The thing about working and growing up

You start making friends for the sake of needing to foster closer relationship in order to perform a certain task.

You accept gifts and treats knowing fairly well that they will be asking you for a favor, or needing help from you in the future.

Realizing that there are objectives behind every actions of those around you. Everything comes with a rationale and reasons.

You start to see the selfish side of everyone else.

I miss my childhood life.

what have i done to deserve this?

What have I done to be in such a bad light.
What have I done to deserve losing my soul supporter and dream girl to
a good friend.
What have I done to be called untrustworthy by a really close friend.
Why am I called a narcissist?
Why does he say I make my friend's blood boil?
Why does my closest friends say they are wasting time with me?
Why does he say that I am insensitive?
Why am I always celebrating victory alone?
What have I done to deserve dad being like that?
Why is everyone leaving?
When are friends when you need them most, or they are here only for
the good times?
Why am I accused of being selfish when I was trying to help?
Why am I so jealous of other families.

May be the kindest people always get bullied. May be the evil people
always get what they want. May be Liars always get the girls and
money. May be the truth was never desired. May be people rather lived
in denial.

All I ever wanted in life was to fly and make people's life better and
obviously I made them worst.

What's the point of my existence? To the world, what's the point of my
existence?

What have I done...

It's because you were a close friend that I became so open about it and I was just trying to help. I recognised probably I wasn't helping at all, not once was I positive in the team. From the very beginning till now. We probably was just a college team, nothing more than that...

"it's just that you were never very trustworthy

i only dont tell you things

because you are the absolute worse person to trust

great now go touch your heart and reflect upon that word "sarcasm"

if i ever trust you again, damn me i'll be a fool.

now for a fact, i know you are a narcissist.

ho ho then today is a day you achieve epiphany

because you have no idea what you've done

secondly you have absolutely no idea what kind of a person you are

you don't think before you act

and you cant even read people well

absolutely no emotional quotient whatsoever

dude, i don't think i'm going to waste any more of my time on you

i have better things to do

take care and i wish you the best of luck with your friends

you dont know how much you make their blood boil

well you made it worse with all your assumptions, it's a pity up till now you have no idea

for the record, you were a great friend

ask the canoeists, they'll give you your answer

nothing happened but it isn't the first time you've posted her name on facebook

in the past _ was more than enough

typing out her full name, seriously dude, last straw

you're too insensitive to even understand anything

what in the world

it wasnt the first time alvin quek

and dude you have no idea what i feel

seriously alvin, fuck you and stop being a pathetic piece of shit"

What's next?

You may think achieving a dream may well be rewarding, but when all
your dreams just falls into place in an instant, you are caught in a
dilemma of a virtual standstill asking yourself.. "What's next?".
I dated my dream girl, I got my ambition of becoming a pilot and a
course I wanted the uni. So here I am, asking myself.. What's next for
my life.

Staring at the stars gave me no answers and looking back gave
me no clue about my future ahead. I could only live each day as if
they were brand new.
I know I always want someone to spread love and lost my heart to, but
there's currently no avenue or if not WRONG avenue for me to find one,
this will go on for the next 5 years where I'm trapped in service.

Guess I'll have to cope it myself and learnt more to be independent.
Love can wait :), although I frequently longed to belonged to someone.
And I'll still continue to indulge in this "what's next" question so
if someone could enlighten me :).

and pushed us to our limits

Everything that have happened in these few months is Just A Dream.

What keeps me coming back here?

There are tiny moments in life when you just can't seem to comprehend how things happened the way they did. You feel lost and out of resentment, you go around searching aimlessly for a solution.

I rested my thoughts here for almost 7 years and it's time to move.

Cya!

http://letters4me.tumblr.com/

Crap.

Give me an alternative solution to understanding a person. I'm confused.

Although we start out with good intentions but it turns nasty if you weren't providing with the right amount, at the right moment and in the right style.

It's like us experiencing haze, it looks like it but it is never what it was. Couldn't see the far horizons but could only work on your current path, walking towards your destination.

Like catholic faith, where you never get to see god but only heard about them.

I really don't know you at all. I don't understand your actions, your hints or any of your thoughts.

Wind! Please clear my fog.

8 days of escape.


It was an abrupt decision when my Mum suddenly told me to pack up and head to Taiwan! Shortly after 2 days, I found my foot off the grounds again and take flight all the way to Taiwan. 8 days with my mummy was an outstanding achievement for me, cause for the past days, the longest consecutive days I've been home was only 2. So then, "finally we managed to catch up". That's how she put it, although I booked out everyday and still manage to send a smile each day.
To the women who loves me most in this whole wide world.

This will be probably be the only 8 days straight period that I'll be spending with you in a long while. The commitment in life is getting greater and so much I must aspire to survive successfully as an adult.

To my dearest mum, these may be the last 8 days we'll be able to spend together like that. The laughter, joy, jokes, gossip, food or shopping, I'll treasure them most.

I love you. I would want to give both dad and you the most in your elderly age, happy times and joyful moments. So I'm going to work my best for these 2 years, get my financial stability and I promise to visit this week once again. =).

Of a special friend

During my trip, i encountered this very special friend. 4 years ago, we met in Hong Kong during an exchange trip. She was my host and I was her guest. What made her such a special friend was because we had a surprising amount of things in common, eventhough we lived so far apart. Our growing up years seemed to be simingly taunted and broken in terms of our academics. She stayed back a year and so did I, bla bla bla..

That was when we started a series of letters, each made up of stories to motivate each another. Small though they may be but it made a difference in me. Although I can bleakly remember what was written in them. Haha.
We both loved outdoor, sports such as basketball, music such as hilllsongs, movies such as inception, interest such as backpacking around the world, ambitions such as helping the poverted in 3rd world countries or believes such as christianity. Practically, we shared the first half our lives encountering similiar things (close to similiar may be?)

