCK THUMB.

I won't be surprise if my phone ring one day and informed me that I'm chopped, since I've been playing intensive sports all my life. Pilots are born.. not trained. So if it's not my calling, it never will be. If it's my calling, then it will be. =)

To digress a bit, when I signed on those dotted lines, I realised that I will probably be bound to wear a uniform my entire life since I just extended my service term by 12 years.

This is not drawn by me! But it looks like the jet we are going to fly. =)

FAREWELL JEREMIAH!

2010-06-02T20:35:00.008+08:00

A fresh new adventure. Life. Experience.

So this is my life now. Upon getting out of bed at an early hour, every morning I will join the rush hour traffic to get to Tiong Bahru just to study this. Checks, radio calls, manoeuvres. After lunch, it'll once again be.. study study study and finally check out. Isn't this totally like college or university, less the girls that is. On top of theories, we'll have our practicals pretty soon next week where we get our hands on simulators.

Everything that is going around me now is like a dream. I woke up doubting that I actually got selected for this job, slap my cheeks and look myself wide in the eye asking myself.. "HOW DID YOU END UP HERE?" I swear I won't want to wake up from this dream.

Well, although it was hard to be qualified for the preliminary criteria, it's even tougher to pass the upcoming flight tests. Like out of 13.. only 1 will pass? Chances are not optimistic for now so I'll still hold on to the pessimistic perception while I mug hard for what's to come. Nonetheless, when an opportunity pops up, it's hard to leave it alone, so I might just as well make full use of this chance and give it da best shot.

They asked me. So.. why do you like flying? I said .. cause I love speed and manoeuvring in them. As simple as that =).

I've got the gift of pilot eyes, so must as well just put them to good use. As compared to sitting in front of the office desk writing account books like accountants or drawing blown up charts like engineers, this job will be much more meaningful and eye opening. I just can't see myself doing an office bound job for the rest of my life so this might just be the thing for me.

If it takes a boy to dream about planes, it'll take a man to live that dream =).

Impossible. I'm possible.

无论是生活上最艰难的苦恼或面对死亡, 珍惜生活上的每一分每一秒就足够了.

2010-05-28T22:04:00.003+08:00

The danger about living in the past..

Instinctively, probably out of emotions or general need for love, comfort or acknowledgement, we turned towards our past, recount and live within them.

Past love, past happenings, past happiness, past buddies, past decendants or things we had and lived with them in joyful moments for a period of time.

Unconsciously, those memories had became an avenue where we seek fulfilments or our own peace of mind. Being in these thoughts for too long impedes us of the joy we actually have around us, the present opportunities we missed because we have always lived in the past.

I have lived in the past for too long, be it love, accomplishments, results or close friends I've made, they have been circling in my head. I'm always missing happy times I had with the canoeist that I've been missing out the fun I'm having with my buddies around here. Always thinking about my primary crush that I'm missing out on better girls all around. Always indulging on my double gold that I don't get motivated to aim for anything more in life.

My present bunk buddy made me realise on this weakness of mine by being on himself. On the first day when we first introduced, we spent most of the time talking about his previous buddy. As much as I do not want to be affected by it, it just comes to me to try to be like his buddy-in replacement of the good buddy he once had.

It's dangerous to live in the past simply because it deprives of living in the present moment. I regret for all the things, friends or girls I've missed during these years. It's really shameful to have past them without noticing them..

About time to take another step forward and start on a whole new adventure once again =). Let's start fresh from now on diary. =)

My dad took this photo and I think it's awesome! Love the clouds above Singapore =).

We helped a tourist to search for the cookie factory at esplanade today =D.

2010-05-28T10:32:00.003+08:00

The uncle on the taxi.

With my 40kg worth of equipments and gears, I packed my bags and left the place I have been for the past 6 weeks. Halted a taxi and sat from one end of the island to another.

During this journey, I had a long conversation with the taxi uncle. He recognised that I was a cadet when I was dressed in my 'penguin' attire and gave a long conversation about his army days. He complained about his officers and we both talked about our experience. Over the conversation, I realised how important are officers supposed to be competent, keeping ourselves constantly on the ball. Failure of doing so, will cause men like him to suffer. These people are good men, man who supports their family and stay loyal to their kids and wife.

