I can't stop thinking about u.

Xmas

Greetings Earthlings!

It's been long since I was able to talk lightheartedly and able to smile naturally without being shouted at or being reprimanded. I had 10 days of Christmas and a beautiful finale which stays as an special episode of this year, something that makes me scared but I would hold closely to.

In these 10 days, I learnt a new sport, catch up with all my close cliques, ate all sorts of exotic food, fought the sleepless nights, watched crazy Xmas, had a very sweet Christmas and a lovely, unforgettable company.
I've changed for the better because of you =). I realised during this short break trip that infact I have been really fortunate, one of better jobs around the place with apt payslip (though a poor life), one that is noble and fulfilling. Accepting this fate is hard but giving up will be harder. So thank you for the best present of happiness, I'll be counting more of my blessings than seeing things I do not have. =)

Merry Christmas everyone! Recommend all chaps this movie titled 12 dates of Christmas, watch it to believe yourself. Cheers!

When the heart stops beating

One of the hardest fall I had..

To be honest to the whole wide world, my heart stopped beating since I stepped here. It isn't like the excitement I get when I watched people on the court playing basketball, when I see the racing canoes, when I see people wind surf.

My heart stopped beating for any girl. Stopped beating for politics. Stopped beating for any purpose in life.
I'm truly sorry to myself. I was heartbroken when before I came here and it took away the best of me during the crucial times.

I'm truly sorry. Although sorry is never going to rewind history.

2 failures on my last week. That's 80% damage to my entire time here. Complacency.

From the top of the world to the valley of the deep

You know I started off being really shit hot. One of the cream of my crowd, aced every sortie.

Somewhere along the way I lost that touch, that feeling. That person who is feeling at the top of the world, being superior and always able to take care of others when myself is taken care off.

But my life is at stake. Failing one sortie after another. I'm feeling down and couldn't hold myself up. I'm needing comfort and love for some reason.

Falling shouldn't be an option from now on. 4 more short days only. Fight on!

I will not give up.

Sent from my iPhone

Pilot to tower.

"Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land. 600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please instruct! "

"Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, which art in heaven...'"

When u realized.

Humans can be very different but all of them have one thing in common - the spirit to win.

When we were still a beast, kings fought with one another for the best queens. In Olympics, we run for a medal, for a pride which seems empty but has everything to do with being superior. In exams, no one stands in our way when it comes to scoring in questions. In war, we only have one objective.. To kill or to hurt just to win.

Recently, winning have been channelled to become something else.
If winning means to court a girl, if wining is about having high alcohol tolerance, if the rich's favorite pastime is casino. Will u still want to win given even when u are from a background where sex is sacred, where alcohol is poison, where the gambling is seen as if a illegal activity. But mummy, they say it's part of a fighter pilot's life.

Peers who were good at those were indeed the cream of my batch. Marched on and progress at the speed of light. Otherwise, on the other side, people are seen as losers.

Right now, I'm here sitting under the stars pondering and reflecting. Weekends after weekends, wild nights and crazy things I've done.

I'll admit to all my readers. I've indeed changed for this "flare to win". I got a girl at the club just to prove to my peers I could hook up anyone. Got phone numbers after numbers when I'm bored of accompanying them to clubs but none to which i contacted. I've been in mess nights on Fridays drinking Guinness, Pure blonde and cold beer with instructors and chatting our sorrows and joys away. I've placed bets on the casino table and got $100 profit just to prove that I can win. I've done crazy things just to prove my capability, things I never liked to do.

But may be its time to stop winning and be a loser. It's not so bad to be a loser after all. Atleast you have a stable life instead a life filled with risk, close friends instead of surface fancy friends, a intimate girlfriend instead of many bar talk girls, atleast u keep your cash instead of giving all up in one bet.

I was never taught to be that kind of winner from the very beginning.

If you were given the chance to lead the life of a winner from this perspective, would you want this? High pay grade guaranteed and luxurious life. A bungalow with a huge car is definitely within reach.

Or simply... A simple life?

Sent from my iPhone

The great divide

This post goes out to everyone out there with a heart to listen. For people who are selfless and think for others more often than themselves.

Couple of days back while watching the box office 'In Time' this simple memory hit me on wealth disparity.

When I was younger, my dad like to bring me around to world to visit places which aren't very well off. We been up in the mountains to visit terrace padi fields, been down to valley to sea fish mongers, in the mountains to visit miners. These were places in China province which are not easily accessible to the public and it usually involves long train ride and road trip to reach. We normally head out there in our buggy and befriend a reliable driver along the way to get to these places.