"Distance actually doesnt mean anything, it's you that really matters".

When I entered the army, I always questioned myself about my love life. At nights, I lay on my bed thinking about my years ahead when I signed on. "When will I finally meet one?", "is it alright if I only have one girl in my entire life?". Especially when the exposure to girls i extremely limited in the force. Got a little desperate sometimes which made me a little flirty with girls. Frankly, all guys in service are some what like that too, but probably differs in degree of it. Girls! Grab your army guys, they'll willingly submit submissively. Haha.

She made me realise the importance of being myself and that love couldn't be rushed. Love should be pure and simple, made up of pure and unconditional affection for one another. Not those tactics on I how to get a girl interested in you that I've been learning from my coursemates.

She is a single up till now and not been to a single date, mainly because she's been actively engaged with her studies and helping at the NGOs. So why get attached to romance at such an age? To me, love is sometimes boring and such a drag. Live your life to the fullest now, meet more friends, climb the unclimbed peaks, break the world records and go all around the world to see the horizons. =). I'm more interested in that.

Love will drop by one day, god had everything well plan for. He has the perfect plan, one that is unexpectable and impossible to comprehend but one that will be perfect. Not the perfect woman, but the perfect girl just for me.

Be it having only 1 girlfriend or none in my entire life, I know god has his best plans lined up for me :).

Thank you fiona =).

Until our next meet up again!

"There is no such thing as an ex-fighter pilot.
Once a young man straps on a jet aircraft and climbs into the heavens to do battle,

it sears his psyche forever.

At some point he will hang up his flight suit - eventually they all do -

and in the autumn of his years his eyes may dim and he may be stooped with age.

But ask him about his life and his eyes flash and his back straightens and his hands demonstrate aerial maneuvers and every conversation begins with

"There I was at ... "

and he is young again as he remembers his glory days.

He remembers the days when he sky-danced through the heavens,

when he could press a button and summon the lightning and invoke the thunder,

the days when he was a prince of the earth and a lord of the heavens.

He remembers his glory days and he is young again."

From Boyd by Robert Coram

My Girl

An untold fairytale.

A forgiving mum.

One brave dad.

One sweet and understanding child.

To lose it all, in the blur of the start.
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing.
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising.
Just be true to who you are.

The colourings of life

Indeed, the ups and downs of life is within the hands of the beholder.


No matter how boring life could be, most of the time it's up to the individuals to make them more colourful and interesting.


More interestingly, motivation is a disease - a healthy disease that spread like a venom. And I was gladly down with this disease passed by someone who have so much passion in wakeboard.






3 weeks around this place and I found a cool new 2 close friends. Somehow, we shared the common interest and ambition made the nature our conversation smooth. Feels good when there is someone I could talk to about personal issues and talk about secrets, bitch freely when we need to =).


It really feels more comfortable when you don't have to contain all your feelings to yourself and could share it with someone who actually understands it =).






To burn these 2 months of free time I have, I decided to take part in the coming Rd Ubin. To find some goals in life along the way and to get ready for the physical requirement of my next phase. Hello macritchie =)










Some random photos taken recently. Haven't been taking lots of photos lately cause as we all know, we aren't allowed to have cameras in there! Haha.





To the most dedicated teacher






And the most dedicated instructor. Cool tao dude. =)


He's really handsome btw.






And the best friends I encountered.






Thank u lord for answering my prayer =).

greetings diary!

this page of my diary is lonely. being on this lonely journey have been painful. it's a bad thing when only 1 person passes.
I found myself lost and empty.
 lost of someone to talk to, empty of a companion whom walk the same path as me, who understands my situation and I could pour all my problems out to. 
I want to share with that someone how exciting my life have been and complain about all the stress I've been shouldering.

lord I pray for that person to come sooner. I really need him/her beside me, to share my joys and sorrows. I want to love and be loved.

lord, I just need a friend. someone I can closely relate to. a keen listener or a good social talker. to hear about his/her life and be heard at the same time. I'm not trying to be greedy, just one will do...

"♫ ~ I don't wanna waste my time again, by getting wasted with so-called friends.
Cause They don't know me, but they pretend to be part of my social scenery ~ .♫"

Awesome. I just managed to find the right song to relate to how I'm feeling now.

I hate myself for going clubbing sometimes. Cause it's just not myself when I'm in there, crazy music and alcohol forced down my throat.

Just because my immediate social circle likes it there, doesn't mean that I have to follow suit, isn't it? Yes, it's a kind of norm for those people to come to club and open bottle to celebrate something. But that's not my cup of tea in any case.

Friends aren't people who make you pay for a bottle and their entry fee tickets.

Friends aren't people who gets you drunk.

Friends aren't people who encourage you on things you dislike.

2nd and never again. Unless with the best friends =).

I'd rather choose to be myself.

From watch man. IT'S REALLY COOL!!

Doctor Manhattan:
Thermo-dynamic miracles... events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing.
And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter... Until your mother loves a man she has every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermo-dynamic miracle.

Laurie Juspeczyk:
But...if me, my birth, if that's a thermodynamic miracle... I mean, you could say that about anybody in the world!.

Dr. Manhattan:
Yes. Anybody in the world. ..But the world is so full of people, so crowded with these miracles that they become commonplace and we forget... I forget. We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from the another's vantage point. As if new, it may still take our breath away. Come...dry your eyes. For you are life, rarer than a quark and unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg; the clay in which the forces that shape all things leave their fingerprints most clearly.

Laurie Juspeczyk:
Is that what you are? The most powerful thing in the universe and you're just a puppet following a script?

Doctor Manhattan:
We're all puppets, Laurie. I'm just a puppet who can see the strings.

I came across this comment today which is damn basted but logical:

"It's so stupid to have bus lanes. Why must poor people get to places faster than me?"

HAHAHA

杜 U ♥ Me?

