When we grow up

Daddy I start to discover so many hardships you had endured.
I was so naive and demanded so many things when I was young.
The tiny toys that you bought for me, I treasured them more than I had before.
I saw the blood you shed trying to defend our home.
The stress you'd endured to see us grow up... healthy.
The discontentment you had to see from your boss.
The stolen attention from your wife cause most of the time she's spending it with her kiddos.
The times you had to spend overseas... alone.

Mummy..
I started to appreciate your cooking... washing...and the will you had to make a good home for us,
Realized the importance of having a home maker,
A watcher and guardian for the children,
The cloths you had washed for us, from small little tiny shirts to my flight suit today.
Not forgetting the toilets you had endured to wash =D.
The kisses you've gave me to ensure that I'm well loved.
The non-stop hits of nagging to ensure my values are well groomed.

To this day, I just want to apologise for my inconsolable acts when I was a child.
The sleepless nights I put you guys through when I screamed for my milk bottle every hour.
The stubborn me who ran away from home countless times.
The ill discipline me who did not managed basic academics.
The active little boy who always irritates his parents cause he wanted to go out and play sports.

Each time I looked at things around me... I felt the pressure to perform.
Just hope I could match up to the level that both of you had performed so well cause within me...
I still have this under confidence that I couldn't.

Merry Xmas Granny =).

A friend in need is a friend indeed

I lost a very good childhood friend in the last few months.
Probably due to my insensitivity,
Due to my ignorance,
Due to my impatience,
Due to my pride then...
But now that i think of it,
It would have been better if i swallowed my pride
And accept whatever was in front of me then...
Stand by that person...
Things would turned out a little different than today.
I'm just feeling very lousy losing a really important friend like you..
I pray that you are well and will be successful at yr chosen path.
I know you wont be visiting here but if you do..
Just want you to know that you have been a really valuable friend,
a sincere and earnest friend that guided me till this very day.
All these years, I haven't had the chance to thank you
for being my motivation and spiritual support.
Even when I had... I missed it out.

Guess u didnt want to remain contactable..
But if one day you need support,
I'll be willing to return the support :).

Always.

Love is a strange and beautiful thing,
It spans time and space, distance is no object to love.
You will wait forever for the one you love,
Travel wherever you need to be with them.
When you are in the arms of the one you love,
That love can make a moment last a lifetime,
Yet make a lifetime seem no more than a moment.
When love is distant it grows strong,
When it returns it flowers.
People crave it, strive for it, fight for it, and die for it,
And when they find it, they know they are complete.
For in the arms of the one we love is wholeness,
Belief, completeness, passion, and security.
The one we love is someone for whom we would do anything,
And never ask for anything in return.
It produces a love of all that person is and will ever be,
Regardless of what that may mean to me.
Love knows that when you are away,
That you are still loved, cherished, thought after, and missed
By the one you love,
And they know that you love them back.
That is Love.

 - Nicolas Blackmore -

Chips

Casinos can actually teach life long lessons.

Being in the professional world or the upper class living is like a casino game.
You only have that amount of chips to play with.
Some use it for kindness, some use it to buy food.
Most of them chose to play their hands to make the sum grow.
When you are piled with many chips, everyone welcomes you at their table.
When you run out of chips, no one would really care about you, even your transport back home would be a problem.

In each of our lives, we only have one handful of chips. Use them wisely.

Be careful of the words we speak, the body language we show and the impressions we give to others. It counts =].

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Rejuvenation

They told me directly, my chances are slim.

 D-day in 4 days and it's a fate I have to face.

Success comes with hardwork and stress, I've put in almost my last glass of motivation, fight the odds until the finishing line, put a smiled at the mistakes I've made and cried while I remained smiling at my instructors. This life I have is only one shot. 22 years old. I've wasted a year at school and now probably another year at the force. Feel so shameful. Never getting things right and successful.

If next Monday/Tuesday I don't make it. I just want to tell the world that I've tried my best and there are things that I just can't overcome. The environment didn't wanted me and wasn't in my favour. Coming so far... I just wanna thank you all for those whom have supported me all the way thus far until this date.
Really sorry for disappointing you guys. For my initial selection group, I'm sincerely sorry that none of us managed to pass out as a full fledged Pilot. For my parents, sorry for making you guys missed me so much as most of the times I'm away. For my friends, I'm sorry that you can't see your brother getting his wings.

It's time for me to head out there and find a future that really belongs to me. Applied for a few scholarship and hopefully they get through in time.

Lord, I'll follow the footstep that you pathed for me. I've no greed but give me wisdom and will to carry on the duty you entrusted to me.

Day 1 - Pre review day

Went for a series of interview.
And they told me not to fall into the trap of letting people think that im a unsafe pilot.
3 review im "awarded".
They told me not to give them any excuse to chop but also that they are severely having a overflow of manpower issue.

Chances are not high but i told myself... That I've been through 2 and a half years of gruesome drilling. How painful will 2 more short months of it be?

Take it in my stride and go. My fate will be made known earliest by next Monday.

