THE REAL ME.

Hi world. Raising my hands up, put the other on my chest. Shouting out to the world who has a heart to hear me and admit to the world... that I’ve not been myself.

Finding a meaning or a reason in what we are doing. Circumstances brought us to where we are, will filtered us to what we wish we were, and in the end reality is most likely what we end up with. Finding a reason to live with reality… will take a little more time and self adjustment?

Guess we must somehow always try to find ourselves in what we do, even when our destiny are something that we didn’t wished for, or otherwise, we should try to see the truth or the meaning in it?

So we could feel our actions from the bottom of our hearts and not to fall into a trap of our own to live day by day..  Subconsciously.

What had happened to me this one year of being away from home?

I want to admit that I’ve done wrong.  Realize that I’ve not been putting down my transparent human shield, this shield that I’ve held on for a year without family. Living in a work environment for so long, I seemed to forget what it feels like to be… home. What happened to the previous Alvin who is kind, genuine, careful to details and who always thought of others more than himself? Circumstances have put me in a place where 

I’ve to think for myself to survive. Learn how to put down this big shield, this wall that have been preventing others from loving you, hurting people who cares for you.. Be humble and tender towards people who really loves you. Yes they still exist =), definitely. Open up your heart to these people and love them with tenderness, let your hearts interlink. Learn to trust again. Believe in goodwill. In that moment that felt like forever.

Don’t hide, cause it makes it harder for people to find you. Don’t hide for people love you. Don’t hide cause all you ever really wanted was to be found.

Be yourself. Be you. Love yourself more Alvin.

Take care my diary.

That pink sunsilk scent..

*snap*

I'm going to press pause at this point in time and enjoy this little moment I have at this very moment in time. Write a note to commemorate what I've been going through all along.

All my friends are out there enjoying their uni life, fun they have... eating, drinking, socialising, companions, sporting activities. While here I am day by day, preparing for flights, reading up on knowledge, aircraft systems, weather.. Preparing on restrictions. Drawing a trainee payslip and seeing the same old faces for the past 2 years.

Days here only gets tougher, from the time we step in till they time we put our heads on the pillow, its non-stop survival instincts, non-stop taking in of knowledge, non-stop management of problems. Time management and task prioritisation is part of our bread and butter.

Many people envy us for what we do, but many of our kind are sourcing for ideas to find an escape route.

Let alone all the stress, unhappiness in here, I'm just glad I have a good and stable job. Let away the politics, competitiveness, hectic schedules and high level of time commitment, my eyes have actually one of the best views on earth. The ticket to be forever a little kid, fly boy they called it. Seeing cars as if they are toy cars, birds as if we are dancing together, clouds which manipulated with us, the ever changing details of civilisation. How over time colours of trees changed, how the seasons changed with wind, how the power of being flexible and versatile is such a beauty.

This moment in time where I had a good grade for my check flights, leading my course, had a comfortable personal time cause of my horse, have a really pretty girl, sufficient sleep and not having anymore maggie for lunch.

I'd just like to thank god for the tough times, that made it so sweet to live these days I have now. How lonely and dividing it have been from a normal person's life. Thanks for injecting interesting things every now and then to make it exciting :).

Feelings

Truth for Feelings.
Compromising for Truth.
Time for Compromise.
Will for Time.
Speaking to your heart comes Will.
But when we stopped speaking to our hearts..

That's probably when we have came to our last page.



Smile and move one please.

Thank You

Thank you for those times.
Those unforgettable encounters, the company we have shared.
Thank you for leaving a sweet chapter in this part of my life.
Thank you for the unending joy.

May be it'd be better to let it go, for it to glow in happiness.

 

Regards,

After so many years

It'll still be the same =)