When we were there people see us as if we were gods with lots of wealth even though all we had was a simple jacket and a trendy sport shoe. I could specifically remember a moment when my ever passionate photographer dad wanted to take a photo of these 3 little girls and those 3 girls were trying to avoid his camera lens. Not knowing what a camera was, they freak out when they appeared on the LCD screen of the camera. One of them stood up and made a deal with Dad that if he wants to take a photo of them, he needs to mailed at least a copy back. So my dad made that promise.

What's the cost of a camera? A little device we have stucked to each and everyone of our phone where we snap pictures of happy and sad moments to share with love ones. But for these girls who are young and wanted to remember that moment in time, had never seen a camera before. A train ticket to the cities is a luxury for these people, it is equivalent to a month's pay. There's no TV, no fridge nor a washing machine in the household. Their portable water are from the water wells. This disparity in wealth will be the same for the next century unless the wealthy do something to lift these people up.

One of the biggest thought that hit me was that if I put myself in the shoes of that farmer and wanted to become that charm smart looking city boy, would I ever be able to? By planting more seeds, by plough more fields, by harvesting more grains... will I be able to?

Hope the world can be a better place for everyone.

This is not my home.

In this place, where we often see backstabbing. Often see instructors march on your pride, where we hear how the most selfish people prevail and where we see good people end up in tears. Where our own ass are constantly in the spotlight and not our ability to shine. When things goes wrong here, fingers start to point, asses start to close and people starts to turn away. Only those who (claim to be the smartest) who have the cheek to be thick skin enough to step on others to get higher will shine. In this place, I would never want to try to be home.

Home is where there's a comfortable sofa, a cup of hot milo, good music with a warm ambiance is present. Most importantly filled with people who cares and loves you. Who celebrate your achievements. Who will help you even if it was a small problem. Who stands by you when you made wrong decisions and admitted wrong. Who hugs and kisses you when in joy. I've not felt real love in a long time and especially coming from a family so well knitted. Home is where mummy, daddy and sis is =).

I've been away from home for the longest of time. But this is not my home, not here. So let's keep fighting till the end.

55 days =). I can't wait. Let's fight.

I've been there

I've been there.
Soaring through clouds.
Having the earth on top of my heads.
With the heavens below me, with sun rays shining me from below.
Tumble, roll and flipping through clouds.
Flying at the speed of sound.
Getting close to the ground and dancing with the winds.
I tango with the birds and I was the king of the skies.

On my master seat I have gauges of all sort. I put will on my right hand and faith on my left.
They have been my friends ever since, we have been through thick and thin; low and high; fast and slow. The beauty of cruise, the touch of aerobatics and the finesse of accuracy, my 2 friends and I have been there.

So what's stopping me? I'm here for the best. To be on top of the world and nothing less. Beat the shit out of anything's that is stopping me. Don't stop me cause you'll be hurt. You'll only survive as my enemy. I'm limitless and beyond boundaries. No obstacles stand in my way.

I'm unstoppable.

Hello world.

It's always about sad news that's why I am here. To speak the words of truth and all that I need to confess, hoping to move on at the end of this self reflection.

One thing that is true. I have not been performing up to standards, behind my own power performance curve. My careless, non-meticulous and ill discipline attitude have been biting on my peak performance ever since the start. What they are looking for, is an X factor in me. Which I clearly lacked. A winner in me which will kill to win or do anything which is necessary.

I have a kind and passive personality. I don't like sucking up to superiors neither do I like being a person's dog. I need to have a deeper desire in me, a greater passion and a wilder fire. It is unsaid.

It's like liking a girl. No matter what she does, crazy or mad.. you'll still love her.

I'm in love with the freedom and discipline in air. For the anticipation and beauty of finesse aviation.

Keep going ALVIN!

Almost there

My number one lesson learnt from this week. Don't forget nature. Someday it'll come at you and tear you down. No life stands in its way, big or small, it brings it all down. People say humans are the most superior creatures but they forgot it was nature that people are relying on. =)

Dance and fly with the winds. If you forget the winds, you just lost the skill of perfection in flying.

Keep pushing limits. It's a test of your capability. You are strong and worthy. For will and honour. =)





Another version of "who you are" written by Jessie J

DRUNK

The feeling of having some liquid substance within you and feel like throwing up is wrong. The whole of today was spend on recovering from yesterday night. That lousy and wasted feeling. I feel like a girl for the first time, having cramps and reluctant to do anything else. Hangover the next day and proved that merlion do exist.

