greetings diary!

this page of my diary is lonely. being on this lonely journey have been painful. it's a bad thing when only 1 person passes.
I found myself lost and empty.
 lost of someone to talk to, empty of a companion whom walk the same path as me, who understands my situation and I could pour all my problems out to. 
I want to share with that someone how exciting my life have been and complain about all the stress I've been shouldering.

lord I pray for that person to come sooner. I really need him/her beside me, to share my joys and sorrows. I want to love and be loved.

lord, I just need a friend. someone I can closely relate to. a keen listener or a good social talker. to hear about his/her life and be heard at the same time. I'm not trying to be greedy, just one will do...

"♫ ~ I don't wanna waste my time again, by getting wasted with so-called friends.
Cause They don't know me, but they pretend to be part of my social scenery ~ .♫"

Awesome. I just managed to find the right song to relate to how I'm feeling now.

I hate myself for going clubbing sometimes. Cause it's just not myself when I'm in there, crazy music and alcohol forced down my throat.

Just because my immediate social circle likes it there, doesn't mean that I have to follow suit, isn't it? Yes, it's a kind of norm for those people to come to club and open bottle to celebrate something. But that's not my cup of tea in any case.

Friends aren't people who make you pay for a bottle and their entry fee tickets.

Friends aren't people who gets you drunk.

Friends aren't people who encourage you on things you dislike.

2nd and never again. Unless with the best friends =).

I'd rather choose to be myself.

From watch man. IT'S REALLY COOL!!

Doctor Manhattan:
Thermo-dynamic miracles... events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing.
And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter... Until your mother loves a man she has every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermo-dynamic miracle.

Laurie Juspeczyk:
But...if me, my birth, if that's a thermodynamic miracle... I mean, you could say that about anybody in the world!.

Dr. Manhattan:
Yes. Anybody in the world. ..But the world is so full of people, so crowded with these miracles that they become commonplace and we forget... I forget. We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from the another's vantage point. As if new, it may still take our breath away. Come...dry your eyes. For you are life, rarer than a quark and unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg; the clay in which the forces that shape all things leave their fingerprints most clearly.

Laurie Juspeczyk:
Is that what you are? The most powerful thing in the universe and you're just a puppet following a script?

Doctor Manhattan:
We're all puppets, Laurie. I'm just a puppet who can see the strings.

I came across this comment today which is damn basted but logical:

"It's so stupid to have bus lanes. Why must poor people get to places faster than me?"

HAHAHA

杜 U ♥ Me?

I'm here to make my stand. To tell the world that one shouldn't be waiting for something to happen, wait for something or someone you've waited all your life for and regret in the end. In chinese they call it "守株待兔" and it means to earn something just by waiting bluntly and not do anything about it.

Singaporeans are well taken care of, sometimes overly cared, for that 守株待兔 is a comfy norm. You have no idea, how unmotivated I am for the past few months. Life seems meaningless and everyday is just like a passing day with nothing fresh. I've been living in this dilemma of having no hope... no life... no companionship...

The thing about life is that: your life is how decide of it, it's the outcome of your own control. If you are happy about it, not only you but people around you will also be happy. Likewise for motivation or positivity. =). It doesn't matter if the job is slack or tough in nature, it can always be made fun through one way or another.

So came another new person into our office today and I'm so glad she came. Cause she brought all the positivity and motivation with her, somehow.. I finally see some light and start to do things with will power again. I'm going to study modelling, airmanship and my future planes now, make productive use of my 2 months here.

Running

Don't laugh but I look like a tortoise swabbing in a pond when I run now. Flabby and bouncy, no technique and form at all. Running feels awkward. Train up, buff up and get it back all over again. JIA YOU!!! =DD

I Give My First Love to You

Not a bad show to catch =).

Theme song:-

Life ain’t always easy everyday

It ain’t the end of the world

Have a drink with me and let's party tonight
Go down In history..

F**k. I'm in love with her.

It's written off when I was around 8 because it's a dangerous a/c that had numerous accidents. I'm so in love with her even since I was a child. Blackbird SR-71, that's one name i knew since I was a kid.

Dreams and me

Here's my claim : everything begins with a dream. Human ply for things by wanting, for the very same reason why we mankind dream.
We dream for simple things like love or the biggest things like wealth. When I was young, i always dreamt that toy figurine are able to manoeuvre and jump up to life. When i grew older, i dreamt about scoring ace in exams, winning national sports competition. And for today, i dreamt about soaring in the skies.
Dreams, they are powers not to be underestimated. Power beyond control and comprehension, powers that are able to turn imaginations into realities.

The wright bothers once dreamt that man kind are able to penetrate the skies and today we witnessed the galaxy with our own eyes. People are able to live on the dream of others and made it their own brand new dream. In this complexity, a more powerful double layered dream is formed. Coupled with inspirations of the makers of these dreams, today we have a craft called the 'spaceship'.

Those hallucinations or sudden flashes of great sensational feel are probably what binds me so closely to what i achieved. Probably that's my secret weapon i've always been using, the secret to most of my successes - to dream.

Don't stop dreaming folks! =)

6 weeks abroad have imposed a challenge of me being homesick.

So what's the experience for this whole time at Oz?

I definitely learnt how to live alone and to occupy myself whenever I'm lonely. For an entire week, I had to live with my only guy friend under one roof. No doubt it questions me if I'm turning gay but most of the time he is skyping with his mysterious girl, so I'm left alone for most of the time. Play ball, strike pool, gym and movie marathon alone. In a way, I'm forced to live my life myself but it isn't so bad cause there are always wonderful instructors whom coloured my life, bringing me to different places with wonderful sights and natural observatory that are unbelievably extravagant.

For the record, was there once where you could see 360dg clear horizons from one end to another? The sky seemed bigger at this place cause there aren't any high sky scrapers or urbanized gigantic features that blocks this spectacular view.

This is one of the longest periods I have been away from my family and friends. Friends, I do the miss times when I seek relief and distress when I'm out with my friends. Doing even the dumbest things like throwing popcorns or spamming hair gel.

I used to find myself constantly in need of someone to talk to and share things with someone, to anyone that willing to give a minute just to listen.

But it have come to this extent that the need have subside, I gave up finding for that someone to listen. I just laze around and instead those thoughts wanting to be shared just vapourises. It came to a point where I actually recognised that " Hey! Living alone isn't so lonely after all!"

So here begins yet another challenge : Juggling of family.

In this profession, it requires us to travel abroad very often. 6 weeks had just been the starters of the full course meal to come. When it goes into full swing, it'll probably be 2 years of not seeing home. In the next subsequent 7 months, I'll probably be sent overseas yet again for another period of 9 month straight abroad for another series of training.

In that course, it requires us to focus thoroughly on our task at hand and, probably for some of us, stay away from home for a prolonged period. Let's not think too far for the time being, take it one step at time.

For now, my mum's already missing me badly. Time to head home and give her a big hug =).