First sortie tmr. Be safe.

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Distance or time couldnt seperate us.

Watch ""A Thousand Miles" - Vanessa Carlton (Alex Goot + Boyce Avenue Cover)" on YouTube

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Prayer

Oh lord. I do not wish or hope but I'll take whatever you entrust or give me. Whatever the out come will be, I know you chose my path for me.

It's not them or me, forgive them. They're just humans.

Lord. I'm confused. Like a lost sheep aimless and not knowing what is right from wrong.

Why are those devils climbing so high, getting so recognized, being so happy and enjoying themselves?

There were moments I asked myself.. "I'm single now, I've the privileged to". "Should I? Should I not?" When honey knocked on your door, who could resist it?

Happy moments had been missing since a long time. My last most joyful feeling was receiving my A level results and thereafter passing my series of flight selections. Ever since then, it's always about biting through things. Their "happiness" moments creates guilt in me, makes me feel uncomfortable the next day. Whether was it alcohol, massage or girls. I don't like it. I kept relating to my past and asked my brain... "Why couldn't it be like the sports? Why can't it be the fastest or best to get the trophy? Why must it be the one who can gel up to the crowned or polish his boots best gets it all? Organization interest is paramount and that's why we are all helm to please our direct superiors but if competition was put into this equation, it gets quite ugly and unhealthy. I want to be recognized for my flying skills, these pair of hands which are capable and the critical thinking I've got. Things that I don't earn... doesn't belonged to me. But this was often deemed as a dumb move by most, they always say.. "if it comes knocking on your door, just take it!"

There were times I swallowed and join in the game, for the sake of my pay grade, for my survival.in the next decade to come and for people's impression on me. Yet there were times I just have to close both my eyes and immerse in the culture cause this is where I belonged and have to prosper in the coming years. It's my life, my career, my future and the fortune that defines my future wife.. kids.. and parents.

The video depicts a story of this promising girl. Having the skills and powerful voice yet not recognised by the society cause of the red tape and the unforgiving nature of the society. I hope I could be like her, sticking to her principles until the day when the right avenue comes by. Just that opportunity don't wait for people, it's for us to grab and make the best out of it - if we want the most out of the best of what we've got.

These girls
They have smooth hands, a sweet smile and a young kindle heart.
Lord forgive them for they don't mean to behave in this way.
Poverty and environment had lead them to lead this shady life.
I asked myself, why do they deserved this?
It's a dignity that they have to live with their entire lives.
Everyone needs a purpose to be recognised,
but must this be bestowed on them?
Heal this world.

If everyone just be less selfish and share all the resources, people will not need to live such a low life.

I just wanna help these people discover that there are so much more to life.

Con-fi-dence

Creatures of emotions we are, bound to feelings and humanity.

Just that in a society, these things should be left aside cause this place is a competitive world.
In this method will the best talents be selected and the most appropriate people to be put up.

They told me, I have the substance ... just lacking the extra edge of confidence.

The con-fi-dence that will see me through my life and keep me alive as a pilot.

Don't grow up.

Ester asked "why people are sad?"

"That’s simple," says the old man.

"They are the prisoners of their personal history. Everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. They never ask if that plan is theirs or if it was created by another person. They accumulate experiences, memories, things, other people's ideas, and it is more than they can possibly cope with. And that is why they forget their dreams.”

― Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

Someday, things will be right for me.

I do not yearn, I do not hope or wait.

Cause happiness are always around the corner.

Peeking and observing me.

Though days are mundane and tough.

These days are just like a passing stranger.

Something we aren't concerned about yet had to pass by.

The destination will come one day.

One day, I'll meet you eventually.

Reflections

A voice told me "your not working smart enough". It was said on a single impression of me but it led to a long sequence of thoughts that follows.

How do you define confidence? Cause confidence is a basis to being smart, being able to outwit or overcome a certain issue. Tracing to the root of confidence, they are often closely linked to self esteem, the level of recognition a person is able to receive from people around him/her. Being able to relate to things around a person when he is describing an issue or utilising our "6th sense" to see, listen or feel.

Im a decent person but this world is complicated. Its no place for decent people to survive. Working this through plain and righteous way earns you a label as "not working smart". I kept reminding myself that this is part of growing up but it came as a surprise cause i was never taught these surviving values when i was a boy. Being a kid who is not close to his working dad. Its rather difficult to feel what dad had been going through all along..

Im feeling like you can only understand how i feel, oh diary... Im sorry to have been missing u out for quite a while. Will be seeing you more often! :). Guess its only you and me against the world. Haha.

Love u lots diary

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FLIR Gunports.

Say hi to papa =)

Ain't about right or wrong, winning or loosing.

If we were to compare, put down everything on the table and see things at an equal level, we'll never be able to rationale an equilibrium why some people get a little more, why other got a little less.

Life's unfair and it was made that way anyway. So to be happy, just close an eye to things we can't control and make silent prayer whenever we can. I believe in hard work, in good deeds and in goodwill of a person. If we pry for good things, eventually good overcomes will come around for us.