Never going to drink again, I'm fearful of alcohol now. It'll take a while before I'm going to allow anyone to influence me get a cup.

Now keep on track! =)

Disappointment

I am disappointed at myself for not performing up to the mark at the critical time but the perfect paint is out there waiting for me. Although all the odds are against the ideals but you've been fighting odds since you are born. So this is going to be a piece of cake in comparison.

Don't give up Alvin.

For yourself. For your love ones. For chow chow and the Ferrari dream. That's all I need in my simple dream life.

Feel comfortable and appreciate the changing of patterns and features. Relax and paint the beauty of aviation.

Gambette~!

Is there anybody out there living my life the way I do? Feeling the same way I've been?

Is there anyone out there...

Living my life just like me? Aiming my life purely towards success, pride and hope. Putting myself in a competitive environment where we dance to the music of survival. No love. No smiles. No truth. Lots of wealth, pride and future. As objective as scoring a goal in the game of soccer but work together because we are named "a team" and share a common goal. We play with the rules of a dynamic team, perform and put up a good show but never knowing how each another felt or worn the shoes of the person next to you.

Is there someone out there who sacrificed their freedom, who put away their youthful young adulthood for something they vie for. Whether is it to be successful, powerful, rich or prospective, left your love for sports, music, games or even hanging out with your besties. 

Oh talking about besties, where are you my dear Canoeist. Sometimes I really miss you guys. I miss the companionship of close friends and how we could tell one another's feelings just by the look of the face or the way people reacted. I miss the brother and sisterhood we shared.

If you are the person, you must be a rare breed. If you are not, I envy your life living in happiness and smiles. I've been reading (or stalking) a lovely couple's blog, one of which was from my College. Seeing their smiles made my day. I like seeing people happy. Especially when they are from the bottom of their Hearts. Truth of what they feel. No hiding, no shielding, no politically correct answers.

Is there anybody out there feeling the same way I do? In my shoes and waiting for happiness to come by one day?

My mind is so free, I can be what I want to be. No obstacles too strong. No road too long. In my mind I could do no wrong.

Gear up and pull up pull up!

Could someone enlighten me why am I still blogging? Such a boring life, going through routines of which seems the same everyday yet my blog count is still rolling.. If you are one of those anonymous person in that count roll, may be its time to hit the "x" or identify yourself!

Anyway, tag on that board so I really know who my readers are ^_^. It's been back to one of those days again when I start stalking some friend's random blog. Interested in reading whats going on in a person's life, whether is it tom, dick or harry potter. They are always an interesting read.

We hit the roads this weekend and went to satisfy our long deprived taste butts. Got to a Dim Sum restaurant and ate like a monster. Met into some trouble with a sneaky restaurant owner who refused to give 2 tables for a customer of 14. Got to squeeze like HAM JING PENG together in one table. We had to send a message of feeling injustice after being confronted by that HongKee boss. Paid off our bills and walked out of the restaurant cancelling all subsequent orders we have. Which really amounts to a ransom.

Got to Perth city and Dragon Palace Dim Sum was way better, with ace service of course. They had quality service rather than trying to rip off our wallets. We ended up with a bill of A$400+ for a group of 14 hungry souls.



Some city building


Asian food!!


One of those bills you dont wish to see


Retro babe


Skies made with love above us all =)

Hi again. I miss you.

Hello. Greetings. 

So here's one joy of my life since a very long time. Hi bunny, they call me that after putting on Long Johns and doing all those Charlie Chaplin moves to instigate the audience. Got the crowd hyped up with my bunny outfit at the expense of my pride and face. Oh well, all for laughs, there were much more we would have done to get people laughing. I have a great night and God knows what you can imagine what we have done.

Anyway its been awhile since I arrived and coping well with everything here.

Words of Emotions
I know it may sound a little emo from here onwards, but I need this form of release. So excuse yourself if you don't wish to see the emo part of me.

What I am about to share is something truthful, something from the bottom of my heart have felt but not being able to express it openly in my workplace. Or no one really wish to listen to this weak part of mine right here and there's absolute no one appropriate that I could share this with except here.. No one have that spare time or patience to listen out.
But I think people who are able recognize and acknowledge weakness are the people who would able to go furtherest, instead of not facing their weakness. Ain't going to run away from this.

I miss loving a girl. Having someone to love and think all day. My life is really down without having anyone I love or really really truly, madly and deeply insanely in love with. I am powered by love, it is the very essence how all human being's positive natural motivation comes about. I love my Mum, I love my Sis but that's a different kind of love.