I'm here to make my stand. To tell the world that one shouldn't be waiting for something to happen, wait for something or someone you've waited all your life for and regret in the end. In chinese they call it "守株待兔" and it means to earn something just by waiting bluntly and not do anything about it.

Singaporeans are well taken care of, sometimes overly cared, for that 守株待兔 is a comfy norm. You have no idea, how unmotivated I am for the past few months. Life seems meaningless and everyday is just like a passing day with nothing fresh. I've been living in this dilemma of having no hope... no life... no companionship...

The thing about life is that: your life is how decide of it, it's the outcome of your own control. If you are happy about it, not only you but people around you will also be happy. Likewise for motivation or positivity. =). It doesn't matter if the job is slack or tough in nature, it can always be made fun through one way or another.

So came another new person into our office today and I'm so glad she came. Cause she brought all the positivity and motivation with her, somehow.. I finally see some light and start to do things with will power again. I'm going to study modelling, airmanship and my future planes now, make productive use of my 2 months here.

Running

Don't laugh but I look like a tortoise swabbing in a pond when I run now. Flabby and bouncy, no technique and form at all. Running feels awkward. Train up, buff up and get it back all over again. JIA YOU!!! =DD

I Give My First Love to You

Not a bad show to catch =).

Theme song:-

Life ain’t always easy everyday

It ain’t the end of the world

Have a drink with me and let's party tonight
Go down In history..

F**k. I'm in love with her.

It's written off when I was around 8 because it's a dangerous a/c that had numerous accidents. I'm so in love with her even since I was a child. Blackbird SR-71, that's one name i knew since I was a kid.

Dreams and me

Here's my claim : everything begins with a dream. Human ply for things by wanting, for the very same reason why we mankind dream.
We dream for simple things like love or the biggest things like wealth. When I was young, i always dreamt that toy figurine are able to manoeuvre and jump up to life. When i grew older, i dreamt about scoring ace in exams, winning national sports competition. And for today, i dreamt about soaring in the skies.
Dreams, they are powers not to be underestimated. Power beyond control and comprehension, powers that are able to turn imaginations into realities.

The wright bothers once dreamt that man kind are able to penetrate the skies and today we witnessed the galaxy with our own eyes. People are able to live on the dream of others and made it their own brand new dream. In this complexity, a more powerful double layered dream is formed. Coupled with inspirations of the makers of these dreams, today we have a craft called the 'spaceship'.

Those hallucinations or sudden flashes of great sensational feel are probably what binds me so closely to what i achieved. Probably that's my secret weapon i've always been using, the secret to most of my successes - to dream.

Don't stop dreaming folks! =)

6 weeks abroad have imposed a challenge of me being homesick.

So what's the experience for this whole time at Oz?

I definitely learnt how to live alone and to occupy myself whenever I'm lonely. For an entire week, I had to live with my only guy friend under one roof. No doubt it questions me if I'm turning gay but most of the time he is skyping with his mysterious girl, so I'm left alone for most of the time. Play ball, strike pool, gym and movie marathon alone. In a way, I'm forced to live my life myself but it isn't so bad cause there are always wonderful instructors whom coloured my life, bringing me to different places with wonderful sights and natural observatory that are unbelievably extravagant.

For the record, was there once where you could see 360dg clear horizons from one end to another? The sky seemed bigger at this place cause there aren't any high sky scrapers or urbanized gigantic features that blocks this spectacular view.

This is one of the longest periods I have been away from my family and friends. Friends, I do the miss times when I seek relief and distress when I'm out with my friends. Doing even the dumbest things like throwing popcorns or spamming hair gel.

I used to find myself constantly in need of someone to talk to and share things with someone, to anyone that willing to give a minute just to listen.

But it have come to this extent that the need have subside, I gave up finding for that someone to listen. I just laze around and instead those thoughts wanting to be shared just vapourises. It came to a point where I actually recognised that " Hey! Living alone isn't so lonely after all!"

So here begins yet another challenge : Juggling of family.

In this profession, it requires us to travel abroad very often. 6 weeks had just been the starters of the full course meal to come. When it goes into full swing, it'll probably be 2 years of not seeing home. In the next subsequent 7 months, I'll probably be sent overseas yet again for another period of 9 month straight abroad for another series of training.

In that course, it requires us to focus thoroughly on our task at hand and, probably for some of us, stay away from home for a prolonged period. Let's not think too far for the time being, take it one step at time.

For now, my mum's already missing me badly. Time to head home and give her a big hug =).

“Is he alone who has courage on his right hand and faith on his left hand?”

CF-18 Crashed.

I saw this on the news about 3 days back.

The pilot survived it's an amazing feat that he was able to escape although engine shutdown during a manoeuvre at 10m above ground.

Food for thought

What if he decided not to pull, the ending will be totally different. Or even when the engines starts to rattle, he shut down both engines and commence a glide descend? Could the ending be better?

Read me.

Finally, something apart from work!

My favourite animal from now on!! Wombat!

This little cute thing has extremely low metabolism, an average of 14 days for a complete digestion. On top of all, they can enter BANKAI mode and run up to 40km/h!

I'm coming home in about a week. Count me in for celebrations!

I wanna go home!

The point of no confidence.

Have you come to a point such that you are deemed to be the best, yet you think you are not up to it?

Here's my story. I've been cocking up so much for my past 2 flights that my instructors is beginning to think that I can't fly for nuts sake. Forgetting to conduct checks and busting flap limits, these grave mistake could have put me into a dangerous situation if I were in a real higher rated planes.

Hey alvin, yes it's only you, 1 person left in this thing. But that doesn't mean you have to be any less demoralised by it. Remember the times when you were young, those time when you were left alone by friends. When you stood up from your academics, trained yourself up for any type of athletics or even stand up to those cruelty you've experienced? Who were there for you? None, and it's likewise in this situation. You no need anyone to be here for you, it's history we are replaying now, not even family or friends.