But for a young family, with a kid, an unrealistic partner and a pocket full of bills. With his only lifeline left... I could feel his shoes. But none of us could help him except treating him to meals, absorbing his transport cost or occasionally listen to his problems.

I'm asking myself how could I had done something to sulvage his situation or if I were in his exact situation, how could I had done better? I noticed how powerless and limited I am. When we are at our limits, we just got to face the music and live life with our commitments.

But on the other hand. I had a similar age friend, in the same exact situation.. newly wed to a lawyer, currently on a honeymoon trip and expecting a child. Both their prospectful career brought them stable life, good prospect to the family, couple and ultimately ... the child.

Choices are something we make and have to stick to. The missing link is probably to make a promising choice that puts us in good shape... that's the reality that fairytales don't teach us.

I just hope the world could have been more fair. Growing up makes me more and more disappointed at how the world functions...

posted from Bloggeroid

I miss secondary school. Haha.

To do something good.

Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of. You know whatever you do, they'll still be there

Sometimes happiness are meant to be set free and not be kept.
May be it was meant to be kept that way..

True friends

True friends are those who have been through hardships together, when we all working together to achieve something we all wanted. Who stayed cause they believe in you. Whether was it good grades, a good future, a simple dream or the same girl... It was a journey we got to know one another deeper and better.

People who have lived with you during your toughest times just ain't the same than those that were here for a good drink or time.

These friends and families I'll treasure.

Not those that left you alone when you are drowning..

T - True?
H - Helpful?
I - Inpsiring?
N - Necessary?
K- Kindness?

It makes me a better man at the end of all these. A guy with more patience, capable of taking more stress. I'll be better and stronger.

 

Made my day.

God has his plans, maybe I just don't see it at this point in time. Keep believing Alvin, don't stay lost for too long.

posted from Bloggeroid

Never forget buddies who were there for you during the toughest times.

posted from Bloggeroid

Oh cry baby.

Crying helps us get rid of this feeling of demoralization or whenever we felt lousy. I am a man, in traditions.. we shouldn't be crying cause we have to shoulder many things in life. Put on a strong defense regardless of any rock threw at us. But I wasn't brought up this way, I was taught that all man have weaknesses and we should recognized and admit these weaknesses so we can do better.

But now and then again.. I break down. Not something I can control.. In front of the crowd, strong I stood. Presentations I carried on, tasks I carried out and responsibility I will never neglect. In my corner, I'll show my emotions. To no one shall they be heard or known. It's a lonely journey, no one can understand. Irony is that people around us who actually understands.. are our competitors.

I need a strong purpose in life. Something I'm willing to die for... again. It's really embarrassing to be spotted.. crying.

I accepted the fact that probably life's going to be like that for the next few years until University. Now I just have to face this alone.

Study hard and harder Alvin. Don't give up. Your end will taste better with now being so bitter.

I don't want to cry anymore. I want to do things right.. The very first time.

This new inspiration and vibe I get from you...

Its one if the few common times after stepping down from a _, knowing that you did a bad _ cause something in yourself wasn't really right. Had a long debrief and spoke to a really wise instructor. One that I'm truly admirable of.

He explained to me that he could observe that I was shaken by certain things that happened in my life recently until one part he was angry and said... "can you fly like a champion athlete?!?"

He went on and said about random things without me explaining anything personal. He told me.. it takes a lot for a woman appreciate and love us for what we do here. It takes a woman with wisdom, with calibre and one that is willing to go through hardship with you. It wasn't that sharing of ice cream that created your bonds or bringing her to movies that created the strong relationship between the both of you, but the hard truth both of your went through that really bond. Cause in future the both of you will certainly be put to the test and many of them failed in the end, its the truth that can't be hidden in this high commitment workplace.

He continued to say .. after you chose that girl.. you will love her forever, protect and standby her regardless of anything. Even when ends meet, divorce isn't an option cause we are not people who 逃避现实. When we crash, we go down with our _, there's no such thing as a parachute, we are not given second chances. Marriage is not a game, its a commitment; more valuable than commitment.

He introduced me to golf and advised me to pick it up cause there are intangible valuable life lessons we can learn from this sport itself. The concentration and discipline routine is what is required of us in what we practise and do. To make sure we do then right thing cause we each only have one shot in what we do. If we miss, move on quickly train up and challenge ourselves with another course.

I'm inspired.

posted from Bloggeroid

Forgive and Forget

I realised. There are lots of heat when we were in the moment of doing things. But there after, cool off the heat, put down your fist. Out of office we are all bros, happy times we all hope to have.

Forgive and forget, the world would be a better place =). Everyone's here to be happy anyway.

Happiness. It's a common emotion everyone over the world is seeking for. Pure, innocent and liberated happiness.

Used the words that they used on me, let them tasted their Own medicine...

I... humiliated them like how they put me down..

