Not being able to sleep or eat are just the obvious basics.
Falling asleep and waking up are hell too.
Because you can't figure out how you and the person you love are to become strangers.
You can't even complain to other people.
Because they may badmouth her and him.
So, you cry alone.

It's ended, you've given up,
but only the memories of love come to mind.
But, the more you do that, the longer it takes to erase those memories.

So to a person who's been left,
365 days are spent in the process of breaking up.
But the thing that really hurts,
is the other person doesn't even seem to be thinking of you.

It feels like it's just you that can't let go.
That person seems to have forgotten all about you and is just happy.
All you want to do is die, but you can't die either.

Because you might never... see that person again.

And I keep asking myself..

Is it possible to make things better...

How can this be done without behaving this way?
Is there a less crude method?
How can we prevent everyone from arrowing one another?

It's not a solution that I can find, if not it would well be implemented.
Just continue living in such a harsh environment i guess, until my brain can come up with a good solution.

A vow before getting on the road.

In just a few short days, it will mark the start of an expedite journey. A path that many have failed and return to zero ground. If that were to happen to me eventually, I will take it with open arms and move on with life. Even if it is after 3 years.

It's okay even if I'm not walking the conventional path as all my other friends do. It is cool even when I'm only entering the university only at 25.

Here's my vow and resolutions to myself that marks my guiding star.
1. Never to look back again and regret on signing those papers.
2. Abstain from alcohol as much as possible
3. Remain smoking free
4. Entering the university no matter how reluctant I am after the few years.
5. I'm going to put in my 101% in getting my wings.
6. Don't worry about love, they can come later.

So much for self assurance =)

“All I need is my one star in the sky, to wish for you everyday.”

Do know that that a aircraft drags is what makes it so responsive? Transformation of aerofoils is the difference between travelling at supersonic speed and cruising speed?

Skin deep

My days had been hidden in this cloud of being surface.

Our conversation revolved around materialistic goods. Sunglasses,
cars, headphones, phones, bikes, party, alcohol, games and girls. All
baseless friendship and very surface conversation.
I was hidden in this cloud of materialistic place and I didn't realise
I was slowly absorb into that baseless world. Everyone chatting in
this place of emptiness, this room is extremely noisy but at the end
of today, tonight ended just like the start of today.

I realised all of these in a nick of a moment when she cried
yesterday, I forgot who I once was, I forgot what it means to be
myself, not to change for people around me and not to be afraid to
show this side of me.

Edging out.

When you know the world like I do, it's a shame.

Party, drink, smoke, arrowing tasks, pushing responsibilities and trampling on the powerless.
Life's not as simple as if I put in the effort, I'll be credited for what I do. It comes to a point of who's the smartest and who has the best ability to take shortcuts? Probably it's how I'm looking at things now or may be it's just the way people around me are behaving. I prefer to be simple, just a simple person and oblivion to negative comments or gossip sessions. You can keep all the money and privileges, this is not me when I'm doing those things. =/

HAPPY 2011!!
2010 is almost all about marching, respect, regimentation and of course the big D - discipline. Crap, I'm totally brainwashed. Anyhow, I'm constantly reminded that I've good friends around me who have been rooting me and also met many many new friends - many of similar backgrounds, interest and no doubt .. gender.


Finally, deary diary, we have entered the era of 2011. This year is going to be smashing cause its my coming of 21st. Yes, this is also the year I would be granted wings, finally after an extremely long wait. Resolution for this year would be doing good deeds. Use my heart to think much more than my head. Keep myself simple, out of drinking and smoking. Love myself more =).

The thing about working and growing up

You start making friends for the sake of needing to foster closer relationship in order to perform a certain task.

You accept gifts and treats knowing fairly well that they will be asking you for a favor, or needing help from you in the future.

Realizing that there are objectives behind every actions of those around you. Everything comes with a rationale and reasons.

You start to see the selfish side of everyone else.

I miss my childhood life.

what have i done to deserve this?

What have I done to be in such a bad light.
What have I done to deserve losing my soul supporter and dream girl to
a good friend.
What have I done to be called untrustworthy by a really close friend.
Why am I called a narcissist?
Why does he say I make my friend's blood boil?
Why does my closest friends say they are wasting time with me?
Why does he say that I am insensitive?
Why am I always celebrating victory alone?
What have I done to deserve dad being like that?
Why is everyone leaving?
When are friends when you need them most, or they are here only for
the good times?
Why am I accused of being selfish when I was trying to help?
Why am I so jealous of other families.

May be the kindest people always get bullied. May be the evil people
always get what they want. May be Liars always get the girls and
money. May be the truth was never desired. May be people rather lived
in denial.

All I ever wanted in life was to fly and make people's life better and
obviously I made them worst.

What's the point of my existence? To the world, what's the point of my
existence?

What have I done...

It's because you were a close friend that I became so open about it and I was just trying to help. I recognised probably I wasn't helping at all, not once was I positive in the team. From the very beginning till now. We probably was just a college team, nothing more than that...

"it's just that you were never very trustworthy

i only dont tell you things

because you are the absolute worse person to trust

great now go touch your heart and reflect upon that word "sarcasm"

if i ever trust you again, damn me i'll be a fool.

now for a fact, i know you are a narcissist.

ho ho then today is a day you achieve epiphany

because you have no idea what you've done

secondly you have absolutely no idea what kind of a person you are

you don't think before you act

and you cant even read people well

absolutely no emotional quotient whatsoever

dude, i don't think i'm going to waste any more of my time on you

i have better things to do

take care and i wish you the best of luck with your friends

you dont know how much you make their blood boil

well you made it worse with all your assumptions, it's a pity up till now you have no idea

for the record, you were a great friend

ask the canoeists, they'll give you your answer

nothing happened but it isn't the first time you've posted her name on facebook

in the past _ was more than enough

typing out her full name, seriously dude, last straw

you're too insensitive to even understand anything

what in the world

it wasnt the first time alvin quek

and dude you have no idea what i feel

seriously alvin, fuck you and stop being a pathetic piece of shit"

What's next?

You may think achieving a dream may well be rewarding, but when all
your dreams just falls into place in an instant, you are caught in a
dilemma of a virtual standstill asking yourself.. "What's next?".
I dated my dream girl, I got my ambition of becoming a pilot and a
course I wanted the uni. So here I am, asking myself.. What's next for
my life.

Staring at the stars gave me no answers and looking back gave
me no clue about my future ahead. I could only live each day as if
they were brand new.
I know I always want someone to spread love and lost my heart to, but
there's currently no avenue or if not WRONG avenue for me to find one,
this will go on for the next 5 years where I'm trapped in service.

Guess I'll have to cope it myself and learnt more to be independent.
Love can wait :), although I frequently longed to belonged to someone.
And I'll still continue to indulge in this "what's next" question so
if someone could enlighten me :).

and pushed us to our limits

Everything that have happened in these few months is Just A Dream.