The feeling of wanting to live with her for eternity, to make her smile forever, make her laugh, share all my god knows what weirdo stories with her, listening out to her rantings, share a common interest, walk the world with her together or touch her soft cheeks. I miss the feeling of having a special girl that means a World to me.
Although I never had a girlfriend but I once had (a bloody long time ago and not worth trying to recall those wounds) someone really special to me. I wish to have that again... to love her as if there were no tomorrow.

Honestly, as I was sitting through a dull lecture few days back, no information was going into my head although they were all very crucial. I had no life within me, no spark, no flame. Practically going through motions of the need to be there. We had a toilet break and I took a look at my friend's FB PM about trying to set me up with a person I have a crush on, my world just lit again. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that msg and started thinking of all the possible ways I could get to know her, could do things with her, could ask her or to make her laugh. After that toilet break, I was surprisingly energized and hyped out digesting all the knowledge that was taught. But that flame only lasted a few moments only coming down to Earth and coming to reality that its not actually possible with the distance and the "shy" culture Asian have. Ultimately, my friend didnt cared much either.

All I could do now is to pray. So lord, let me meet that special someone soon. I need that special person, let me bang to her into the streets, accidentally post a fb msg or whatsoever. Whatever means, how expected or unexpected it could be. If not I'll just be a dull hag until I reach uni in 5 years time. Ah crap. Oh wells.
I am not desperate, mind you =).

Trying with my best effort to put my thoughts into words, no confusions intended down here =).

Till next time.

You wouldn't believe if I'd told you.

This definitely is one of the most spontaneous trip ever. We were granted leave on the 10th and poop, we found ourselves in Phuket on the 11th. We bought the air tickets about 16 hours before the actual departure time, with much gratitude towards the establishments of budget airlines. And we booked our hotel 8 hours prior to our arrival. Worst of all, we had the impression that the airplane ticket was at departing at 7pm  when it was actually at 1pm. Thanks to our regular training of resilience, we got ourselves ready in an hour and cabbed down to Airport, settled our lunch in 10 odds minutes and literally marathon (with all the undigested food and luggage we have) to the boarding gate.

With nothing in mind of what awaits us and clueless about the activities available in Phuket, we clicked on the webbie and sent a bill for any tickets that was within our price range. None of us actually been to a unguided tour to thailand before that ended ourselves a problem of conversing in their language here. In the end, we got ourselves ripped off from a taxi ride from Airport to our hotel.

But 天无绝人之路, there were many more fun and awesome activities waiting for us in Phuket. We walked with the fatique of having IPPT in the morning throughout the day, darn it was challenging because these thighs have not run at that kind of intensity for the last 4 months.

We came across these little booth which offered attractive tour packages and tourist activities. Mr JC's sweetie tongue got us a good price cut off our tour package and activities. While Mr CS's innocent and cute looking charm was an edging to get the attention of bystanders. We had a cool trip with 2 Finnish ladies and a lecturer from the University of Seoul. While our nights were drowned with beer down at a live band Pub, with good vocals and a soothing saxophonist. one of the coolest nights we had was with a Canadian Mum and her 2 daughters. Where a dude was coming to our table and showing off his charming moves for a chance to date one of mama's daughter for the night. But mama kept her kids well away from potent threats, nothing beat a mama's bear like instincts. She's an awesome mum, I'd had wish she was my wife . Not forgetting the famous Ping Pong show everyone in town is talking about, always something about seduction that made a town famous. But we had a few good laugh and found it rather boring, it destroyed my perfect picture for a pretty girl. Nonetheless, the Canadian mama painted a good one up again =).

I'm quite tired of living a single life and not letting myself loose. It would be better to open up my options. Open up to the society and receive whatever it has in store for me. Know my bottom line, no sex, no smoking and no drugs. The world out there is waiting for me to be explored =D.

I'm so thankful for embarking on this getaway trip with these 2 funny pie. How much more nonsense can we get.

Now it's time to move ourselves into our stanch to get ready for whatever shit that is waiting for us over the Oceania.

Hello lonely blog.

Haha, it's been quite a lonely blog every since my college days, guess there are hardly any friends in my life right now. Rather lonely days.

I'm in a rather difficult position now and seems like that the problem is going to persist for the few years.