But I'm not happy now cause I know this revenge is not bringing me anywhere =(

Lord forgive me...

posted from Bloggeroid

Damn I miss those times

The aging phenonmena

Went to the bank today to fill up an application to apply for a certain thing. Went into the bank and there was a long queue, not surprising cause it was a Saturday morning. Behind me stood 2 man in their 40s or 50s. One were complaining how the aunties in front of us should not have used this time to deposit their cash, insensitive and loud they were. The other was complaining to the attendant how disorganized the bank was and how his carpark coupon is expiring.

So when it was my turn.. when I was filling up my application, one guy said... "Where got people fill up application on counter one, an educated person should have filled in before queuing up".
If only I know where he parked his car, I'll call the summon auntie directly to his car.

Hate these people who think they own the world, regardless of how powerful or rich you are you dont have the right to rule people without respecting their rights. Who thinks they are always right and on top of the situation, no remorse, no humility, arrogant, not humble, do not put himself in other people's shoes. Makes it very hard to live with them.

Yet again.. guess most of all elderlies are like that. With their years of encounter, each are very confident in their own stories, things they have gone through. Cause their youth experience was their golden years, things they hold most close to. Glad my mummy is not like that... but daddy... I could understand. Probably he was lonely for too long, it cornered him to be this way. But as a person grew older, he tends to be less dogmatic, humble and friendly.

They say life's like a reversal. When you grow old, eventually you'll become like a kid again. Now I have 2 kids under my care. Haha =D. When I've chance, I'll share how these 2 naughty heads behaves. HAHAHA.

Btw, this is my dumping ground of emotions, dumping ground of angst and release. Take things I say at your own discretion!! My happy times are not here. If you feel like you're being pulled down emotionally with all these releases, do pull yourself away from this blog. Delete it, forget the address and visit other joyful blogs.

=D.
 

Glad you came.

The sun goes down, the stars goes up, all that counts is here and now.

Through loosing, we manage to find ourselves.

A really sad day.

Today..
One of us left.
He was attrited.

I'm feeling really sad now. Imagine someone who have been with you to church, been out with you on weekends in Perth, someone who went into the jungles with you... Who sneaked out to party with you, who broke rules so we be a little of ourselves.

The times when we ate Maggie together for nine months of lunch.
The times when we leant that alcohol was water during Fridays.
When we ended up having to work together just to get through tough times together..

I hate this. Cause I had 14 guys who failed when I was the only one who got through. On the second round, I tried to help and it dragged we down to the point I almost failed. But this time I couldn't even take care of myself to help him.. :(

Now it's left with 6 of us and they are going to target one more of us..

I've not been performing lately.. Morales do affect I guess.
Got a marginal today...makes me wonder if I'm the next..

Work hard Alvin. For all the previous efforts put in, you do not come here to mess it up. Stopping here will only mean no future for you. The next entry for uni is only next year if you stop now, all that is left is only you, yourself and an empty space.

There's no turning back. Get back up and perform like how you used to be. Superhero boy :).
Things will fall in place for you if you worked hard enough. Just a tiny inch more of effort will do. Work smarter and tougher =).

Go tiger!

posted from Bloggeroid

posted from Bloggeroid

posted from Bloggeroid

Leave the past, look to the future! Weeeeeee!

Heyooooooooooooooooooo!

This was the first weekend out of so many weekends that we have 3/4 attendance down here in the little corner of Siglap =D. Stayed homey with my 2 white hair buddies.

Many people mistaken purpose as a good career but in actual fact it's actually something more simple.

Being happy is to live with your purpose, by living this purpose, it means to do something which is most meaningful to you. Follow your bliss, live in the moment. Many of times, it is indefinite that we do not have the choice to do things we hold most closely to. Due to responsibility or requirements, no one can ever protect that sovereignty like how our parents once protected us. That's pure love, true and unbiased love that no one else can match up to. When one day we grow up... it's our turn to return these love to our beloved children. Love them like how our parents loved us, protect them like how much our parents have protected us. No matter how tainted the society may be, when it comes to family, always stay truthful, realistic and sincere. Give without expecting anything in return, not to ask for the moon but expect to give the stars. We are the only person to blame of our own unhappiness. Love that person for who he/she is, good or bad, it's everything that I'll truely love =D.

My instructors once asked me, what do I value most in life? What's my purpose living till today. I answered simply... is to save lives, help people when they need most like how super man did. Helping a life is most meaningful to me. Although now in this environment.. helping others put me in serious trouble, but I'll continue helping people on weekends or whenever it's needed.

When someone made an unfair judgement against you, turn away from it. Cause they didn't had the initiative or to find time to get to know you. They chose the easy way to see whatever that was convenient. Turn away from these negative energy =).

Happiness ain't about materials, ain't about our goals or what we aspired to be, it's being your beloved ones, about sharing tiny moments and sharing about things we've encounter in our daily lives. It's about discovering together, seeing and exploring new adventures.

We should live life NOW, cause "now" is the time that truly exist. Future or past was not something we can control. So stay happy now.

Questions our thoughts. Make them real. Cause the negativity comes when we believed too much in what we thought instead of what was real.