Pull yourself together and be at your highest moral.

I believe in you. I believe in your ability cause I've lived with you so long, I understand how you work, how you think and how you are so easily affected by the very little minute details of how people around you behave. Stand alone for once, smile a little more.

Do your parents proud, do yourself a greater deed and for the sake of your future wife, you are always loved =). Go ahead and fly, cowboy.

I will always love you.

DeArest diary

It has been quite an emotional week for many of us here at this town. Many friends around me will be departing back to sg soon and that leaves only the 3 of the lonely souls down here. It is unbearable when you see them put in so much effort yet unable to meet the mark. This system is too cruel to begin with. With a steep learning curve and stressful environment, we are expected to do almost the impossible. Now I know how precious my space is and all the more I should not let them down. Their effort spent here will not go to waste just like that. I'll show some results by the end of the day.

I should really drain all these negative energy away from me by the start of next week. It's down to the very last 5 and self-procrastination is not an option. Got to enter that cockpit with all the hype and joy I have left.

The confusion.
Earlier this Afternoon, I had doubts. Questions like what if I did succeed, will my life be as fruitful and promising as what the recruiters and people around me had recognised. There was this sudden conversation we had that actually made me reconsider my choice. But no more =). After hearing my instructor's lifetime stories, I know this is the perfect job made on earth, for me. It might not be as luxurious and comfortable as most deem it to be but it's a challenging adventure awaiting to be unfold. I must keep a constant vigilence from this point onwards, for if otherwise I am just toying with my own life. Keep learning and do the right thing =). Stay alive!

"The best thing in life is loneliness. Becasue it teaches you everything and when you loose it, you get everything."

oh yah. And don't be scared away if you see me chatting with your more often, I'll be needing more company in the subsequent weeks. Not like I'm showing gay tendency or anything. :P

Tomorrow's the day. =)

Nothing to loose, everything to give.

Were there times when you had too much fun that you actually forgot where you were heading and what you had set out to do? In simple terms, it means that you forgot your objective or why you are at this stage of life?

The last 2 flying happened to be my worst flights. I was always behind my aircraft, doing the wrong things to remedy and maintain the accuracy of everything. In short, they are screw ups and careless mistakes could have made a world of difference. My coordination and thought process have to get better in the quickest possible time or I'll be chopped.

I lost my momentum, the ones I once had in the beginning. I lost my motivation, the drive that I really need for next Monday. Fortunately, what I have now is... TIME =).

So I'm spending this 'time' on this blog recounting my thoughts to why am I here in the first place.

For starters, I'm here for serious business. For a job I have ALWAYSSSS wanted, dream and do anything for. Yes, desperado's haunting me. I'm not here for the fun, for the weather, girls, for the beauty of flying, for the attention I get and definitely NOT for the money. So get down to earth and drive the damn thing to accuracy you idiot, unresponsive brains.

You are more than that and definitely better than just THAT. It's not a gift or a mandatory policy that I am here. It's a privilege given to me to prove myself. Best of all, I'm paid and sent overseas at such a luxurious environment to prove myself.

Come on Alvin. Meet the demands, earn your wages well. Live life to the fullest. Play hard and work even harder.

Tomorrow will be a better sortie. I promise.

Hello world.

It's been quite a week and I'm still alive.

This beginning phase of flight is stressful and taxing, high expectations coupled with steep learning curves. It's cruel place where people are marked whether the meet the mark or if not .. chopped.

Close course mates around you get chopped, it really affects the momentum and mood of everything. Motivation crumbles when we've one less person to walk together with us.

Flying is really fun. Both visually and sensationally, more than just intriguing and excitement.

However, upon coming down the plane, the feeling is exactly the same as sitting through 3 consecutive maths paper - exhausted and thoughtless. A brain juices killing sensation.

I'm beginning to understand why

the cloud cries.

rainbow smiles in different colours.

wind twirls in excitement.

the reason why the birds sing.

and why god create earth in its best nature...

If it comes, it is fate and destine. But if it's not meant to be, then god always have better plans ahead. Put in my best and the lord will do the rest. Faith.

Don't give up. Perservere. Press on.

7 days passed and everything had been a paradise.

Be it the food, company, entertainment, rest, weather or even the hot girls, I'm living in heavens. Too good that I feel spoilt and keeps me wondering it's changing me for the worst.

There are clear view of the horizons, the mountain ranges from east to west.

We had beer cause every friday evening in australia is a beer happening moment.

Although it looked awkward for orientals to be in a western culture, but as time pass by, we fit in naturally. I made 15 new buddies who talk cork sing song together. Somehow, I feel that we each came from similar background and that's why we can connect to each another so easily. More to come in the following week and it's only going to get tougher. Keep my cool and do the right job =). Believe in the lord. Entrust to him my worries and fears, all will go smooth with the wind.

The other day we had this self-introduction sharing session at the bar and some of them mentioned that they were getting engaged soon. Engaged the age of 25? But isn't a bit too early? For 19 and 20 year old like me, I was caught off guard when this topic came up. It wasn't one person who was planning on an engagement, it was THREE. Best of all, they had their girlfriends since 5 to 6 years back. Doush, where do I stand man, I have no plan in mind at all. Laggi best, I don't give a damn. Haha.

It's so easy to get emo when you have a room to yourself, especially so when it's so silent and quiet. You start thinking about life, about the past and your mind wonders off to some funny moments you had in college. Let out a sweet smirk and stare at the ceiling wondering how's that person. I miss your smile, I miss those times I tried hiding from you and looking at you from a far. Having perfect eye sight gave me the ability to look at people from a distance before they actually noticed me, so it's kind of a habit to pretend not to be looking when I was close. Haha.

I'm turning back into a kid again, man what have this place done to me.

Anyway, those were things of the past, spilled milk that shan't be cried over. =).