What's my problem?
I'm having problems trying to fit in with my group of friends down here.
Why?
All of them are attached and has a girlfriend. No one really want to spend that extra commitment to understand one another.
So why not get a girlfriend yourself?
I very much wish to but I'm in an all guy dominant environment and I can't probably be desperate trying to get a girl just to make her my girlfriend. They say love comes when you least expect it to be.
Why not confide with your family members?
There are enough problems within my family so adding on oil to the fire may cause even more unhappiness to them =/.
So when I have problems, who do I find?
I tried talking to my JC friends, Secondary school friends but somehow everyone has their own problems and are quite reluctant to listen out. Or otherwise, do not get my drift cause it's rather hard to explain to them the complication of the things going on around here.
Conclusion?
I got to swallow of all these problems and try to solve them myself. Learn to be more independent. Till one day, I wish to share all the good thing with that special someone.


The above self conversation is rather emotional I recon but hey, I'm cornered to do this. Had tried finding many options to get a life out there but failed. So meanwhile I'll stay chill until fun knocks on my door.
What's up with me for the last 4 months? Practically everyday have been books and screens from 8am to 5.30pm, tons of test and essays. Research was a personal initiative but they are crucial to score. This was one of the few time I hanged so tightly on my limit and try to keep up. To make it worst, the environment isnt exactly ideal when you have objective friends and no family around to help you stabilize your emotion. Practically, I have been in hell, mental hell, trying to fit in and change myself to be useful. Now it's coming to an end but it's only going to get worst when I head overseas. Brace yourself for more challenges but always know the right principles when it comes down to vital decisions. =). Love your family, help the weak (provided they dont backstab you), do things for a good cause and credits are just a bonus.


INSPIRATION

Dian Liang Xing Fu Wei Liang - Zhuang Jing Jie

"God gently closed my eyes, but to open my heart happy to see another 

 window. In the past, my eyes were open but my heart was too blind to feel love

上天轻轻地关上了我的双眼，却打开我心中另一扇看见幸福的窗" 

I came across this book written about this girl named Zhuang Jing Jie, introduced by my mum <3. She had retina degradation at age of 13 when she unfortunately was involved in a car accident. The accident blinds her world and she could only physically see objects within 10cm of her focal cells vision. It was a no cure injury that impedes her learning. 

She would require to sit through an exam 3 times longer the duration of a normal person due to the visual impaired. She uses a bino on the black board and a magnifying glass when writing essays. She only sleeps a few hours a day to keep up with school works. But it did not stopped her from pursueing a honours degree in engineering which put her at the position of any other normal person or even better. 

I am awed by her optimism and cheerfulness to pursue better life.
A person's character are somehow shown on their faces. You could be the ugliest person in the whole wide world, but I think the most pretty people in this world are those people with a pretty heart =).


I hope to earn big bucks and helped those in N.A. to find hope through love. Cause love is probably the only way to cure all those injury or hurtful and despising eyes towards them. Don't forget this dream ok?

My feelings.

"In the midst of war, our human nature to love, even the descendants of our enemies, still prevails in one way or another."

-littlebitsoficexo

Peace

Stepping into this civilian world makes me feel very much like stepping into Disneyland during my childhood vacation overseas.

So comfortable and magical. It's like a wonder to living in such environment compared to the cell I've been kept in.
The freedom to make mistakes without heavy punishment. To do a backflip without people thinking that you are awkward. To socialise without looking at your status or ranks. To smile at people without having them to think "what are your objectives?"

I hope the world know how many people had dedicated their entire lives just to pose a formidable threat to aggressions and protect peace, harmony.
Some of these lives could have chose a much more joyful path with more happy returns but dedicated their lives often on some meaningless missions to deter external powers.

Peace out.

Sent from my iPod

What's with internet.

You are bored at home and thinking of something to whine down after a long day of work, so you decided to open your computer as we all know.. there are abundant of encyclopedic informations in there, filled with geeky entertainment, serenading voices and god knows what up to date news feeds will be awaiting for your first attention.
 
So what's the first ever think you ever read when you open up that browser?

They call it facebook. Something you 'connect' with friends without actually physically be in contact with them.

Log on to your messengers hoping that someone would chat and make your day. Look through the number of people "online" or "available" choosing your next victim to harass.

What's next, then you venture into something call blogs thinking that it might give you more insights on news you might have not heard of. Or will know before anyone would have heard of.

But at the end of the day, you shut down your computer feeling the same way you did before switching on that computer.

My friends, you have fall into this trap of pseudo-dilemma-satisfaction. Instead of trying to browse through all that narcissistic photos on facebook, instead of trying to know your friends through their well paraphrased blog entries or waiting on that chat messenger for an angel to appear... Head out! See reality for the true beauty it has. Virtual is something that never exist and if you put virtual and factual together, we get 2012.

Ciao!