Although being much younger than he is and probably less experienced than him, he showed so much respect to me. He carried my baggage all the way to the lift and even gave me discount on the cab fare. I didn't know that this job holds so much responsibility until this moment when I see it with my own eyes..

I'm touched and more importantly reminded about how much my orders in the future affect the people under me. Their lives, their morale or even their families.

2010-05-22T19:08:00.004+08:00

It's about time I post again =).
Time flies and it's almost 4 months since I enlisted and this is the first time I got confined fined for my weekend. Being us, we must honour our weekends cause it's the most precious part of our training - rest and relax! So yup, it feels shitty having it taken away.
In order to kill time, I layed on my bed and started thinking about many logics in life and here I present to you about my thoughts. Lame, funny and somewhat humane or prudent.

How well do you know me?
Yeah, how well do you know me? How do you know you can work with me? How can I trust you?
If someone asked you these questions, what would be your instantaneous reaction? Your first reaction might be, I know your habits, character or simply saying.. yeah I know you well, well enough. Through our instincts we answer this questions by providing positive answers that comes to us about this person that's asking us this question. Today, I finally realized what does it meant by knowing a person, about how good you are with him/her.
As us being ourselves everyday, most of us have grave weaknesses since we are born and most of which are tough nuts to get rid of. The best way to understand a person would be understanding their weaknesses and protecting them from it. Having a buddy here made me realize this. So knowing his weakness, I must try to protect his back side.

Girls
You know when sometimes people say that you'll only treasure things once you've lost them? Girls or ladies, that's one important factor that is missing in all the botak head's life. Somehow, being deprive of being contact with the other gender makes a person yearn for more. I have never been so fond of talking to girls, back in school life the amount of talking I had was minimal and now it's like I'm making use of every opportunity I have to conversate to one. I want to learn more about them, talk to them and share with one about all my happenings. Feels good to be talking to one some how. Never had I been so fond about their company and it's kind of weird for this sudden burst of confound interest. Yes, I know I sound desperate and not to that extend which sickos are thinking of. I feel flirtatious for now and I think it's a good thing =D. My MJ friends say I'm a changed person and I totally agree man. What's why the alvin now? Damn right cool =).

What's for life?
First thing's first. I'm not exactly the kind of man who like money and fight for a living by earn mountains or billions of cash. Neither the kind who likes being a CEO or one who work extra hard for commissions or thicker pay slips. I don't wish to work in a profit organisation when I grow older. So my career choice is rather small with so few non-profit organisation in Singapore. I want to be part of the Humanitarian disaster aid relief and take part in operations that recover lives, save them and heal them. Yes, I'm not a doctor but I've got eyes of a pilot. This is my calling and I believe what comes easily are usually god sent. =)

I hit 8.30s for 2.4km. 8.15 is just 15 seconds away! I WANT TO HIT 8.15s!

2010-05-16T20:20:00.002+08:00

This blog's dead by the writer's living his life on.
Meaningful life! "Outstanding" experience! A fullfilling life prophercy that is lived by many lives simultaneously, the writer writes on each day on a paper back journal.

Part of growing up is making choices and living the consequences
You know there's always this 1% guard feeling that the choices you are making are wrong. The ironic thing in these choices made are that there are never such a answer as PERFECT choice. So I made this choice of not entering university first. To work and earn a steady income before going into further academic studies. Of course this is a risky move.. what if I couldn't find a good job that pays me well and wouldn't it be better to take a degree and be employed. I decided to take on this bond and only enter the uni at 25.

The fear i have now is that I'll get a girlfriend 5 years younger then. WOULDN'T THAT BE PHEADOPHILE? Just a childish food for thought . =D

2010-05-09T21:23:00.002+08:00

Those small funny moments.

There were these moments when my friends and seniors were my commanders. They were tasked to punish us for mistakes we have commited and these punishments are harsh and tough. So we smiled a little to one another when I was in pumping position. It's these little moments where I found meaningful and have a little bitter sweet sensation to it. Like both of you indirect sent messages to one another without others comprehending it.

2010-04-18T14:51:00.002+08:00

Nate robinson rocks big time this season!! =D

2010-04-17T16:57:00.007+08:00

BLOCK LEAVE!

You guys like numbers? 215/10. It means $215 in 10 days and they were all spent on wants rather than needs. No shopping done, just all entirely on food and play. Incredible isn't it? And I'm proud of it! Cause it's the first time I've earned my allowance and I'm able to flourished it on things I had craved for in camp. I spent it like a beggar who took his first step in a shopping mall. That's how it went *poof*.