If I fail, I'll be in time for college day and most likely see you. But that's not going to be the ideal case right? I should come back in my white knight suite to congradulate the princess. Blehh... Let's have you be my motivation once again. +). To see you again next time when I'm ready and good. Dress in shining white amour and a cool horse. Not college day, probably another time.

I'm in my own one-sided fantasy land.. la la la la la la~

I'm sure no one will read this since this blog is so dead alr.

They have beer syrup here! How cool can things be? Haha.

I'm growing fat with every counting day cause life here is too comfortable. Weather is perfect for breeding a big, fat and white me. The food here contributes all the more to this constant progressive growth.

Things are getting rougher, stress levels are building, requirements are accumulating and self-confidence is trembling.

It’s naive but I’m starting to question if I’m able to perform at that level, questioning my personal attributes.

Keep my prayers alive and hope for a miracle. If it’s my calling, it will be answered.

I do not ask for a perfection neither do I want to be the only one who prevails, I would just ask God to be who I am and what I’m destined to do.

I need support. Mutual support from someone special, to give me that special motivation but in these single rooms we checked in, there are only these 4 walls and me.

So awesome and strange these four walls are actually teaching me independence. Stand on my own even in times like these.

A pretty cup of clouds seen on my way here.

I know some where on this land you are having fun. Whether you acknowledge it or not, can you fly with me? It feels better to have you around.

It reads..

"Because I fly, I laughed more often than other man,

I look up and see more than they do,

I know how the clouds feel,

what is it like to have blues on my laps,

to look down on birds,

to feel a freedom in a thing called stick.

Who but I slice between God's billowed legs,

and feel them laugh and crash with his step?

Who else has seen the unclimbed peaks?

The rainbow's secret?

The real reason birds sing?

Because I fly, I am the happiest man on earth."

-By anonymous.

I'm wondering why I only see her in my dreams

Feeling of wanting to be wanted.

Looking at pictures of others, with many friends and family surrounding them. I started to feel a little lonely. Girlfriends and boyfriends sending them off, I wonder why am I so lonely all by myself. I feel like loving and be loved at the same time..

I want to live for someone. Someone that I won't mind dying for and want to protect. A motivation for me to carry on thus forth and live beyond life just for that one person.

Damn feelings, stop haunting me please.

So begins my first virgin clubbing experience.

Don't take it personal that I'm making a big fuss out of it but because all my friends have been asking me out to club and today was finally the first..

Set off my house and saw u.d.d.e.r.s. ice creams right at my doorstep! Newly opened! Finally, some competition for the ever crowned champ ice cream chef, which seemed to run out of toppings to go with. Icecream would be much more of my choice as compared to clubbing. Tempting but nope nothing's going to prevent my foot from landing on e club's door cause it's going to be my frist time.

While taking bus 12, i passed by boring shopping malls and lonely roads at 2 hours before midnight. Yet, when i finally arrived at clarke quay, everything is a happening down here. From the showcasing of live telecast world cup at pubs to the chatterboxes in the restaurant, cheers and jeers every where. Screamings coming from the buggy ride and also from this spoil spot suicide attempt drama that i witnessed while walking towards the club.
A lady (i wouldn't exactly classify her as 'lady' for what she had done) dashed onto the road in attempt to suicide while screaming at her boyfriend. It appears this lady was being ignored by his boyfriend but come on, you can't possibly commit suicide just to catch a boy's attention?! For every time that she hops on that damn road, she just cause a series of cars to jam brake. Why would you possibly go so far for a guy? Just give up and find a new one will do, ending my life just to catch his attention? Why don't try buy a lambo instead, he might even cry his gut out when he sees one. Nvm, the important thing is that no one got hurt in the end.

I hesitated at the entrace for a while looking at those drunk and old chicks. Yeah, they look hell uncool.

Blasting speakers, blinding lights, elusive smokes fills the entire dance floor. A big bottle of chivaz(1.5L?) awaits the 12 of us. I mean wth, i'd probably only touched 1 ounce of that giant before, they expect me to tar even 1 cup of that. The speakers are worst than supersonics of aircraft, going at high pitches and blasting wave after wave. Definitely the place if you like to fracture some bones. My ears are nearly deaf and i couldn't take long hours of this. So i'm here now typing this along the quiet and smooth singapore river =D.

The police came to raid the place and we were chased out for about an hour. Cool shit. Wonder CY's around but I didn't manage to catch a glimpse of the raiders.

After they left, the clubs is back up agagin. My eyes are permanently stained by short skirts and thick eye liners. Why don't they just wear basketball shorts and be simple looking, they'd probably look a lot more prettier. Guys must be out of their mind to appreciate such beauty. Speaking about my friends, they manage to get 3 'chicks' sitting with us on our table which is totally disgusting. But i must act as if they are welcomed if not they'll otherwised be 'scared' away. Gosh.

So much for the first time. I was really trying very hard to like it, but it's definitely not my cup of tea. Clubbing is like disneyland, they mingle with your senses through audible, sensational and visual means. Except that clubbing is a total mess while disneyland gives a sweet after taste =D. My analogy. Haha.

Prettiest scene of the night

Check out the reflections of river!

A rocking life.

Flying off in a pretty short time and enjoying every moment of my national serving terms. 24/7 we are obliged to study this stack of notes where we have to drill and digest every single important procedure into actions which we are taking in the coming series of flights. Practically, no one will enforce rules that we study so it's up to our own self discipline to get those theories into our heads.

In these 2 weeks, I've got to know 18 wonderful souls. Each of whom has a funny and interesting character =). Most importantly, we are happening and lively people.

However, in this lively atmosphere that we live in, lies a formidable threat that cruelly chops people. Just today, 3 of us were being chopped because of negative backbone xray scan results. Imagine studying so hard for something so memory intensive yet getting chopped because of health related issue (not even a slight chance of getting it corrected) and there's nothing much you can really do about it. As all soldiers call it.. SUCK THUMB.