Many people pursue for happiness, but right now, down here... I choose to create happiness =)

Thank you my family for all the sweet adventures you have taught me. From understanding the difference in culture to how different people lived together, from places of poverty to the riches, from east to west. Thank you for sacrificing so much for me. Sacrificing beyond your own comfort, beyond what you were able to manage. Thank you for the peace, the good roof and stability you've provided me, for the understanding too. Now I truly truly truly understand true love, they were always beside me... just that I never saw it.

I need to open my heart to be pure once again. Let's go out there and be awesome.

Happiness.

The true meaning of it. =D

My beloved family

I kinda understand now why sometimes we should keep our thoughts on certain issues and prefer to keep mum about them.. Cause it probably will lead to a while series of misunderstandings at the very end when the message was not delivered properly or holistically. And in the end it becomes unforgivable when things are received in a negative fashion or the positive aspect of the issue was not felt..

If it was concluded even before it was explained and it'll remain as it was, unexplainable.
The complication of the issues will just keep pilling without patience, time or forgiveness =). Found ourselves in this never ending saga... which ended with both ends loosing. =)

My family
I've come to realize how purpose driven my family have been.. We each had played a huge part in this community, helping people around us or helping others appreciate themselves better. This is not meant to be a Hao Lian session, just a time to smile at simple things in life =)

Mummy–
My mummy now is someone that saves baby. If you ever meet her in the society, it could only mean one thing... You have a baby that you don't wish to keep =). She's a councillor at an abortion centre. So before you decide to throw away a life my mum and her group of friends will be there to show you how good it its to be a parent. They are doing this not as a career but rather for the woman association of Singapore. Paid only a small allowance sum but contribute because of their expertise in the field of counseling or previous experiences.
On weekends, mum contributes to the mute society of Singapore. She studies hand signs to help the dead and mute. Kindness and tenderness is what my mum has =). My mum has always been a happy and cheeky person with a light personality, probably no mum in this world will be as childish as you, I've come to appreciate you much better =P. She easily forgives and accept things around her.

Daddy-
After retirement, my dad put a sum of his fortune to opening a active elderly aging discovery club. For the past 2 years he's been organizing courses, overseas trip, ktv sessions, producing videos about stories of individuals, road trips to Malaysia and light exercises like climbing bukit timah to engage the local elderlies to continue living happily despite aging,. Though dad have been tough on certain values of mine previously but I could see how tough and lonely my dad was in his early days. Respect my dad for his commitment into the family ;). For what he had done, I wont mind taking his thrifty habits. (Like I had to buy groceries for the house every week)

Sis-
Having fun and seeing you happy makes me happy =). Enjoy your life now before we discover the society together =). Congrats on the 2nd upper. Haha.

Me-
Whatever that I'm doing now is confidential. There's no me. There's only the plane, the system and my country. Someday "me" will be back and I'll love that "me" again =).

My mum now has been in Holland for the past week. Sis is in France for the past 2 month. Dad was in bintan for th e past 3 days. All paid by dad, except sis air ticket by me. Haha. Have to boast about this cause I'm proud about it. Hehe. The thing we enjoy in this family is that we understand the need to give space for one another to be happy. Not that we must always spend time together. Quality time was what we always look forward to =). Going fetch all these lazy bumps when they come back this weekend. Sis will be back next Friday with my E spirit wallet =).

Freedom is something that we give to one another, knowing that freedom brings a person further, open their eyes to more things in the world =). Whether is it seeing the skies, kindness to the disabled, seeing the different cultures of the world or to give happiness to the elderly, it's purpose we found that we boosted our own self esteem and spirits. We will be there for one another whenever we are feeling low =)

Though its l lonely now I'm sure ill see you guys soon :). 5 HOURS =P.

posted from Bloggeroid

Sometimes it's hard. Open our hearts to listen.

THE REAL ME.

Hi world. Raising my hands up, put the other on my chest. Shouting out to the world who has a heart to hear me and admit to the world... that I’ve not been myself.

Finding a meaning or a reason in what we are doing. Circumstances brought us to where we are, will filtered us to what we wish we were, and in the end reality is most likely what we end up with. Finding a reason to live with reality… will take a little more time and self adjustment?

Guess we must somehow always try to find ourselves in what we do, even when our destiny are something that we didn’t wished for, or otherwise, we should try to see the truth or the meaning in it?

So we could feel our actions from the bottom of our hearts and not to fall into a trap of our own to live day by day..  Subconsciously.

What had happened to me this one year of being away from home?

I want to admit that I’ve done wrong.  Realize that I’ve not been putting down my transparent human shield, this shield that I’ve held on for a year without family. Living in a work environment for so long, I seemed to forget what it feels like to be… home. What happened to the previous Alvin who is kind, genuine, careful to details and who always thought of others more than himself? Circumstances have put me in a place where 

I’ve to think for myself to survive. Learn how to put down this big shield, this wall that have been preventing others from loving you, hurting people who cares for you.. Be humble and tender towards people who really loves you. Yes they still exist =), definitely. Open up your heart to these people and love them with tenderness, let your hearts interlink. Learn to trust again. Believe in goodwill. In that moment that felt like forever.