Universal studios was a surprise! Having went to Japan and HK's disneyland and disneysea, I must say USS's 4D show was really an experience of a kind. Added humour and special effects, of course with usual water sprays and air shocks, they had rocking chairs! iRide? Lol. Cool Sia! Lining next up would be the mummy ride! Back blows and fast twirling sensation rocks! It gives you G force and soul out of your body kind of feeling.

Managed to catch up with many friends and got a little update of everyone. Random typings: Happy birthday Miang! Happy birthday XY da jie! Coach! BF2! Bonez! USS! Soccer x2. Basketballss!

From next week onwards, it's only going to get tougher. Since what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger, we'll all be tougher at the end of 9 months isn't it?

Come what may, I'll be waiting. See a different me in 9 months =).

I haven't received any news about uni posting! This is getting more and more scary, got a funny instinct that I won't get into a course of my choice..

Please please please pick me NUS business or NTU aerospace!

2010-04-17T16:02:00.006+08:00

I've got drive and motivation.

What motivated me for nationals? For A levels? For me to get to where I am today? Allow me to share with you a story about a boy.

Once upon a time, there was a smart and responsible boy. He has a brother whom is 2 years younger than he is and happy family that is always supporting him. Examinations are his forte. Almost every exams he took, puts him on the 100th percentile. Naturally, he was known to be the smartest person in his school and ranked to be one on his O levels. Few weeks after released of O levels, his dad passed away. Leaving him, his brother (who is still studying at secondary level) and a widow mum who is reluctant to get a job due to lack of qualifications. He knew he had to disrupt studies in order for his family to continue their way of living, they needed the money to pay for their monthly rent and utility bills.

At the age of 16, he took on 6 odd jobs in a day. Construction, Food and beverage, artist, driver, photographer.. you name it. All those jobs that welcomes youth, he had done them all. All just for that rice bowl he was fighting for. His teacher offered him scholarship to study at the highschool but it was insufficient for his brother and mum. He made a vow to his brother that they'll support this family together and the both of them will go to university in future. 365 days a year, everyday was a working day for him, none of the rest was a day off for short entertainments like movies or picnics. At the age of 18, 3 months before the annual A level examinations, he received a call from a friend asking if he could burrow his house to study and he welcomed him. He was enticed by his friend into taking the A levels as a private candidate.

For that 3 months, he was hardcore when it comes to studying after work. And in that 3 months, he managed to grab grades at the A levels, grating him a place in one of the top faculty. Eventually, he graduated with first class honours from NTU and got Masters in business administration.

Until today, this story still managed to touch me, despite having heard it numerous times. I asked him... "what motivated you?".

And he answered "Fear".

Food for thought =)

2010-04-12T09:58:00.004+08:00

My awesome mum.

It made me realize that behind every successful child lies a great mum who devoted her life into up bringing this child. A person's success isn't his success alone. It's his friend's, teacher's and indefinitely.. his parents. All of our characters and values are bound by the environment we are brought up in. If this environment changes, we follow suit. Living under this umbrella of peace and financial stability most of us lived in, we should return to the less fortunates. So that life is fair and everyone does not fall short when others abuses their privileges.

Imagine a newborn opening your eyes on the streets where you are left alone. How cruel and harsh life might be for your life thereafter. I feel fortunate to have a great mum who stays 24/7 at home taking care of our needs everyday. My life's perspective have just changed by a 180 degrees.

2010-04-10T12:02:00.000+08:00

"Part of growing up is making choices and living the consequences."

2010-04-08T21:48:00.000+08:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. "

Coach carter the movie.

2010-04-03T07:34:00.004+08:00

This choice.

If you had graduated on the same batch as me, I believe that most of you are cracking your head over your future path now. All of us are presented with an array of choices right in front of us and only one could be picked. With these choices came many questions of our responsibilities and our ability to cope with our civil life. These questions are things that are bothering me most for now.

Between money and passion.

It was a matter of being credited and how much a job is valued. Would I pursue after a job that I really wanted ever since I was a kid? Or one that can pay me really well to support my family and be both a responsible son and husband.

This 10 years of bond is not something I'll be confident of. I'm not ready to tie my life to a job for 10 years of my life but it's been my dream job ever since I was little. It is not something that is being highly paid for and a certain degree of risk is involved in the work process.

