Day 1 - Pre review day

Went for a series of interview.
And they told me not to fall into the trap of letting people think that im a unsafe pilot.
3 review im "awarded".
They told me not to give them any excuse to chop but also that they are severely having a overflow of manpower issue.

Chances are not high but i told myself... That I've been through 2 and a half years of gruesome drilling. How painful will 2 more short months of it be?

Take it in my stride and go. My fate will be made known earliest by next Monday.

First sortie tmr. Be safe.

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Distance or time couldnt seperate us.

Watch ""A Thousand Miles" - Vanessa Carlton (Alex Goot + Boyce Avenue Cover)" on YouTube

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Prayer

Oh lord. I do not wish or hope but I'll take whatever you entrust or give me. Whatever the out come will be, I know you chose my path for me.

It's not them or me, forgive them. They're just humans.

Lord. I'm confused. Like a lost sheep aimless and not knowing what is right from wrong.

Why are those devils climbing so high, getting so recognized, being so happy and enjoying themselves?

There were moments I asked myself.. "I'm single now, I've the privileged to". "Should I? Should I not?" When honey knocked on your door, who could resist it?

Happy moments had been missing since a long time. My last most joyful feeling was receiving my A level results and thereafter passing my series of flight selections. Ever since then, it's always about biting through things. Their "happiness" moments creates guilt in me, makes me feel uncomfortable the next day. Whether was it alcohol, massage or girls. I don't like it. I kept relating to my past and asked my brain... "Why couldn't it be like the sports? Why can't it be the fastest or best to get the trophy? Why must it be the one who can gel up to the crowned or polish his boots best gets it all? Organization interest is paramount and that's why we are all helm to please our direct superiors but if competition was put into this equation, it gets quite ugly and unhealthy. I want to be recognized for my flying skills, these pair of hands which are capable and the critical thinking I've got. Things that I don't earn... doesn't belonged to me. But this was often deemed as a dumb move by most, they always say.. "if it comes knocking on your door, just take it!"

There were times I swallowed and join in the game, for the sake of my pay grade, for my survival.in the next decade to come and for people's impression on me. Yet there were times I just have to close both my eyes and immerse in the culture cause this is where I belonged and have to prosper in the coming years. It's my life, my career, my future and the fortune that defines my future wife.. kids.. and parents.

The video depicts a story of this promising girl. Having the skills and powerful voice yet not recognised by the society cause of the red tape and the unforgiving nature of the society. I hope I could be like her, sticking to her principles until the day when the right avenue comes by. Just that opportunity don't wait for people, it's for us to grab and make the best out of it - if we want the most out of the best of what we've got.

These girls
They have smooth hands, a sweet smile and a young kindle heart.
Lord forgive them for they don't mean to behave in this way.
Poverty and environment had lead them to lead this shady life.
I asked myself, why do they deserved this?
It's a dignity that they have to live with their entire lives.
Everyone needs a purpose to be recognised,
but must this be bestowed on them?
Heal this world.

If everyone just be less selfish and share all the resources, people will not need to live such a low life.

I just wanna help these people discover that there are so much more to life.

Con-fi-dence

Creatures of emotions we are, bound to feelings and humanity.

Just that in a society, these things should be left aside cause this place is a competitive world.
In this method will the best talents be selected and the most appropriate people to be put up.

They told me, I have the substance ... just lacking the extra edge of confidence.

The con-fi-dence that will see me through my life and keep me alive as a pilot.

Don't grow up.

Ester asked "why people are sad?"

"That’s simple," says the old man.

"They are the prisoners of their personal history. Everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. They never ask if that plan is theirs or if it was created by another person. They accumulate experiences, memories, things, other people's ideas, and it is more than they can possibly cope with. And that is why they forget their dreams.”

― Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

Someday, things will be right for me.

I do not yearn, I do not hope or wait.

Cause happiness are always around the corner.

Peeking and observing me.

Though days are mundane and tough.

These days are just like a passing stranger.

Something we aren't concerned about yet had to pass by.

The destination will come one day.

One day, I'll meet you eventually.

Reflections

A voice told me "your not working smart enough". It was said on a single impression of me but it led to a long sequence of thoughts that follows.

How do you define confidence? Cause confidence is a basis to being smart, being able to outwit or overcome a certain issue. Tracing to the root of confidence, they are often closely linked to self esteem, the level of recognition a person is able to receive from people around him/her. Being able to relate to things around a person when he is describing an issue or utilising our "6th sense" to see, listen or feel.

Im a decent person but this world is complicated. Its no place for decent people to survive. Working this through plain and righteous way earns you a label as "not working smart". I kept reminding myself that this is part of growing up but it came as a surprise cause i was never taught these surviving values when i was a boy. Being a kid who is not close to his working dad. Its rather difficult to feel what dad had been going through all along..

Im feeling like you can only understand how i feel, oh diary... Im sorry to have been missing u out for quite a while. Will be seeing you more often! :). Guess its only you and me against the world. Haha.

Love u lots diary

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FLIR Gunports.

Say hi to papa =)

Ain't about right or wrong, winning or loosing.

If we were to compare, put down everything on the table and see things at an equal level, we'll never be able to rationale an equilibrium why some people get a little more, why other got a little less.

Life's unfair and it was made that way anyway. So to be happy, just close an eye to things we can't control and make silent prayer whenever we can. I believe in hard work, in good deeds and in goodwill of a person. If we pry for good things, eventually good overcomes will come around for us.

But for a young family, with a kid, an unrealistic partner and a pocket full of bills. With his only lifeline left... I could feel his shoes. But none of us could help him except treating him to meals, absorbing his transport cost or occasionally listen to his problems.

I'm asking myself how could I had done something to sulvage his situation or if I were in his exact situation, how could I had done better? I noticed how powerless and limited I am. When we are at our limits, we just got to face the music and live life with our commitments.

But on the other hand. I had a similar age friend, in the same exact situation.. newly wed to a lawyer, currently on a honeymoon trip and expecting a child. Both their prospectful career brought them stable life, good prospect to the family, couple and ultimately ... the child.

Choices are something we make and have to stick to. The missing link is probably to make a promising choice that puts us in good shape... that's the reality that fairytales don't teach us.

I just hope the world could have been more fair. Growing up makes me more and more disappointed at how the world functions...

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