I won't be surprise if my phone ring one day and informed me that I'm chopped, since I've been playing intensive sports all my life. Pilots are born.. not trained. So if it's not my calling, it never will be. If it's my calling, then it will be. =)

To digress a bit, when I signed on those dotted lines, I realised that I will probably be bound to wear a uniform my entire life since I just extended my service term by 12 years.

This is not drawn by me! But it looks like the jet we are going to fly. =)

FAREWELL JEREMIAH!

A fresh new adventure. Life. Experience.

So this is my life now. Upon getting out of bed at an early hour, every morning I will join the rush hour traffic to get to Tiong Bahru just to study this. Checks, radio calls, manoeuvres. After lunch, it'll once again be.. study study study and finally check out. Isn't this totally like college or university, less the girls that is. On top of theories, we'll have our practicals pretty soon next week where we get our hands on simulators.

Everything that is going around me now is like a dream. I woke up doubting that I actually got selected for this job, slap my cheeks and look myself wide in the eye asking myself.. "HOW DID YOU END UP HERE?" I swear I won't want to wake up from this dream.

Well, although it was hard to be qualified for the preliminary criteria, it's even tougher to pass the upcoming flight tests. Like out of 13.. only 1 will pass? Chances are not optimistic for now so I'll still hold on to the pessimistic perception while I mug hard for what's to come. Nonetheless, when an opportunity pops up, it's hard to leave it alone, so I might just as well make full use of this chance and give it da best shot.

They asked me. So.. why do you like flying? I said .. cause I love speed and manoeuvring in them. As simple as that =).

I've got the gift of pilot eyes, so must as well just put them to good use. As compared to sitting in front of the office desk writing account books like accountants or drawing blown up charts like engineers, this job will be much more meaningful and eye opening. I just can't see myself doing an office bound job for the rest of my life so this might just be the thing for me.

If it takes a boy to dream about planes, it'll take a man to live that dream =).

Impossible. I'm possible.

无论是生活上最艰难的苦恼或面对死亡, 珍惜生活上的 每一分每一秒就足够了.

The danger about living in the past..

Instinctively, probably out of emotions or general need for love, comfort or acknowledgement, we turned towards our past, recount and live within them.

Past love, past happenings, past happiness, past buddies, past decendants or things we had and lived with them in joyful moments for a period of time.

Unconsciously, those memories had became an avenue where we seek fulfilments or our own peace of mind. Being in these thoughts for too long impedes us of the joy we actually have around us, the present opportunities we missed because we have always lived in the past.

I have lived in the past for too long, be it love, accomplishments, results or close friends I've made, they have been circling in my head. I'm always missing happy times I had with the canoeist that I've been missing out the fun I'm having with my buddies around here. Always thinking about my primary crush that I'm missing out on better girls all around. Always indulging on my double gold that I don't get motivated to aim for anything more in life.

My present bunk buddy made me realise on this weakness of mine by being on himself. On the first day when we first introduced, we spent most of the time talking about his previous buddy. As much as I do not want to be affected by it, it just comes to me to try to be like his buddy-in replacement of the good buddy he once had.

It's dangerous to live in the past simply because it deprives of living in the present moment. I regret for all the things, friends or girls I've missed during these years. It's really shameful to have past them without noticing them..

About time to take another step forward and start on a whole new adventure once again =). Let's start fresh from now on diary. =)

My dad took this photo and I think it's awesome! Love the clouds above Singapore =).

We helped a tourist to search for the cookie factory at esplanade today =D.

The uncle on the taxi.

With my 40kg worth of equipments and gears, I packed my bags and left the place I have been for the past 6 weeks. Halted a taxi and sat from one end of the island to another.

During this journey, I had a long conversation with the taxi uncle. He recognised that I was a cadet when I was dressed in my 'penguin' attire and gave a long conversation about his army days. He complained about his officers and we both talked about our experience. Over the conversation, I realised how important are officers supposed to be competent, keeping ourselves constantly on the ball. Failure of doing so, will cause men like him to suffer. These people are good men, man who supports their family and stay loyal to their kids and wife.

Although being much younger than he is and probably less experienced than him, he showed so much respect to me. He carried my baggage all the way to the lift and even gave me discount on the cab fare. I didn't know that this job holds so much responsibility until this moment when I see it with my own eyes..

I'm touched and more importantly reminded about how much my orders in the future affect the people under me. Their lives, their morale or even their families.

It's about time I post again =).
Time flies and it's almost 4 months since I enlisted and this is the first time I got confined fined for my weekend. Being us, we must honour our weekends cause it's the most precious part of our training - rest and relax! So yup, it feels shitty having it taken away.
In order to kill time, I layed on my bed and started thinking about many logics in life and here I present to you about my thoughts. Lame, funny and somewhat humane or prudent.

How well do you know me?
Yeah, how well do you know me? How do you know you can work with me? How can I trust you?
If someone asked you these questions, what would be your instantaneous reaction? Your first reaction might be, I know your habits, character or simply saying.. yeah I know you well, well enough. Through our instincts we answer this questions by providing positive answers that comes to us about this person that's asking us this question. Today, I finally realized what does it meant by knowing a person, about how good you are with him/her.
As us being ourselves everyday, most of us have grave weaknesses since we are born and most of which are tough nuts to get rid of. The best way to understand a person would be understanding their weaknesses and protecting them from it. Having a buddy here made me realize this. So knowing his weakness, I must try to protect his back side.