These burning questions

10 years of bond will mean that I might not be able to get married =X.
Will my parents be angry if I decided not to provide off-springs? (Crap)
Will my parents feel lonely when I'm constantly in the skies?
What will become of me if I only get my degree at the age of 29?
If I was injured in the course of my duty, who will be there to take care of my love ones?

I'll be more sure of my choice as time draws nearer to that interview and I want to be certain by then. For the purpose of protecting people, for the roles of humanitarian assistance and disaster relief and for my own interest in flying, this job is definitely for me.

Flying, I'm now ready for you. Let's just hope that the interview will go smooth.

Happy easter!

2010-03-25T20:50:00.003+08:00

HELLO! Thanks for supporting this dead blog! I have no idea why but there are still visitors from time to time. Like 15 to 25 clicks daily. I'm quite curious of what you guys actually interest you to keep a look out here. TAG PLS!

Hmm...

UPDATES!

If there's a story I could share that what I've been through these 6 weeks, it's a story that I'll be proud to go through. I made me appreciate life much much more, gives me what I would call the "freedom from the unnecessary". Realize that I could survive without many things such as mp3, drama, newspapers and soft drinks! Life simply carried on with just a paper and pen.

It made me appreciate standing, relatively to squatting and high kneeling for long hours.

Talking is so much better than shouting and screaming our voices out just to prevent being punished. Being able to have my meals for 30 mins is really a privilege compared to a cramped up 10 minutes. Last but not the least, walking is such a pleasure as compared to constantly marching and running from place to place.

A results

Well, frankly speaking I didn't expect that it will turn out this bad. All the subjects that are related to languages are straight 'D' while the technical and science related subjects are 'A'. This leaves me half hanging at my selection of courses. Neither could I enter a straight ace course nor those requiring an AAC grade. Damn. Reflecting back, I confirmed and reassured myself that I've been putting triple the effort into language subjects yet they turned out still to be like that. I could blame no one but my own inadequacy and incapability to achieve.

Maybe in this world there's something called limit. Something call talent and boundaries of a person. Maybe.

2010-02-28T16:53:00.005+08:00

HELLO BLOG!

There aren't really much for me to blog about now cause it's rather a routine down there. Life have been pretty much boring and I'm not expecting anything special for tomorrow.

Just decent results for my birthday will do.. hopefully. I bet dad doesn't even remember that tomorrow's my birthday. And I'm not planning to tell him. Funny isn't it? And I'm delightful that the "Da jie" gang gave me a surprise 2 weeks back. TY! =D

I can play this =D. But only the basic tabs. In time to come, I hope I can manage to play all of jay chou's song but his songs have difficulty man...

And i sang happy birthday to myself. For a 2 weeks beginner, that's some achievement ok!

Results are in 4 days! OMGgggggggggggggggggggg.

2010-02-20T08:22:00.004+08:00

It's kind of dumb whenever I tried to close this blog down yet I revived it again. Realized that I couldn't live a life without sharing it. At the same time, I have to be cautious from time to time to keep confidentiality. I prefer more privacy, yet I couldn't do without sharing with others. What clash of habits i have!

Protecting our place

It was said that we had to conserve our way of life and in order to do that, we have to protect ourselves from potential aggressors. Coincidentally, it's hard for me to find a purpose in serving. Had thought for a considerable time for something to protect.

Family? My home? My school? What's there to be protect that I'm willing to give up my life for it?

My family are in foreign land and that leaves me rotting here with the 2 years I'm bond to. I've got no girlfriend, I've got almost zero wealth and almost nothing worth in life. In short, I'm a loner, poor and dispensable. The most expensive possession which I own is probably a 5th gen iPod which a burglars would not bother putting into their collectionssss.

The only aim I had for these 2 years is to hit a record timing for 2.4. It's not going to be easy but my section mates will be rivaling against one another to vie for that aim. It's healthy competition =) and I've been waiting for these moments. 8.15 mins! It's realistic for me.

I'll be able to catch a purpose in time to come... I'm sure.

15 more days to the release of results and I'm getting worried.

2010-02-02T11:47:00.007+08:00

The last post.

Thank you for giving me such a wonderful 2 years. All of you, I very very grateful for everything. It have been really wonderful to be around you guys.