Don’t hide, cause it makes it harder for people to find you. Don’t hide for people love you. Don’t hide cause all you ever really wanted was to be found.

Be yourself. Be you. Love yourself more Alvin.

Take care my diary.

That pink sunsilk scent..

*snap*

I'm going to press pause at this point in time and enjoy this little moment I have at this very moment in time. Write a note to commemorate what I've been going through all along.

All my friends are out there enjoying their uni life, fun they have... eating, drinking, socialising, companions, sporting activities. While here I am day by day, preparing for flights, reading up on knowledge, aircraft systems, weather.. Preparing on restrictions. Drawing a trainee payslip and seeing the same old faces for the past 2 years.

Days here only gets tougher, from the time we step in till they time we put our heads on the pillow, its non-stop survival instincts, non-stop taking in of knowledge, non-stop management of problems. Time management and task prioritisation is part of our bread and butter.

Many people envy us for what we do, but many of our kind are sourcing for ideas to find an escape route.

Let alone all the stress, unhappiness in here, I'm just glad I have a good and stable job. Let away the politics, competitiveness, hectic schedules and high level of time commitment, my eyes have actually one of the best views on earth. The ticket to be forever a little kid, fly boy they called it. Seeing cars as if they are toy cars, birds as if we are dancing together, clouds which manipulated with us, the ever changing details of civilisation. How over time colours of trees changed, how the seasons changed with wind, how the power of being flexible and versatile is such a beauty.

This moment in time where I had a good grade for my check flights, leading my course, had a comfortable personal time cause of my horse, have a really pretty girl, sufficient sleep and not having anymore maggie for lunch.

I'd just like to thank god for the tough times, that made it so sweet to live these days I have now. How lonely and dividing it have been from a normal person's life. Thanks for injecting interesting things every now and then to make it exciting :).

Feelings

Truth for Feelings.
Compromising for Truth.
Time for Compromise.
Will for Time.
Speaking to your heart comes Will.
But when we stopped speaking to our hearts..

That's probably when we have came to our last page.



Smile and move one please.

Thank You

Thank you for those times.
Those unforgettable encounters, the company we have shared.
Thank you for leaving a sweet chapter in this part of my life.
Thank you for the unending joy.

May be it'd be better to let it go, for it to glow in happiness.

 

Regards,

After so many years

It'll still be the same =)

 

For my little boy.

You've got to dream a little bigger boy. Dont be afraid to dream of something higher darling =).

Nothing else you can do..

Oblivion.

Have any earthlink come to think that sometimes it's better not to know the truth? To believe in that moment, which felt so important, to know that things were path out nicely for you, without you having to expect or plan anything for? Hide the truth and forget about your identity or what you've been going through?

I've been living in lies all my life. Lies that made me believe, that gave me faith and strength to carry on with what I was doing. I ran in believing I'll become national champion runner someday, studied real hard cause I wanted to be a fighter pilot my whole life, been a nice guy knowing someday it'll bring me to a nice girl, working and investing real hard now cause I wanna build a good home in future.

None of these actually came true in reality, I was better on water than on land. I had blades on top of me instead of flying at mach speeds. And probably all girls on this land favour materialistic desires more than a good guy.

Dreams are important, although it might not become real eventually, it sure brings you to many wonderful places.

Guess I've lost that believe since a long while, now it's time to head out there and find a new hope. Find meaning in what I'm doing now, I definitely can't find hope in this ever demanding workplace which eats ate up my youth and happiness. Neither in my house filled with 2 beloved parents which are expecting me to basket happiness for them. I believe there's still something out there to share happiness with or where joy actually exist.

Probably there's someone out there who will appreciate you for what you do. I'll believe in prayers once again.

Fairytales. I hope I could remain in them.

Why Man are happier than woman

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack…
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes.
Men Are Just Happier People


NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.


EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.


BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.


DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!


- http://todaysjoke.net

Here it goes..

The best part of the day, everyday, was to wake up from a wonderful sleep. Put on my uniform and head to work. That 10 minutes is the best part of my career life, to see beautiful skies, ride on the roads to know that this is still the world I once knew while I was back in college, ready to cope with difficulties the day had to offer.

Tonight, work finally decided to give me a break, here I am sitting down on this computer writing down my thoughts. A rare chance to be able to do this.

Someone came in and once again educate me again on the importance of saving, that I have to invest invest and invest given my substantial income. Strong mindset they say old people have, filled with their years of experience which I respect. But they do not really see your point or the position that you are in. Stretched both sides, sometimes I don't know how to act.

The worst part of it is, when you have nothing to back up your point, you'd take the other party's happiest object as a supporting evidence to use against him. He's only happiness that he had at this point of time... He's sweetheart.