Girls
You know when sometimes people say that you'll only treasure things once you've lost them? Girls or ladies, that's one important factor that is missing in all the botak head's life. Somehow, being deprive of being contact with the other gender makes a person yearn for more. I have never been so fond of talking to girls, back in school life the amount of talking I had was minimal and now it's like I'm making use of every opportunity I have to conversate to one. I want to learn more about them, talk to them and share with one about all my happenings. Feels good to be talking to one some how. Never had I been so fond about their company and it's kind of weird for this sudden burst of confound interest. Yes, I know I sound desperate and not to that extend which sickos are thinking of. I feel flirtatious for now and I think it's a good thing =D. My MJ friends say I'm a changed person and I totally agree man. What's why the alvin now? Damn right cool =).

What's for life?
First thing's first. I'm not exactly the kind of man who like money and fight for a living by earn mountains or billions of cash. Neither the kind who likes being a CEO or one who work extra hard for commissions or thicker pay slips. I don't wish to work in a profit organisation when I grow older. So my career choice is rather small with so few non-profit organisation in Singapore. I want to be part of the Humanitarian disaster aid relief and take part in operations that recover lives, save them and heal them. Yes, I'm not a doctor but I've got eyes of a pilot. This is my calling and I believe what comes easily are usually god sent. =)

I hit 8.30s for 2.4km. 8.15 is just 15 seconds away! I WANT TO HIT 8.15s!

This blog's dead by the writer's living his life on.
Meaningful life! "Outstanding" experience! A fullfilling life prophercy that is lived by many lives simultaneously, the writer writes on each day on a paper back journal.

Part of growing up is making choices and living the consequences
You know there's always this 1% guard feeling that the choices you are making are wrong. The ironic thing in these choices made are that there are never such a answer as PERFECT choice. So I made this choice of not entering university first. To work and earn a steady income before going into further academic studies. Of course this is a risky move.. what if I couldn't find a good job that pays me well and wouldn't it be better to take a degree and be employed. I decided to take on this bond and only enter the uni at 25.

The fear i have now is that I'll get a girlfriend 5 years younger then. WOULDN'T THAT BE PHEADOPHILE? Just a childish food for thought . =D

Those small funny moments.

There were these moments when my friends and seniors were my commanders. They were tasked to punish us for mistakes we have commited and these punishments are harsh and tough. So we smiled a little to one another when I was in pumping position. It's these little moments where I found meaningful and have a little bitter sweet sensation to it. Like both of you indirect sent messages to one another without others comprehending it.

Nate robinson rocks big time this season!! =D

BLOCK LEAVE!

You guys like numbers? 215/10. It means $215 in 10 days and they were all spent on wants rather than needs. No shopping done, just all entirely on food and play. Incredible isn't it? And I'm proud of it! Cause it's the first time I've earned my allowance and I'm able to flourished it on things I had craved for in camp. I spent it like a beggar who took his first step in a shopping mall. That's how it went *poof*.

Universal studios was a surprise! Having went to Japan and HK's disneyland and disneysea, I must say USS's 4D show was really an experience of a kind. Added humour and special effects, of course with usual water sprays and air shocks, they had rocking chairs! iRide? Lol. Cool Sia! Lining next up would be the mummy ride! Back blows and fast twirling sensation rocks! It gives you G force and soul out of your body kind of feeling.

Managed to catch up with many friends and got a little update of everyone. Random typings: Happy birthday Miang! Happy birthday XY da jie! Coach! BF2! Bonez! USS! Soccer x2. Basketballss!

From next week onwards, it's only going to get tougher. Since what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger, we'll all be tougher at the end of 9 months isn't it?

Come what may, I'll be waiting. See a different me in 9 months =).

I haven't received any news about uni posting! This is getting more and more scary, got a funny instinct that I won't get into a course of my choice..

Please please please pick me NUS business or NTU aerospace!

I've got drive and motivation.

What motivated me for nationals? For A levels? For me to get to where I am today? Allow me to share with you a story about a boy.

Once upon a time, there was a smart and responsible boy. He has a brother whom is 2 years younger than he is and happy family that is always supporting him. Examinations are his forte. Almost every exams he took, puts him on the 100th percentile. Naturally, he was known to be the smartest person in his school and ranked to be one on his O levels. Few weeks after released of O levels, his dad passed away. Leaving him, his brother (who is still studying at secondary level) and a widow mum who is reluctant to get a job due to lack of qualifications. He knew he had to disrupt studies in order for his family to continue their way of living, they needed the money to pay for their monthly rent and utility bills.

At the age of 16, he took on 6 odd jobs in a day. Construction, Food and beverage, artist, driver, photographer.. you name it. All those jobs that welcomes youth, he had done them all. All just for that rice bowl he was fighting for. His teacher offered him scholarship to study at the highschool but it was insufficient for his brother and mum. He made a vow to his brother that they'll support this family together and the both of them will go to university in future. 365 days a year, everyday was a working day for him, none of the rest was a day off for short entertainments like movies or picnics. At the age of 18, 3 months before the annual A level examinations, he received a call from a friend asking if he could burrow his house to study and he welcomed him. He was enticed by his friend into taking the A levels as a private candidate.

For that 3 months, he was hardcore when it comes to studying after work. And in that 3 months, he managed to grab grades at the A levels, grating him a place in one of the top faculty. Eventually, he graduated with first class honours from NTU and got Masters in business administration.

Until today, this story still managed to touch me, despite having heard it numerous times. I asked him... "what motivated you?".

And he answered "Fear".

Food for thought =)

My awesome mum.

It made me realize that behind every successful child lies a great mum who devoted her life into up bringing this child. A person's success isn't his success alone. It's his friend's, teacher's and indefinitely.. his parents. All of our characters and values are bound by the environment we are brought up in. If this environment changes, we follow suit. Living under this umbrella of peace and financial stability most of us lived in, we should return to the less fortunates. So that life is fair and everyone does not fall short when others abuses their privileges.

Imagine a newborn opening your eyes on the streets where you are left alone. How cruel and harsh life might be for your life thereafter. I feel fortunate to have a great mum who stays 24/7 at home taking care of our needs everyday. My life's perspective have just changed by a 180 degrees.