8G

It's nerve wrecking, heart pounding, numb and all that is felt are
tiny little micro bites. It sends your face into the future, some
looked like we are in our 30s, some 50s and some in our graves. It
swells and hurts, like the feeling of drowning and ends you up with a
whole body of measles. Every breathe you take is a struggle to stay
alive.

Sitting on your brim, all is seen is a single tunnel of light, within
the already suffocating you is a small sparkle of hope to regain
conscious, wanting to feel that perfect vision you always had. It
slowly creeps till total darkness and it's uncontrollable, till the
point you fall from conscious or you release the button.

All those attentions on instruments and spatial awareness only centred
at one vision : to fight this G monster.

But when I see those darkness, I remembered you. That vision of you
that fired me up, giving me a reason to stand up again. To stand up
against all these odds. No matter if it's all backstabbers here, it
doesn't matter if I'm weak or at my limits, it doesn't matter if I'm
seeing darkness. Seeing you lights up the world. It's an unspoken and
unexplained truth. But although you died, that thought has always been
a motivation. I can't deny it, love is part of me. It's every part of
me when I'm at my limits.

Thank you and rest well :). I'll continue discovering love, the best
part of it or the bad part of it, I'll walk with it :).

G measles.

Imagine it in large scale. Measles. That gross. Get off meeeeee.

My fight

Fight that monster, that G monsta. 9G, fight it.

There's always a us in trust, lie in believe, end in friends, over in lover, if in life.

your kindness, i will not forget

A thought flashed through my head and it happened 2 years ago when I
went Japan. When I was at Disneysea, a kawaii japanese girl dropped
her "fastpass ticket" -3 of them- and I happened to pick them up. They
were running towards one of the ride station and one of them dropped
it. I gave chase until the station and finally called out to her.
I handed over the ticket and she gave a very sincere and loud "thank
youuu" in her very own japanese assent. We exchanged few looks while
we walked away but that was the most we could do cause I wasn't bold
enough to ask for anything.

That kindness and smile had been kept in my heart until today, it
flashed cross me as I was writting my essay. Weird I know. If the
world have Japan's deep culture of understanding and sincerity, the
world would have been a better place to live in :).
I want to live in japan! No matter how badly it have been hit. Not for
the place but for the people and culture they have.

I will be there for you.

One day, I'll be there for you guys. Just wait when I get my wings, I'll lift your away from worries and fear. This is my destiny, I wanna help people.

Just wait. I'm coming.

Allow and accept

2 failed papers. A dislocated shoulder. 3x weekend confinement. Dog eating dog world.

Not always what it seems to be...

You see. These friendship are what I really wished to keep. But things aren't as simple as it seemed to be. When you have the ability to read the true thoughts of people, what they will do next, what they really want out of you, things don't get so simple.

But I really wish to be simple and be this kid I am whenever I am off working hours, live life simple. A true heart towards true and pure friends. I still want to be there for each and everyone who was here for me on this day.

Thank you =).

When you need someone close to talk to..

Crap Shit Idoit Chicken Backside.

I just failed meteorology. 2 more of this shit and I'm out of here.
Help =(.

There's a life your missing if you stay you'll never get it.

There's a life your missing if you stay you'll never get it.

What's a man doing when he's turning to the prime of his life at 21? In front of a pile of notes, in an all guy environment, with so much that's required of him. Huge responsibility, so much commitment, so much big talks about our characters. How we tackle minute things, how much small little things reflects ourselves in the future.

Where's the adrenaline rush that I once felt? That I loved riding on. That feeling of seeing the worlds prettiest girl right in front of your eyes. So gorgeous, you have been thinking of her night and day. All those thoughts of wanting to spend hapoy times with her. Generating a Dozen ways you can ask for her number. That amazing girl that turns you on when exams are coming, race are starting or when you are on the brink of death. Just at the end of all those trauma, all you wish to tell her is "I love you" or confess to her your feeling. I confess that I use to like she males but what's this gay tendency happening now and then. help.

Now running is just another feeling like walking. Exams are just like reading another book.
Booking out is just like going home everyday.

The ONLY thought I fell in love with is... flying, but I'm also a human who needs affection, love and attention.

Sent from my iPod

Revelation

Its a moment of unspoken words,

reflections.
self consciousness.

When truth prevails, all the world's ambiguity uncloak itself.
If you were made of water crystals, a rainbow smile across the skies.
But if you were just dust particles, a dark shadow cast over the streets.

I cancels out procrastination, excuses and all other form mask.
It's truth for itself.