I don't like coming home. Because mum will start selling her ideas on investment, how I should save and stop spending even though I'm already very thrifty. She check my bankbook very often, look up on my receipt when ever I left them in my pockets. She knows almost everything I spend on and advised on every details I do, when I exactly know what I'm doing. WHY =/.

Afterall, she's still my mum that loves me most in this whole wide world. Now it's just how I'm going to deal with it from this point on...

Lai.. JIA YOU.

I dont want to drink, party, wear all these expensive stuff and boils down to a whole lot of empty shits.

I want to play a sport
I want to be part of a team that have trust in one another
I want to hear words from truth from my team mates
I want to be part of a dream team, even if it means to be a small team
I want to train

Now, let's just stick to kite surfing =/

The boy who was forced to grow up.

I told myself at the start line, before I embark on my career journey that I'm never going to grow up.
That I'll always remain as a little boy all the way until my death bed. Cause I couldn't conjure with responsibilities and could never understand why people like to take on lifetime commitments, until up till at this point in time so many weights are placed on my shoulders.

So many hopes, expectations and eyes of support on me. I'm feeling the heat, from both the upstairs and downstairs. I believe likewise for my coursemates. We only each have 24 hours a day be  we lived as if we had more, probably that's how they trained us to be superhumans.

Beyond time management, beyond capabilities and beyond myself.

No one really understand the level amount of capacity problem I have. And it's hard for me to relate what's happening to everyone else without time. Because only having time spent together do we get to know one another better? Sometimes even mum and dad couldn't understand, probably aging has caused them to be full of themselves.

Why must I cope with the stress from the family, work and still have to manage myself? I only have 24 hours, 2 hands, 1 wallet,  a pair of brains and one mouth to speak.

It's only going to be tough for another year or so. Good times will come soon =).

Press on.

The ups and downs

Sometimes when you tried searching for the answers but they just don't come?

What's the real purpose for me on this Earth?

Each person on born was given a purpose and god gave me a purpose that involves with coping with so much mishaps in life.

The unexpected, crude or sometimes inhumane. But I guess all of those were blessings in disguise? Being able to jump out of my previous academic background, to cope with such a stressful family, meet the demands of everyone around me, having to face my worst econs, getting injured before a very important competition and now.. To find a purpose in flying a craft I was never expecting to.

These series of non-stop up hill and down hill, definitely made my life a roller coaster, a joy ride probably no one on this earth will taste. Blessing I would say :D. A real deep one.

"What's my calling? Why was I even born in this world?". I was asking myself. It seemed like someone have been training me by putting so much obstacles in front of me. One after another, they just kept coming non-stop.

I thought of death cause its the most anyone would have feared. And I told myself that I'll not be afraid when it comes. For I'll die with a purpose.

If one day I have to die to save someone in return, I will. Even for a simple life, because I have nothing to loose..

I want to protect things cause too much pain and hurtful things have been happening. I want to make this world a better place, for you, me and everyone else :)

Cure this painful place that most of us have been trying to put up with.

If only I could lie.

I'm sorry, may be I shouldn't have made that promise.

It’s in living every moment
Like it could be our last
For our hearts are restless till
They rest in Love’s caress
And the moments we remember
They interweave our hearts
Like a tapestry surrounding us,that we forget to touch

It’s why we wake up every morning
It’s why we seek each other’s smile
It’s why we know that it’s all worth it
It’s why we hold on we make the sacrifice

Smile
It’s a Beautiful Life

If only we could have more time together..

“10 Lessons Lin Can Teach Us Before We Go To Work Monday Morning“ 

Believe in yourself when no one else does
Seize the opportunity when it comes up
Your family will always be there for you, so be there for them
Find the system that works for your style
Don’t overlook talent that might exist around you today on your team
People will love you for being an original, not trying to be someone else
Stay humble
When you make others around you look good, they will love you forever
Never forget about the importance of luck or fate in life
Work your butt off

Had late night party yesterday night. Young and wild, nothing beats these people.

As usual, my eyes opened at 8am despite all the late sleep and fighting fatigue nights. Opened my eyes to a room filled with many sleepy head squeezed in a 3 room hotel.

Woke up today thinking it was a Sunday, cause usually our night activities only happen on saturday. Put on my shoes and rushed down to Perth City church which was only 10 minutes away. Thought I would be able to catch the 9.30pm mass. This 10 minutes of walk was the most scenic view of Perth I had seen in the last 10 months. I didnt realized they had natural wood high tension wires, well paved marble tiles or even hibiscus planted along these walkway.

I have walked along this exact path for at least 20-30 times, none of it was like today.

This was when I realized I've graduated and I'm back being Alvin again.

Did not really enjoy Perth to begin with. A tough moment I had thinking and concluding my stay here. A harder fact to accept what I achieved out of here. A even benign fact was that I realized I have been treating my coursemates as friends rather than competitors.

Now that I'm sitting in this church, sometimes I wonder if God really exist? In religion, good deeds are promised to have good returns. Good people are normally well treated and normally be treated well in return. But things are different here.