"Part of growing up is making choices and living the consequences."

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. "

Coach carter the movie.

This choice.

If you had graduated on the same batch as me, I believe that most of you are cracking your head over your future path now. All of us are presented with an array of choices right in front of us and only one could be picked. With these choices came many questions of our responsibilities and our ability to cope with our civil life. These questions are things that are bothering me most for now.

Between money and passion.

It was a matter of being credited and how much a job is valued. Would I pursue after a job that I really wanted ever since I was a kid? Or one that can pay me really well to support my family and be both a responsible son and husband.

This 10 years of bond is not something I'll be confident of. I'm not ready to tie my life to a job for 10 years of my life but it's been my dream job ever since I was little. It is not something that is being highly paid for and a certain degree of risk is involved in the work process.

These burning questions

1. 10 years of bond will mean that I might not be able to get married =X.
2. Will my parents be angry if I decided not to provide off-springs? (Crap)
3. Will my parents feel lonely when I'm constantly in the skies?
4. What will become of me if I only get my degree at the age of 29?
5. If I was injured in the course of my duty, who will be there to take care of my love ones?

I'll be more sure of my choice as time draws nearer to that interview and I want to be certain by then. For the purpose of protecting people, for the roles of humanitarian assistance and disaster relief and for my own interest in flying, this job is definitely for me.

Flying, I'm now ready for you. Let's just hope that the interview will go smooth.

Happy easter!

HELLO! Thanks for supporting this dead blog! I have no idea why but there are still visitors from time to time. Like 15 to 25 clicks daily. I'm quite curious of what you guys actually interest you to keep a look out here. TAG PLS!

Hmm...

UPDATES!

If there's a story I could share that what I've been through these 6 weeks, it's a story that I'll be proud to go through. I made me appreciate life much much more, gives me what I would call the "freedom from the unnecessary". Realize that I could survive without many things such as mp3, drama, newspapers and soft drinks! Life simply carried on with just a paper and pen.

It made me appreciate standing, relatively to squatting and high kneeling for long hours.

Talking is so much better than shouting and screaming our voices out just to prevent being punished. Being able to have my meals for 30 mins is really a privilege compared to a cramped up 10 minutes. Last but not the least, walking is such a pleasure as compared to constantly marching and running from place to place.

A results

Well, frankly speaking I didn't expect that it will turn out this bad. All the subjects that are related to languages are straight 'D' while the technical and science related subjects are 'A'. This leaves me half hanging at my selection of courses. Neither could I enter a straight ace course nor those requiring an AAC grade. Damn. Reflecting back, I confirmed and reassured myself that I've been putting triple the effort into language subjects yet they turned out still to be like that. I could blame no one but my own inadequacy and incapability to achieve.

Maybe in this world there's something called limit. Something call talent and boundaries of a person. Maybe.

HELLO BLOG!

There aren't really much for me to blog about now cause it's rather a routine down there. Life have been pretty much boring and I'm not expecting anything special for tomorrow.

Just decent results for my birthday will do.. hopefully. I bet dad doesn't even remember that tomorrow's my birthday. And I'm not planning to tell him. Funny isn't it? And I'm delightful that the "Da jie" gang gave me a surprise 2 weeks back. TY! =D

I can play this =D. But only the basic tabs. In time to come, I hope I can manage to play all of jay chou's song but his songs have difficulty man...

And i sang happy birthday to myself. For a 2 weeks beginner, that's some achievement ok!

Results are in 4 days! OMGgggggggggggggggggggg.

It's kind of dumb whenever I tried to close this blog down yet I revived it again. Realized that I couldn't live a life without sharing it. At the same time, I have to be cautious from time to time to keep confidentiality. I prefer more privacy, yet I couldn't do without sharing with others. What clash of habits i have!

Protecting our place

It was said that we had to conserve our way of life and in order to do that, we have to protect ourselves from potential aggressors. Coincidentally, it's hard for me to find a purpose in serving. Had thought for a considerable time for something to protect.

Family? My home? My school? What's there to be protect that I'm willing to give up my life for it?

My family are in foreign land and that leaves me rotting here with the 2 years I'm bond to. I've got no girlfriend, I've got almost zero wealth and almost nothing worth in life. In short, I'm a loner, poor and dispensable. The most expensive possession which I own is probably a 5th gen iPod which a burglars would not bother putting into their collectionssss.

The only aim I had for these 2 years is to hit a record timing for 2.4. It's not going to be easy but my section mates will be rivaling against one another to vie for that aim. It's healthy competition =) and I've been waiting for these moments. 8.15 mins! It's realistic for me.

I'll be able to catch a purpose in time to come... I'm sure.

15 more days to the release of results and I'm getting worried.

The last post.

Thank you for giving me such a wonderful 2 years. All of you, I very very grateful for everything. It have been really wonderful to be around you guys.

Final of day of work is such a rewarding feeling. Since it was my final day of work, I completed a total of 15 reports in 10 hours. Definitely some record in that office. =). Satisfied with that result and believe it or not.. I offered myself to work for free on thursday evening since I heard that they will be rushing for reports on that day. I hope those aunties won't get any sickness for overworking, they've got so many kids to look after.

Sis will be heading to overseas for student attachment prog together with mum and that leaves me alone with dad on weekends. It makes me think about the horrible days ahead without having company. No one to share secrets with, no one to go out with for frequent weekend movies and no one to share ice cream with. Weekends of army will mostly be boring unless I met on buddies in it =). It's during these lonely times when guys in army feel like getting a girl but also getting ready for the girl to dump you - unless the girl is damn nice. In short, it's called walking in to our own graves, so in order not to get dump, it's best if I dump that idea. Farewell sis! You will be missed. A lot.

May be it's time to be a loner again. What's wrong with going to movies alone?

3 more days to saying good bye to freedom. But I'm looking forward to it!