When time stops

Ever since the day I shaved my hair and got ready for the most enduring journey of my life, I was ready for the worst. Similarly, my life stops there. In this period of Chinese New Year, the longest holiday I had since a long time, I woke up from my routine life, a life bounded by systems and rules.. I woke up for a moment feeling like a CIVILIAN. Just like everyone out here.

Time stopped on that day I chose to put my life on the line, to lead a life with a higher purpose. I've been really missing out a lot on life. Be it hanging out with close friends, going on a movie or go out with besties to do nonsense things, they have all been missing for quite sometime. I foreseen that this is just going to get worst with time, when everyone starts to go uni... it might be harder for me to click with them. I fear the loneliness, fear the ostracism and hate the me I've become sometimes. But what to do, they require me to be so hard, unkind and fierce.. from the hour i opened my eyes till I close them, I must behave like this. Oh, good thing they spared my dreams, I still will preserve myself in dreams =). Be soft, humble and sensitive like you always have Alvin!

Test are coming and I'm failing, after not holding a pen for almost a year, it feels awkward writing with one. Weird hand writings, slow critical thinking and incomplete thought process. My brains are having a hard time trying to be the me in college, totally like some secondary school kid. Meteorology is up next and don't fall short this time =).

Pull the jump shots and make the basket count, that was what jiao lian always shouted out to me.

Gambatteeee-ni!

This is life.

Weather and me.

Craps, after reading my past few post, I've realised that almost all of them share the same nature of content - personal emotional "espionage". So no more, this blog shouldn't be all about my unhappiness but also my thoughts. Happy post this time.

WX
Have been studying a lot lately, almost about anything and everything in the skies. So well, when you get information overload in classes, you tend to daydream and wonderful and awkward imaginations take place.

We were learning about the many different types of clouds and they are somewhat like choosing a girlfriend

.
Let's begin with the highest cloud at 20,000ft

The family of above 20k feet. Aka. upper income class, because they are "up there".

Cirrus clouds are commonly seen in Singapore. The slimmest and wispy amongst all cloud, made up by ice crystals (diamond lovers). When you give her "warm front", this girl is smoother on its surface. Clam as she might be look and tingle you, she can deceive you in a few hours cause a heavy storm is coming your way.
This kind of girl are pretty but materialistic and dangerous, in short are like high maintenance vehicle (HMV).... AVOID.

Cirrocumulus clouds are like little patches of cloth trying to cover up the entire sky. She is very organize and align herself neatly with other clouds of her kind. Similar with her sister, cirrus, she can't without ice crystals jewelries. However, even her being so neat, she is unable to shade the earth from the scotching sun. This type of girls, on top of being a HMV, are perfectionist to no results. AVOID.

Cirrostratus clouds is a thin layer cloud that covers a large surface area of clouds in the sky. Like both her sisters - Cirrus and Cirrocumulus - she love ice crystals. But she's different and known to be the kindest among her family cause she possesses a halo. When she directly covers the sun or moon, a "halo" is shown to be hovering over her due to transparency and light reflective (caused by ice crystals). She's the kind of girl I've been considering for very long... kind yet high maintenance. Yet, I came to a conclusion that without the sun or moon, she'll still be evil. AVOID.

The family of 6,500 to 20,000 feet. Aka "middle income class".
The middle class, unlike the upper class are made up largely of water droplets and vapour. Life's more practical and comfortable at these temperature.

Altocumulus looks like cirrocumulus as she is the cousin of hers but she's more bold and thicker. Just like her cousin, she is neat and perfect. Just that she has a bad temper, in a few short hours, it'll be thunderstorms and reign on you. This is kind of girl is going grab you at your neck and make sure you pay for small mistakes, when you get caught by her, marriage will be a prison. AVOID.

Well, Altostratus there's only one thing I can say about you. You cover the sunshine of my life. The whole world looks dark with you around, I was dull and boring when you came. When my craft flies through you, you create atmospheric icing and kill my wings, sending me to death. I hate you. AVOID.

The family of less than 6,500 feet. Aka "low income group". (not even term as "class". WTH)

Stratoscumulus Stratocumulus, I love you the most. I like it how you drizzle lightly on my head or block out the sun when I'm having a hard day. You have done good to many parts of mother earth by shielding the poles directly from UV rays. Because you are drier and formed up of more stable air particles, you always stay long enough with me. But sometimes you stayed too long that it gets on my nerves, it invades my personal privacy and my whole day's schedule is affected by you because you cause long hours of drizzle. AVOID.