I regret not holding my breath long enough to put these friends as competitors. That I haven't had a strong mind to filter off other miscellaneous things other than flying. Cause I was afraid of change and changes that mum had warned me about?

But actually, sometimes its better to change for a bigger cause. And at the end of all this saga, return to be who I was.

Others don't define me, I defined who I am. Let's learn from this lesson and mistake I've made and not fall prey to these irrelevant things again.

Good morning world :)

I hope someone out there could feel what I'm feeling.

Hi Blog.

The lonely days are getting lonelier.
It's like there's no friend when it comes to fighting for our future, I give up on my organization long ago, lost my purpose in working for it. Totally disappointed cause most of the time people do things as an defensive act to protect their asses rather than a friendly act to improve things or as a beneficial ideals to innovate. Good people gets utilized and warn out, while bad people rose sky high and created their empires. Mum have always taught me that if you don't like a certain behavior towards you, don't be like them. But I'm tired of staying on the good side and getting bullied. There's no credit in being Mr Nice over here. Stones everywhere, fingers always pointing. A simple problem or task that everyone tries to avoid. A cost that was not paid by the responsible people. I can bare to see no further. There was no way I could reason things out to myself how it happened the way they happened.

In this land of kids where people play hide and seek, where kids rules and adults are treated like prisoners, I can bare to see no more. Strings every where, tongue shoe shiners and under table handshakes. When you heard of them, you can do nothing but shake your head.

They say if you can't beat them, you can only join them.

I'm going to be strong at the end of all these and survive every single moment of this. I'm here for my salary and go to a good home.

To my future wife and kids, will you blame dad for not being able to climb higher on his career for the morals that he cannot cope with? Gonna be smarter in my next course, outwit all these competitors around me and know how to protect myself more. I'm tired of seeing good people dying.

It's a lousy feeling to be outplayed by politics. I hate to loose, more than I ever want to win.

 

Believe in truth. Still.

Injustice. They are just everywhere without family and friends. How everyone preached about playing fair and sticking to the rules, even in soccer... there's something called red card. But in real life, your red card might just be your dying day.

Unfairness. It catches you when you are still so green and at disadvantage most of the time. The fight for money, for promotions, for pride and power is often so ugly. Morals twisted, respect toasted, friendship broken, bonds split and fingers starts pointing.

Why must human be like this in the end? Why cant people harmoniously live together without fighting for a throne? Why cant Thailand, one of the kindest country in the world, be the most successful country in the world? Instead why are the country with the greatest arms and highest fire power ranked the most superior in the world?

Fear is much more capable than love and respect when it comes to success.

So ugly and dirty.

Let's just continue to try my best and believe in truth and stay tune for what heavens have in stall for me =).
What belongs to me will definitely come and of course it still comes with a prize of working hard ^_^.

End of a very long and well deserved break

In this month, I've splurge quite a fair bit. On numerous activities which are eye opening but among these, there's only one single greatest take away - to be happy. As you grow up, finding happiness is really a great deal of task. With competitions, society's pressure, the fight to out win one another in any means... it can get quite ugly and dirty. But this break had open my eyes once again to realize that this is just an integral part of my life that I dont really have to believe in. It does not define me. I could be here with my soul working things professionally but I could still keep my character, keep what I was before, keeping my way of life, keep the things I love. I do not really have to change myself entirely =).

I still believe in good, meritocracy, love, justice and fair play. I believe ultimately those people who used ugly means to get up there will normally fall down very hard in the end. A simple life is good, I do not need a mansion to prove my ability neither do I have to be a billionaire to tell the world I've succeeded. It comes with a little luck and a little dirtiness. Nonetheless, if the opportunity comes knocking on my door one day, I'll embrace it with open arms =). Once again, I'm blogging here to announce to the whole world that I will be working my hardest and now my smartest. It's worth it =).

Bite the bullet!

Jairus

He's one of the stars of my life. When we competed years ago, I didn't know he was of such strong caliber, such strong character. There was this instant when both of us started our virgin paddling experience, we started almost together capsizing every other day in our ever unstable boat. Every time we fell we would get up but after a considerable amount of tries, I would normally sit on the shore while watching his countless attempts in the mastery of the boat. He was a worthy opponent, in fact now that I see - a formidable fighter. I think everyone in my time had seen him in action, his aspirations, his fight and his dreams, makes up a big picture of a respectable athlete in every Singaporean paddlers.

He inspired me, undoubtedly. I want to return to the arena of paddling after I sorted my iron rice bowl, representing Singapore is something I can afford for my country, a chapter of my story that I would like to write. Age 28 will be my prime, so let's work towards that. Meanwhile keeping myself fit.

‘I want to be grateful; I want to show my appreciation to all the people around me, and I want to appreciate and enjoy every moment of my life.’

Read more here

I guess it's seeing these things that keeps me alive. If my life was given in exchange to save 100 more lives, it will be worth it. I'll just keep counting and seems like it ain't so bad afterall =). Feel so blessed after hearing those news. There'll always a better plan for me =).