Oh Stratus, it's just so hard to take a photo of you. Because practically, you take no shape. It was always hard to find you because you always play hard to get. You hide amongst mist and fog, shy to show yourself. When I'm you, I could hardly see. My poor visibility was because I was always blinded by your love. But why of all girls, do you have to dump me? I know I was at fault when it comes to figuring out where was your head or toe when I hug you. Nonetheless, when you left me, I realised how pretty this world was again. Good bye love.

Cumulonimbus is horrible. Period. You drenched me the instant we met. Electrocute me with your bolts and you are mentally unstable. AVOID.

The unclassified family. Exist from Earth's surface to 20,000 ft.

Dear Cumulus, thank you for providing me with such fair weather each day. You are puffy and cute girl that all guys loves. Love at first sight describes you. Despite you having unstable air particles within. I understand that you are the kind of women which keeps all the troubles to herself and absorbs all the stress and unhappiness, showing only the happy side of you to all around. But do not keep these to yourself for you might develop into towering Towering Cumulus then to Cumulonimbus and indirectly harm those around you with tonados, typhoons, hails and watersprouts. AVOID.

---THE END---

Not being able to sleep or eat are just the obvious basics.
Falling asleep and waking up are hell too.
Because you can't figure out how you and the person you love are to become strangers.
You can't even complain to other people.
Because they may badmouth her and him.
So, you cry alone.

It's ended, you've given up,
but only the memories of love come to mind.
But, the more you do that, the longer it takes to erase those memories.

So to a person who's been left,
365 days are spent in the process of breaking up.
But the thing that really hurts,
is the other person doesn't even seem to be thinking of you.

It feels like it's just you that can't let go.
That person seems to have forgotten all about you and is just happy.
All you want to do is die, but you can't die either.

Because you might never... see that person again.

And I keep asking myself..

Is it possible to make things better...

How can this be done without behaving this way?
Is there a less crude method?
How can we prevent everyone from arrowing one another?

It's not a solution that I can find, if not it would well be implemented.
Just continue living in such a harsh environment i guess, until my brain can come up with a good solution.

A vow before getting on the road.

In just a few short days, it will mark the start of an expedite journey. A path that many have failed and return to zero ground. If that were to happen to me eventually, I will take it with open arms and move on with life. Even if it is after 3 years.

It's okay even if I'm not walking the conventional path as all my other friends do. It is cool even when I'm only entering the university only at 25.

Here's my vow and resolutions to myself that marks my guiding star.
1. Never to look back again and regret on signing those papers.
2. Abstain from alcohol as much as possible
3. Remain smoking free
4. Entering the university no matter how reluctant I am after the few years.
5. I'm going to put in my 101% in getting my wings.
6. Don't worry about love, they can come later.

So much for self assurance =)

“All I need is my one star in the sky, to wish for you everyday.”

Do know that that a aircraft drags is what makes it so responsive? Transformation of aerofoils is the difference between travelling at supersonic speed and cruising speed?

Skin deep

My days had been hidden in this cloud of being surface.

Our conversation revolved around materialistic goods. Sunglasses,
cars, headphones, phones, bikes, party, alcohol, games and girls. All
baseless friendship and very surface conversation.
I was hidden in this cloud of materialistic place and I didn't realise
I was slowly absorb into that baseless world. Everyone chatting in
this place of emptiness, this room is extremely noisy but at the end
of today, tonight ended just like the start of today.

I realised all of these in a nick of a moment when she cried
yesterday, I forgot who I once was, I forgot what it means to be
myself, not to change for people around me and not to be afraid to
show this side of me.

Edging out.

When you know the world like I do, it's a shame.

Party, drink, smoke, arrowing tasks, pushing responsibilities and trampling on the powerless.
Life's not as simple as if I put in the effort, I'll be credited for what I do. It comes to a point of who's the smartest and who has the best ability to take shortcuts? Probably it's how I'm looking at things now or may be it's just the way people around me are behaving. I prefer to be simple, just a simple person and oblivion to negative comments or gossip sessions. You can keep all the money and privileges, this is not me when I'm doing those things. =/

HAPPY 2011!!
2010 is almost all about marching, respect, regimentation and of course the big D - discipline. Crap, I'm totally brainwashed. Anyhow, I'm constantly reminded that I've good friends around me who have been rooting me and also met many many new friends - many of similar backgrounds, interest and no doubt .. gender.


Finally, deary diary, we have entered the era of 2011. This year is going to be smashing cause its my coming of 21st. Yes, this is also the year I would be granted wings, finally after an extremely long wait. Resolution for this year would be doing good deeds. Use my heart to think much more than my head. Keep myself simple, out of drinking and smoking. Love myself more =).